Citalopram again

I'm just gonna buy kalms now so at least i can stop thinking during the night and get some sleep.

Thanks

nothing to loose to try them.

take care

Oh and i'm slowly coming off my mirtazipine for anxiety which I was using to help me sleep at night, but no longer need the dosage i was on.   So, with doctors orders slowly slowly catchy monkey coming off them reducing them and this is going okay.

Thanks

Hi Joanne,

I stupidly decided to stop them myself one day. And this is 4 months later that I'm feeling like this. My doctor said that if they helped me once, they should help me again but if I can't function next week - I will go again.

Thanks for your message - mostly reading here today helped me calm down and seeing that first it gets worse and then better makes me think everything is going to be fine at some point.

Thanks again

Hi Kate,

Your message gave me so much hope at this moment. The thing is the first time I was taking them I didn't even feel slightly bad - that's why I'm panicking so much this time. But as you said they should work - just have to give them some time.

I'm glad they worked for you!

Simona xx

I was similar to you too Simona.  The first time I took them I didn't notice much because I was suffering so bad from anxiety and depression, the meds side effects felt no different to what I was suffering anyway.  Second time around (2 years ago) when I restarted the meds I had really heightened anxiety and one night I had to get up and I paced around the house for quite a while - I couldn't rest as my heart pounded.  After those side effects eased off I had a flat feeling for months that I couldn't shake off - just a nothingness - but in time it lifted and I've been back to full health for a good year now.

I'm glad I restarted as we had family illness at the time which was making me ill - taking the meds helped me cope through a difficult time.  I've since weaned down and am currently on 5mg and will come off at the end of this year again.

Trust in the meds - they will work.

K x

Hi soulcolour,

I'm already back in it - 5th day..

Hi again Simona

I've always taken my meds in the morning, and some people prefer taking it at night.  I don't think it matters too much when you take it as you'll still geel the side effects for a while.  My theory was that taking it in the morning would give me a better effect from it during the day lol ...... 

Glad your sleep was better - morning anxiety will be with you for a while.  It'll go in time.

K x

Hi Kate,

Thanks for your message again! That's my logic too - take in the morning so I'm good during the day but instead I took kalms today morning and just made some camomile tea which I think helps me for now. I'll take Citalopram around lunch to try and see how I'll go.

Thanks again! It's good to have someone to talk to.

Simona xx

Kalms are good ...... also exercise (just a daily walk will help) as it burns off the excess adrenaline ..... also releases endorphins making you feel better too.  Every little helps.

Trying to stay calm, relaxed etc as much as possible in your every day.  Don't rush everywhere, drive slower, listen to soothing music in the car rather than fast pop music, try and 'float' along.  Tension causes anxiety.  Hard to do but with practice your body will start to relax.

I know how you feel.  

K x

Had an awful episode at work again. But figured out that Citalopram takes 4 hours to stop its side effects! So I have to work on a strategy now so I can be normal human during the day...

Going for an evening walk tonight and hopefully my strategy will work over the weekend!

Whoever dealt with this is one strong person!

Thanks again Kate x

Oh sorry to hear that ...... I've had bad times at work I remember, escaping to the loos for a good cry occasionally.  Best thing is to not avoid work or wherever you felt bad.  Try and let the awful feeling be there and remind yourself that you're not well, you can't help it, and your body is healing, this is temporary and you won't feel like this in time.  That's what I used to tell myself.

I used to walk out evey evening.  Being out in the fresh air, amongst nature really helped (even though I often didn't 'see' where I was going and didn't appreciate anything at the time).  I just kept on going.

Yep - I always say that people who suffer with this illness are extremely strong people.

You will get there.  Remember you're recovering from an illness at the moment.

K x

I had a good walk after work and I will try to have another one if I'm well enough tomorrow. Also had half a sandwich which was a success.

How did you focus though when you have that anxiety attack? I can't seem to take my mind off it and focus on something else .

The worst anxiety attack I had was in the middle of the night - woke me up about 3am and it felt like my body was on a huge LSD trip (not that I've ever had any)  - it was so strong I had to get up and I paced around the house. Went back to bed but my heart was pounding .... luckily went to sleep (eventually) and it had gone by the morning.

