I'm tired of life, with little reason, not dramatic - just 'done'...

Thank you. I wish you luck too. I'm sure you've made some right decisions. Wouldn't it be nice to read about someone who 'recovered' or will we have to live this til the end?

yes...it woukd be very nice to read about someone who has been suffering from depr. and is now feeling happy and normal again

 

You have taken the first step and that is asking for help. It can always be worse. It sounds like you are extremely depressed. I too have had problems keeping jobs and friends.. when I got to the point to where I wanted to end my life, I did something that I've always wanted to do. I went skydiving and all my big problems became very small. I think facing death in an indirect way helped turn my life around. Every time I got to the point to where I was depressed I would go skydiving again. About seven years ago I didn't think it to get worse but I got Dystonia torticollis, that's where your muscles start pulling the wrong way. My head lies on my shoulder and I'm in extreme pain all the time. In between being depressed and getting torticollis I actually became successful until I got torticollis. Please try skydiving jumping out of a plane will help. And remember it can always get worse. If you realize how lucky you are and that "the big problems in life are really not as big as what you think" I am now broke and I'm worse off than I've ever been but I feel everyday is a gift. Even though I'm in extreme pain and my body is distorted now for some reason I want to live every minute that I possibly can. Just remember it could always be worse. Merry Christmas

What a fantastic answer, but also a really bad one!! Let me explain...

​Firstly I'm very pleased to see you are happy and treat every day as a gift. Obviously I'm sorry you have such daily physical problems but I'm sure that makes you even happier you did the skydiving when you did. I'm really pleased what you did worked for you and it's encouraging to find a rare example of someone who has somewhat defeated depression even if the cost of that has been quite extreme.

​But then on the same hand, not recognising how lucky I am isn't the problem, it's knowing that I am and I'm still not feeling good which then further compounds how bad I feel about myself. I know I'm luckier than most, I know things could be worse, I live in an affluent country with water on tap, have good health and had a normal upbringing with no major traumas. So knowing this makes me feel EVEN worse about myself. I see I'm selfish, and ungrateful, and petty and all other words - why can't I just be happy?

​I've put my life on the line a few times, both within the safety confines of organised activities and on the less controlled activities I may do myself - it doesn't help me. Being near death doesn't impact me positively or negatively - I'm almost apathetic to it.

​And this is why your answer is both fantastic and bad! For you, and others it may work. You are obviously an inspiration to lots of people not only for the physical issues (which are almost a separate issue) but for the fact you have altered your way of thinking in a positive manner. But they also highlight how everyone's issues are unique - and as well intentioned, and even correct, your view that it could be worse it, that can actually make people feel worse.

​If we all focused on 'it could be worse' they'd be very few people in this world who could complain, unfortunately it's not that simple. This depression doesn't care that I'm lucky, it just cares that I think badly of myelf and reminds me of it every day and actually accelerates when I speak to people who could argue they do have a good reason to feel bad. I know I don't - and that makes it even worse.

​Thanks for your reply, I hope I didn't come across aggressively! I'm very happy that you are happy and hope things improve if that's possible for you. Good luck, have a great Christmas and a lovely New Year. 

Well, from reading your stuff here it would appear that we think in a similar fashion.  Quite obvious really, otherwise why was I searching for other's thoughts on 'being tired of life'!

Anyway, having read all of your posts here I'd like to say that I appreciate someone taking the time to punctuate as properly as someone can be reasonably expected to.

I read someone here say to get some 'less stressful' work like in a warehouse or something similar, well, let me tell that person that any and all work which involves interaction with other humans is highly stressful, incredibly tiring and seemingly ultimately pointless!

Not having the luxury of either family, friend or partner to bail me out I must work or sleep on the streets within weeks.  No other options due to my inability to function as a normal human.  Personal responsibility is a wonderful thing.

It is New Year's Day 2016 and thankfully that (oh such fun and loving) period of falseness is over for another 11 months!  I wonder how many more there will be and will they all be quite so alone (not lonely) for me.

rsjg, you apparently have some free time on your hands during the days while the bread winner in your team is at work for you. You also sound as though you like to help people and don't currently have any excuse not to try something simple for someone else's benifit.  So, what I want you to do with your loose end time is to research (get this right please) High Functioning Asperger's Syndrome for me.  Now, I cannot pay you, you will purely be helping me out, there is no end to the research and all you get is satisfaction and something else to think about for a while.

