Battling On.. I think
Posted , 8 users are following.
Hi everyone 
Hope you are all well.
I've been trying to get on with things to day and work through it... but my anxiety is definitely back to extreme levels.
The woozyness is worse again, my sinuses feel awful (like I have a nother cold,) and my ears are popping and have pressure... I am sure if anyone were to read this, it wouldn't send alarm bells but to me it is hard not to return down the old route of a brain tumour.
I feel a bit dettached from things and am finding it hard to navigate around, or just think clearly 
This is a lot to do with the fact that my mind is firmly placed on ONE thing and ONE thing only... AI also think whatever problem I have with my ears/sinuses are making me feel a bit dettached.
My eyes are also a bit funny. I just feel like I need the pressure in my ears to ease and I would be able to get past a lot of this...
I picked up some herbal calming remedies last night and they did work. I don't want to take them during the day, however because they make me feel quite sleepy.
I keep having this awful thought that I am not going to be around and that I am going to leave those I love behind. i used to have this thought about other people that I love leaving me, but never this way around and so I find it very upsetting. Because i have quite bad OCD I sometimes see these thoughts and feelings as 'signs' that something is wrong... I know it sounds very strange, but my anxiety is quite bad at doing this to me... So I find the whole thing terribly upsetting.
I suppose if I were to look at it rationally, I am worried about myself...and I suppose worrying that I could end up not being around is a 'normal' worry... but it isn't like a little worry it is a big thought and feeling that invades me and can sometimes put me on the verge of ringing my GP again.
Does this seem to anyone like my OCD is getting worse again? At one point my OCD was very bad, but it was channeled in a different way - though it still controled my thinking.
To make it worse, my counseller canceled our appointment today and so I can't go through any of these thoughts
1 like, 16 replies
mistylane Sillymop
Posted
I'm sorry. I hate feeling like that and I do sometimes too. Being sick makes it worse because I get set off anytime my head feels woozy, or like i might pass out, it really triggers a fear in me for some reason, so having a head cold and not feeling right exaserbates that fear. But it is just that, being sick.
elaine75058 Sillymop
Posted
sammon Sillymop
Posted
Let me start off by saying, same thoughts, different details. I have OCD, as well as dizziness and sinus issues, and worrying about a particular death. Been stewing in it for all of 2016.
I think when we're sick or just uncomfortable, it's even harder just to perform minor tasks. I know that every fall - spring cycle, I slip into a chronic depression and my OCD will be unpredictable. Some weeks I can say no to rituals and ignore impulses. Other days, it's too cold out - and I'm never warm enough for some reason - and my spine hurts so much, I want to cry. And the anxiety just swells and bubbles over, until I'm a mess, hiding in my home. But, when spring is getting closer to summer, my allergies are better, and I can breathe, and I have a chance to focus on healing.
Humans can only multitask enough to keep your body going while you deal with the outside world. Focus is limited in life.
Perhaps when you're busy focusing on healing your body, you can't really focus on healing your mind.
I hope this helps you, if only a little. I know what it feels like with no one to talk to.
helen20833 Sillymop
Posted
Mopsy,
you have gone back to square one
You do not have a brain tumour. You do not display the slightest symptom that would indicate a brain tumour
This fear is something you simply have to tackle. It's piling on the anxiety, it's empowering and firmly entrenching your AD symptoms
Be rational. No brain tumour symptoms equates to no brain tumour
Herbal remedies would not calm brain tumour symptoms, which are abysmal to say the least and easily recognizable
We get illnesses. I cannot stress this enough. Normal, physical illnesses which yes, can negatively impact the severity of AD symptoms
Ergo when we are struck by a common illness, why imagine it to be life threatening? I get migraines. Had them all my life. Thye are miserable, excrutiatingly painful and make one feel ill
Had I spent my life imagining it were a brain tumour my life would have been one of misery
The migraines were bad enough
Enough to contend with
Acceptance! Acceptance, Mopsy
You are not in danger of imminent death, honey. But you are in imminent danger of this brain tumour nonsense becoming an obsession
Right Thinking, remember?