At other anxiety times I'd try and move about in a relaxed manner.  Letting it be there and working through it in a relaxed way helps so much - breathing steady and just letting it 'do its thing' helps it pass quicker.  Tensing up against it reinforces it.  Not easy at all as our bodies just want to naturally fight against it.

Don't try and focus on something else - if your mind wants to think about it, let it.  Just let it all be there.  

Remember though - this will pass, you will get better, this is temporary and your body isn't well.  

Anxiety is just excess adreneline - exercise helps burn this excess off.

I hope today is a little more peaceful for you.

K xx

Oh God.. Kate that's sounds awful . Reminds me of my anxiety that night after I joined the forum. The difference was I was laying down shivering all night, trying to figure why this is happening instead of accepting it which I think made it worse. Hence I couldn't sleep all night - it was a nightmare!

I think your advice helps me cope with it all - thank you!

Yesterday was not that bad. I got some sleep, showed the house around to new tenants and even forced myself to go out with a friend. The last one wasn't that successful as ended up panicking and felt like I have to get back to my fortress.

Do you think this is from the side effects too? I mean all I want to do is sleep the whole process and wake up me again.

Thank you xx

Yes it was awful - I knew it was just anxiety ('just' eh, haha) - but it was so unpleasant and quite scary.  When I was first ill I'd often wonder 'why' .... 'why is this happening to me' ..... but it was years later after reading many books that I began to understand what actually happens to the body - understanding this took some of the mystery out of this illness for me.  

It so helps talking about it, doesn't it   When I was first ill (1979) there was nobody to talk to - and people just didn't talk about stuff like this back then.  Even doctors didn't really get it, plus I always found it difficult to explain my thoughts and feelings to them in case they thought I was a nutcase .  So I struggled on for years on my own, not even telling my family!!  These meds changed my life.

You'll probably have days where you feel you can do stuff, and times where you'll feel panicky.  As you go through recovery your days will get easier - but it will happen very gradually.  It's best to try and let the panic feeling be there and carry on with what you're doing, but if you feel like you need to go, then try and do it calmly.  Its the same as if you had a bad cold - sometimes you need to be home where you feel more comfy.

I reckon its part meds side effects and part illness.  The illness plays havoc with your neurotransmitters and hormones making you feel ill, and the meds work to correct this imbalance and so will heighten some of the illness to start with as it balances it all out.  This takes much time.

I wanted to wake up well ..... just wanted it all to go away.  Having gone through the experience of the illness and gone through recovery I feel its made me a much more stronger person.  It will happen for you too xx

K xx

Thanks Kate for sharing your story and giving me positivity every day! It's really good to talk to someone about this - someone who understands. My mum is trying but she can't really and I can't blame her because she is worried.

I think I've noticed a difference from week 1 which should mean that the meds are working - which made me hopeful! I even had appetite yesterday which hasn't happened in the last week and i wanted to talk to people! I just hope this progress go on because I'm about to move a house soon and will need a new beginning!

Thank you for being so lovely Kate and helping me go through it!

Its the best thing talking to people about this.  Bottling it up just makes your thoughts go round and round in your head, questioning things which you can't often answer.  

Yes mum's do worry.  My son also had this illness - he had a breakdown 2 years ago and it was awful to watch him suffer.  This is why i restarted my meds because it began to affect me and the last thing I wanted was to plummet into depression and anxiety again when he needed me.  My son couldn't work for 4 months and it took him 9 months to recover.  We talked so much - I sat with him many hours, went walking together, cycling ... even though he didn't really 'see' anything when we went out ... I helped him get involved in African drumming class and he joined a guitar class.  Slowly over the weeks and months he went on his own, continued to take his meds, went back to work ..... and then one day I heard him whistling at home which really made me smile as I knew he was recovering.  He's now completely better, got a girlfriend and is now off his meds.  Oooh .... he also still drums and plays guitar ... quite well now 

I'm actually glad I had the experience of this illness myself now (though I probably won't be saying that if I was ill again)!! ... but it gave me a good understanding so I was able to help my son.  I think its made me a stronger person too.

Its hard for anyone to understand what we go through - you cannot explain exactly what it feels like - only experiencing this wretched illness will anyone fully understand.

Glad to hear you've noticed a difference already.  Yes sounds like things are beginning to happen for you - it happens so slowly doesn't it.

A house move!!  Exciting.

Hope today is a good one for you too.  

K xx