absolutely devastated

Hi missy2, I would have thought this was explained property at my doctors not just casually dropped Into conversation! That's what my doctor did knowing we have been waiting months to have ivf. This is our only hope of trying for ivf, which is what hurts me the most. My husband and I are trying ivf because this is the 1st and only opportunity to have children after falling to get pregnant naturally. The thought of it not working is devastating in itself I already blame myself. I want to at least think we've tried but this scan has sent everything into disarray and caused confusion and unnecessary upset. We don't need any more having ivf is scary enough! Of course we've thought about adoption but if we don't ever try IVF that would mean admitting defeat before we've even tried. I'm just more upset that given what my doctor knows about my health the scan couldn't be arranged earlier. I've made a letter of complaint to my practice managed as I feel they've left the too long. That's all trivial I know but not to me.

Believe me I KNOW it is not trivial...I watched my close friend go thru this...for a long time...a couple of years....and of course you want to try and have your OWN baby.  I find it not fair that people like ME that didn't want to have children (really)...have babies easily.  And people that really want them sometimes struggle.

One thing I do think your wrong about thou....this is NOT your FAULT if you can not do IVF...you can't help the way your body operates....by thinking the way you are thinking (that it is your fault)...you are causing yourself more stress and depression .

Its good you wrote a letter of complaint...maybe it doesn't help your situation but it certainly will make them think about being more informative about these procedures with others people  in the future.

When are you having the scan? And stop minimizing your situation its BIG...and the waiting just makes it all the worst.  I hope you get the scan quickly....and move on with the IVF.

You are nice - like people on here. Thanks so much for your support, I thought I was going mad or making a fuss for nothing, maybe I am wrong. The scan won't be going ahead until I speak to my ivf consultant and my doctor. I am giving the practice manager 1 week to respond to my letter. I still feel hurt but happier having spoken to you. There are some decent people in this world - you are one of them.

Yes, there are alot of nice people here (and thank you).

You are going to be ok...You will get thru this and next year at this time...you will be carrying ....and you will be looking back at this....and remembering what you went thru and how stressed out you were.

Maybe next Thanksgiving...there will be the little feet and hands to be grateful for....That is my wish for you...keep us posted on the progress of the IVF.

Thank you I hope you're right I just have had so much bad luck it seems like this is doomed to fall as I don't often see a positive side to many things, I feel I'm an unlucky person I've told my husband if he wanted children then he married the wrong person how sad is that?

Remember what we think sometimes can influence the universe.

Try to think THIS TIME...IM GOING TO WIN

Hi missy2, trying to text you on wobbly bus.I will try to remember that - it's about time my luck changed! Fingers crossed it will go ok. Take care of yourself too, things have to get better for both of us!

..Here I go with my "positive" attitude...I seem to have one when I'm on the site...but I totally DONT have a positive attitude at all. I'm ALWAYS miserable.

But..here goes...Things can only get worse if we let them!

Well sometimes we have no control...but for the things that we do have control of...like our moods....we all have times we have to try harder to be positive.

 

I really wish I had that optimism, but I don't! All I can see is failure!

I understand..I don't have THAT optimism when it comes to my own problems...only everyone elses...I can see a light at the end of the tunnel for YOU but not for me....so use my light and try to see it .

I'm the same in a way I help everyone else but not myself and I don't take my own advice. I'll try to help you if I can. Maybe there will be light at the end of the tunnel for me, but everytime I couldn't get pregnant I blamed myself. The feeling of guilt has never gone how do I help you.

sam..thanks for the offer.  I think your alot like me and you feel like...this lady has been talking to me...so I have to repay her in some way.

Its ok...I'm ok....I work with a therapist and I post about my problems and get answers.  I'm also like YOU in that I get the answers...but I still am in the same state I was in before I posted...LOL.

But, it is always good for us to VENT...and get all this crap out of our heads and on paper.  And it helps to do it with strangers..because even if they judge us...they don't walk in our shoes...and we can just ignore them...VS...a family member or a friend that judges..hurts much more.

Keep me posted....and everyone else. It seems I have been the only one replying...but that is probably because I do the same thing sometimes...If I see a post...and someone has responded to it....and I feel like that person is helping the other and I really don't have much more to add...I don't post either.