Accepting what you do have and not that which you don't
Positive attitude as opposed to negative attitude
You don't need a counsellor to point out the vast chasm that divides a brain tumour from AD. You need practical common sense and you need to start right back to the beginning of self-help by accepting your AD
Don't be stuck in that rut because there's no need
Use your self-help bag of trick to get you back on an even keel
You can do it
Helen xx
Sillymop helen20833
Posted
I read and re-read your post three times. You are right... And you were also very right when you said I was in danger of having this become an obsession. I am very, very obsessive. I don';t know if I can blame this all on my AD or if it is also a personality trait of mine... But it has hindered me all my life - unless I use it for the positive and then, miraculously there is no stopping me. Thank you Helen. Your advice is so good and very very greatfully recieved xxx
helen20833 Sillymop
Posted
Mopsy, dear
you can turn this around, okay?
It is possible to have a somewhat obsessive personality but when it becomes harmful to your emotional wellbeing you have to make a determined effort to get a grip on it
Literally take the notion of a brain tumour by the scruff of the neck tell it to bugger off! Tell yourself, firmly, I have AD. I'm not very well at the moment with my ear/stuffy head. This makes my AD worse
Other than that, I'm just fine and dandy
Right Thinking all the way honey
Hugs
Sillymop helen20833
Posted
Thank you, Helen
I will try this!!!!
helen20833 Sillymop
Posted
Hi there Mopsy
Listen honey, there are always two ways you can view things when you have AD
You can hone in on the symptoms, conclude, quite wrongly, that there is a form of malignancy/disease lurking inside of you, about to strike you dead.
This frightens the hell out of you and the symptoms worsen, don't fade but remain constant
Or
You can look at the symptoms, recognize those of AD which by now are familiar and come and go, look at any symptoms which are present due to some virus or whatever, and calm yourself by saying
I'm not well.
No wonder my AD has flared up again
I'm poorly at the moment
I'm going to nurse myself better
I've got a common complaint
One that with heal
Hugs xx
Theatreofthemnd Sillymop
Posted
Hello friend ??
Love the username 👍🏼😉
You are so good at being able to express yourself and understand and put into words what you're feeling or thinking. Something I admire yet struggle with myself.
I really hope the page doesn't reload on me again, I have typed this message up three times now. All of which I spent a good ten minutes typing up responses. A little painful...😬
Thank you for jumping on here to share with us. I hope we can be there for you and help you.
I know what it feels like to miss a session with the psych/counsellor when you really need it and look forward to it. Could you try some meditation? It sounds like you are disassociating a little so that could be of help.
Sillymop Theatreofthemnd
Posted
Hello theatreofthemnd
thank you that is nice of you to say 
Today is a bad day
strangely after I started this thread yesterday I went on to have quite a good evening. I still felt woozy in the evening but not too bad and my spirits were a lot higher, my anxiety was also a lot less intense.
Today is not the case. Woozyness is worse, I feel a bit queasy...my ear feels like it has fluid inside it again too.
Because I have asthma I had to get the flu vaccine and I've been worrying about this in case it made things worse. I've even put it off for a while. Now I can feel myself going into over drive worrying I might be dizzier or worse and what that could then mean. I spoke to the nurse and she didn't seem to think it would cause an issue but she wasn't really paying attention and she didn't seem to know a lot about vertigo issues. When I am unable to get the reassurance I want I panic again
i feel pretty useless atm
Ranger507 Sillymop
Posted
I'm feeling pretty much all of the above it's sucks a lot just try and battle through this game of chess with your mind
lisalisa67 Sillymop
Posted
borderriever Sillymop
Posted
Have you been given a new appointment dat to see your CPN ?
Could it be you are feeling bad because of the appointment was broken ??
Talk to your GP if you are feeling at a loss
BOB
Sillymop borderriever
Posted
Hello! I was hoping to have gone but I don't think I felt bad for not.. The woozyness some days feels worse and causes me a great deal of anxiety. I have to force myself to relax and not panic and slowly some of it passes.
lisalisa67 Sillymop
Posted