Can't get over my asymmetric face... making me suicidal.

No amount of gym exercise on my weaker side will make it like my stronger left side... even the veins on my wrist on my right side are smaller and narrower than my left. It's everywhere. It's like I never feel properly whole. It's horrible. It's more annoying for me because I have a very sensitive body. But I try to just get on with life, as in not focusing on it. Its only when you think about it does it make me feel as if there's no way out. It caused me to nearly kill myself in 2012. Self harmed many times and have the scars still. Once I slashed my left arm so much it was covered in streaks of blood. I self harmed again a few days ago, but before that I had not done so for a long long time. Im scared all my fears are coming back.

I'm also wondering whether you might be exaggerating the perfectly normal assymetries we all suffer. What alerted to me to this was your story about one of your wisdom teeth growing sideways. Impacted wisdom teeth (the medical term for this condition) are incredibly common. About one person in four or five suffers from this, and has to have the impacted tooth (or teeth) removed. Although it can affect all the wisdom teeth, it's more common for just one tooth to become impacted. However significant (or not) your other assymetries might be, an impacted wisdom tooth is of no significance whatever - unless it starts hurting, of course.

Finally, I don't want to go into too many painful personal details, but my own experience suggests that if no one has commented on your appearance, it's because no one has noticed it and not because it would be too "harsh". This is especially true if you're still quite young. To be frank, I'm hideously ugly. Always have been. I was small and slim when I was young - and am far from enormous now - but I've always had a huge head with a fat, bloated face, tiny slits for eyes which are seriously assymetrical, and no neck to speak of. In passport photos I always looked as if I weighed at least 30 stone (420lb/190kg), even in the days when I only weighed a quarter of that. I used to joke that I looked like Henry VIII on a bad day.

And everybody noticed it. At school the other girls gave me a terrible time: "How can you see out of such tiny eyes?" and so on and so forth. As a young woman - in the 60s when the obsession with the Body Beautiful was even more marked than now - men would follow me in the street, attracted by my persistent wiggle (itself the result of an untreated congenital hip deformity), my shapely legs and my long chestnut hair. Then they'd overtake me and see my face. I've even been punched in the street by complete strangers just because of the way I looked, and I dreaded walking past building sites because of the insults I'd get. Nothing makes a certain type of young man angrier than an ugly young woman.

Arun, if no one has ever commented on your appearance, trust me - it's because they haven't noticed anything unusual! Many young people can be very cruel, and will pick up on the tiniest unusual feature.

And me? Well, I admit things were tough when I was young. But on the bright side, I never had to go through the agonies some beautiful women endure when they realise they're growing old and losing their looks!

Please seek help. There's clearly nothing seriously wrong with your body. The problem is in your head, and help is available. If you don't believe me, google "body dysmorphic disorder".

I was and still am an introvert. Im just going to carry on I suppose, but I really want to tell someone about this in person. Im having counselling soon and I might tell the counsellor this. Its such a weird, strange abnormal obsession I cant tell you, I TRY to accept my face but I dont think I ever can. I know the asymmetry is so pronounced.

I may have a combination of mental illnesses, and that may be the problem, the one affecting the other. The part of me that often escapes reality by thinking of fantasies that Ive never experienced in real life. Like living on an island, among the trees and wild grass, with someone else for company. And then theres the part of me, my physical body, that gives me a reason to escape, to just escape. I struggle to speak with people, I dont know what to say to them. I always think they can see my flaws. When I go outside, it's like boom, people watching me from their windows, from cars. Whenever a car goes past I think its watching me. I think the cars have eyes and they are looking at me. The headlamps do look like eyes a bit.

Well anyway I am going to the counsellor as I said. Thank you for telling me your story... I want to say right now to you that it means so much to me for telling me this. I love it when people share with me their fears and anxieties, because it makes me feel real. Because outside, when speaking superficially to people, rarely do they talk about their hardships and troubles. I wish society would change. It does seem like Im missing something really big from my life, like something other people have but I dont. I dont know what it is. But thats for another day.

Try and look at your anxiety over your appearance as being abnormal, rather than your appearance itself. I hope all goes well with the counselling.

I appreciate the fact you are trying to help me. I like it when people talk to me, because it makes me feel like a human being. When you are on the internet, you don't see the person, which is a problem for me because I immediately think they are thinking this and that of me and I struggle to be myself. If I met you in real life youd think I was a totally different person to who I appear like here on this forum. I dont know, maybe. I wish people would tell me what they think of me... anything that takes the focus off myself I like. But its not dysmorphia, I honestly have more pronounced asymmetry than other people. Thanks anyway

 "Its not dysmorphia, stop telling me its not real when I know it is." -I told you... I am not a doctor

" I can see it, its there. I just HATE IT. " - I beleive you when you say you can SEE it.

"Youre telling me a different kind of anxiety. Its because you love your son, you want him to eat well, so youre making double sure he will eat it. Thats normal."

- it is not normal to make so much food. I told you I was triggered by my anxiety to please him. You are also not a doctor so I do not expect you to understand MY issues.

"And as for the inability to sleep, by the way I have a solution to this. You are right with the trigger bit, take your duvet and try to sleep in the lounge on the sofa. I put the 2 sofas together once when I was alone in the house as I felt lonely, and slept on it. Also, in my bedroom, I slept on the floor for about 6 months as I didnt like to sleep on my bed for some reason."

- for me this would not be a solution because continuing to sleep on a sofa would drive a wedge between me and my partner. I am working on confronting my anxiety.

- I told you first that everyone experiences anxiety in different ways.  I was open and shared my triggers and anxiety with you. Unfortunately you took this as a personal attack

" I wish people would tell me what they think of me... anything that takes the focus off myself I like."

- This is a support forum. Feel free to explain yourself and exercise tolerance for other people when they are trying to offer helpful suggestions that could benefit you. It sounds like you feel you are under personal attack and you are not.

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