There really is nothing you can do or anything anyone can say that will make you feel GREAT.  The only way you will feel great is when you find out you are pregnant.  And possibly the PTSD page is not where you would get alot of responses on pregnancy.  I believe you have PTSD...anyone raped...would.  I do too.  But, this topic I think would get more replies on like a maternity page..or pregnancy complication page...which I dont' know if they have on this site?  I would look for one and repost this....Maybe they have a specific IVF page and there may be some people there...that need similar tests..and have similar experiences.  Not trying to make you FEEL BAD for posting here...of course not...I just want you to get the most out of what you are searching for!

Hi Missy2, I originally posted on here due to my ptsd. Now because I had continued on this I've posted the next stage of my life. PTSD doesn't just disappear overnight but hopefully once I discover I can have ivf and even luck permitting I became pregnant I will have beaten the low-life who raped me by having a new focus which will make life complete now if that's not a reason to post on here I don't know what is. I speak to another group about ivf etc but this group have been so supportive you go for where the support is. Due to being raped I nearly ended my life twice this year he'd beaten me then he's still doing so now. If strangers help what harm does that do?

I kind of knew you would take what I said about posting on another page the wrong way...so I shouldn't have said it at all.  Like I said I was trying to also help you find the most help for your current issue...I can see how you explained it now..how it is related to your PTSD and I know PTSD does not go away....I have it...

Yes, we do go where the support is...I feel sad when you say getting pregnant may help you "beat the low life that raped you".  I don't understand how getting pregnant would "beat" this person.  Did this person physically harm your insides so that you think he may have caused you having the problem of getting pregnant?  I'm not understanding how the 2 are related?

I don't think it is possible that someone can harm your insides of the uterus..etc to prevent someone from getting pregnant.  I do understand how someone can damage your insides (heart and soul)...with rape...it has happened to me...and I was frightened that I would never enjoy sex again (that is where I now suffer from PTSD from the "rapes").  I sometimes can't have sex..and it grosses me out....and sometimes I can block out my digusting thoughts about sex and enjoy it.

Again, I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about posting on this board.  I don't care where anyone posts...I just try to help people. And now I'm trying to understand how getting pregnant will make you feel better in regards to the person that raped you.

As I see it...as a rape victim...the guy wins..everytime I let them interfere in my life as it is today...and since he is affecting you still so deeply...I am SO sorry you are suffering .

Hi Missy2, well just an update on today as I've been to the hospital and signed all the papers for ivf, to defy everyone because if I win then no-one can say nothing. Just hope it works, hospital says have the scan but still not convinced. Still angry with my doctors as they've not done anything soon enough, so now have to go alone. Fabulous! Had huge argument with husband over all of this last night just so hard. The other part of my life is my dad died 3 years ago, he won't ever see his Grandchild, he smacked the idiot low-life who assaulted me. Now he's not even here, he was also there when I was born but never got to see my 2 sisters. It's so painful as he was my rock! I will make sure I don't write on here much longer. As for the doctors I'm seeing 1 tomorrow - the one who we saw months back about the ivf, oh dear for her, I won't exactly hide my annoyance!

Why are you saying you "wont write on here much longer"?  I feel bad for you because you are very angry...Losing your Dad.....horrible..I cant imagine...I'm lucky enough to be 51 and still have my Dad.  Why did your Dad never see your sisters? Are they much younger than you?  I'm confused. 

Don't worry...your Dad is watching out for you from heaven...this will work.  Its GREAT he smacked the guy!  Why are you and your husband fightin over this?  Probably because it is so stressful...and 2 people together don't handle stress that well....especially when one has PTSD.  Because he really can't understand what sets off your anger...it could be just a "look"....or a noise....Keep us posted ok?

Hi missy2, sorry I've not replied  for so many days, life has taken over!  We are back on track and sorted now and forms signed so all the fear over ivf has not evaporated if anything it's getting worse before it gets better and the worse is yet to come!  I spoke to my doctor who I normally see and she feels I definitely DON'T need a kidney scan it was originally ordered via another doctor who felt it would put my mind at ease, but it obviously didn't as she forgot my dad had kidney cancer which he was diagnosed with 3 years ago and now he's not here!  Talk about making me even more scared through a silly scan, which wasn't vitally needed anyway.  I have got my doctor's notes back - everything is luckily clear, I am still awaiting my practice's managers to prove I am not well enough to work and to get the job centre off my back at the moment!  It's just a case of waiting now and trying to live daily.....  I'll keep you up to date, if that's ok.  Tell me how I can help you, I'd rather try to offer you support as I'll feel guilty otherwise.