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anxiety and the nightmare it dishes out

Posted , 4 users are following.

tina56743
tina56743

Hello everyone and blessings to all for a healing and peace. I could not be more thankful to have come upon this chance to share with people who understand. I was physically and mentally abused as a child, I grew up with horrific fear that I was going to be killed by my mother. I became an addict of alcohol most of my adult yrs, I am 58. My daughter who I have been very close to moved off to college two and ahalf yrs ago. This triggered the most horrific anxiety. The separation surfaced PTSD from my childhood..FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN........ MY MIND BEGAN going in circles everyday every minute....the thoughts of death nearly impossible to stop, no matter how I have tried. As a child I felt I was in a war zone, never knowing when the enemy( my mother) was going to strike in her rage and try and kill me. I know that this stems from the trauma from my childhood...It is the thoughts that can really reak havoc on your ability to function on any level. I have not talked with anyone about this...it has been a LIVING HELL..A PRISON OF MISERY. The separation from my daughter has seemed like a death to me...I have not been able to stop the terrible thoughts about this. She simpily grew up and moved away. I have been drinking everyday to stuff this anxiety and pain and suffering. For 6 days now I have not had a drink and I have been blessed to find this means of communication. Anxiety is HORRIBLE, I realized how bad I suffer from this just recently, for I have had no life for myself, no joy, no peace just boatloads of fear, and sweating, and pounding/racing heart and endless looping of scarythoughts that finally made me see I have a problem bigtime, I need help and this is my first step in reaching out to others. I hold EVERYONE IN MY HEART that has to deal with this FEAR...with loving gratitude..Tina

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • jayne52470
    jayne52470 tina56743

    Posted

    Just want to let you know you aren't alone in feeling like this. I'm 25 and recently moved away from my mother and family who I am incredibly close to especially after a horrific trauma that happened when I was 17.

    The pain has been crippling and feels like a death to me. I'm just so scared this is my life now and I'll never have peace of mind again. I wish you all the best Tina xxx

    • tina56743
      tina56743 jayne52470

      Posted

      Thankyou so much for being here..it in a sweet way brings relief <3

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  • elizabeth2244
    elizabeth2244 tina56743

    Posted

    Hi tina 

    I to have suffered from mental abuse and some physical from my mother she was an alcoholic and I have had anxieties and fear in me when people leave me 

    You went through something traumatic and with your daughter away its bringing up these fears in you. Its okay to have these fears its normal you just have to tell yourself that you are a strong person and you can overcome this. 

    I suggest that you talk to a therapist to help you and do some CBT and DBT stuff to help you sort out these feelings that you have 

    I will keep you in my prayers 

    • tina56743
      tina56743 elizabeth2244

      Posted

      thankyou so much for being here..this is a beautiful stepping stone forward...we are all in this together...anxiety is HORRIBLE...the nonstop fear based thoughts and then the pounding heart and sweating and discomfort...and exhaustion from the energy that it steels, And the mere fact that it seems to never end..once the thoughts get going ...it is HELL...A nightmare.......

       

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 tina56743

    Posted

    God blss you and you keep loving yourself! Many many have lived abusive childhoods. It alters the whole way of thought from childhood. Never really having anyone who cares or to trust even as you get older. Its a hard thing to deal with when you see all these close families but you have you! And children growing up and moving on is traumatic feeling. Anxiety sucks.feeling lonely hurts. Feeling loved is lovely Ptsd is a hard nut to crack BUT  to the answer is to forgive and it is extremly hard but very necssary fo yourself, not to those who decieve or hurt you, but fo you. Its forgiving yourself for being betrayed, for not loving yourself, it forgiving yourself completely. one who is abusive, or sick, or selfish can not teach love, can give love so you need to forgive.very challanging but if you can understand that you can heal. I would also suggest a small pet. Dogs provide an unimaginable amount of love and they care deeply for their families.  I would never of believed it until i got a pup myself. The begining is a bit rough but within months they are trained and a bond forms that is really beautiful and deep. Not even trying to sound cheesy its true.
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