Are my brain permanently damaged by Gabapentin?

Thank you for a good, and helpful forum.

It seems there is more questions than answers regarding Gabapentin.

This is not the first time I have used Gabapentin. A couple of years ago, I got a powerful reaction when my dog died, and developed restless leg syndrome. Checking the internet, Gabapentin seemed to be the best/only option. I had quit 10 years of Valium use (10 mg a day) 1 year before, and was back to square one regarding lack of sleep, anxiety, and the occasional paralyzing depression.

However, after 4 months increasing to of 3000 mg, I felt the full impact of the rapid tolerance, and decided to quit. The same way I did Valium. But the WS where worse. So, I started Valium again, and after about 1 month I was in the clear. No after effect. Wel, that was a walk in the park, I thought. Never had I been so wrong.

I continued with Valium, because it is the only anti depressant that work for me. I have tried everything else, but I get horrible sick. But if you mention Valium to most doctors, its like swearing in church. So we dicussed Gabapentin, witch in my doctors opinion, was a feasible option. And of course, it was hardly addictive at all. (?)

Now, 1 year later, Gabapentin does nothing for me, except makes me extremely fatigued. I have managed to keep it at 2100 mg a day. And I am back at Valium again. Witch by the way, I have decided to continue with the rest of my life. I am over 60.  It stabelize my mind, have low tolerance, and does not have any unwanted side effects, except for the addiction. And it gives me life saving sleep at night.

In 3 months I went down to 300 mg Gaba a day. 100 mg 3 times a day. No doctor involved. That is almost 2 months ago. It seems impossible to get rid of the last evil little claw it has in me.

Everyone seems to have a different kind of WS. Mine is a very bad fatigue, horrible iching at my extremeties, nausia and irritability. And despite the Valium, the itching keeps me awake many nights. I have however come across one thing that helps. The Indian herb remedy called Guduchi. I use the oil. (Tinospora Cordifolia) I have tried hydrocortizone and every other well meant advice, but to no avail.

I am also a single father 4 days a week. I can not let my own mistakes hurt my kid, so in the weekends, I take 100 mg Tramadol on Sundays, and get a much needed relief for 1 day. That is the day for physical games, and it had not been possible without Tramadol. I know how addicive this is, so I never use more. But at least I can be a good father to my kid.

I have read many success stories about Benzo, opiods and others, but never about Gaba. One woman wrote she had been on Gaba for 7 months, and 5 years later she was feeling good again. Good for her, but hardly a success story. This is scary. I dont have 5 years to spare. Are my brain permanently damaged because of this poison?

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