How does this sound to you?

The reason I ask is purely that I don't have either the time or the inclination to do something for myself as I don't deserve the help from me that others receive without question, oh and the fact that High Functioning AS adults currently don't get diagnosed (labelled) due to them being too clever and the only so called 'real help' out there costs an arm and a leg, both of which I'd rather keep hold of thanks!

Please don't pick holes in my punctuation, grammar and sentence building (lack of) skills, I may have also once been a teacher, been measured by British Mensa and found to be an actual genius and have taken ages writing and re-writing this, but I still make mistakes.

At least Google - High Functioning Asperger's Syndrome, become a specialist and help people in the future to work smarter with my lifelong challenges.

Cheers and Happy New Year

I had a few people on her write to me over Xmas/ New Year but needed to ignore them - too much energy was needed to focus on acting happy and normal around family!

​I wish I could talk to you more directly than on an open forum. I've said before, knowledge is a great thing - but it can also be a curse. You need to be particuarly careful self-diagnosing but also need to think whether this diagnosis is in any way helpful to you. Say you decide that you are HFAS - how does that help you? If you can't source help then it is just another meaningless semantic for feeling awful day to day.

​I've also mentioned that it is probably important to get outside your own head - think about doing things that stop you thinking about yourself. However, as a caveat, I also recognise doing anything (like talking to another human being as you rightly point out!) can be extrememly stressful.

​I'd never pick holes in others punctuation and grammar unless they were doing it to others! It's a forum, not a thesis! However if you have the time and pride to check your message back then maybe you do have the time to look at HFAS if it interests you.

​To be honest, knowledge is something I despise yet am addicted to so I will inevitably be searching HFSA after I've written this reply! But without an argument or focus it is impossible to really research a topic to any purpose. I will happily help others if I can (preferably from afar!) but not sure what I could do to focus your research on this matter and whether it'd even be of any benefit to you anyway.

​Like I said, there is certainly an interesting discussion to be had but unfortunately I doubt this is the place to do it effectively for you or I.

​Good Luck.

Quick research, scan read. Told you I would... I definitely don't have HFSA. You may well have but it'd take more than a quick chat to establish that.

​As I'm sure you're aware, everyone is somewhere on the autistic spectrum and all the various labels that spin off that. Even the most 'normal' of people might feel particuarly calmed by a colour, or get irritated by a simple tapping noise. The issues arise when your 'quirks' impact on your life. Mine do for me, and yours sound like they do for you.

​I have had a ton of labels I have both researched or been told about that might fit my ways of thinking and acting but the conclusion I reached was that it was all kind of pointless - a label by its very nature is just a broad title to fit many people and when that comes to the brain it's a very pointless exercise. You might be able to group broken limbs in patients but with the head it's nearly impossible  - there's too many bits that do or don't apply for every individual. Ultimately a title is only helpful to point you in the right direction to get you personalised help. And it HAS to be personalised.

​I think I have depression, with social anxiety. I have signs of bipolar, I get symptoms of SAD, I have trichotillomania, I have mild OCD that gets worse if I'm stressed, I have panic attacks, I over think everything, I have low self-esteem and no confidence, I feel suicidal most days and a million other mini-labels. Doesn't help me though. It's the classic 'what's in a name?'

​I hope you see my point. We sound very similar yet I would class myself as a people pleaser, I rarely sure emotion outside the house and am overly polite to even strangers. So whilst HFSA might apply in parts, it doesn't solve everything.

​Think about what you want from this title. How will it help you? You might be better focusing on the things that make you feel better, not labelling something that makes you feel bad.

Good luck.

Well let's try simplify things yer take a short cut home and trip and break your ankle.

Painful and going to take time to heal. You do what's required without a second thought. You think about it you convince yourself that rest and guidance is the key but you never need to question why that day you chose the short cut.

The brain however gets a rougher deal if that breaks. You know what you need to do because the experts tell you but why believe them ? Why ? Let's question and even if there right you question how. When. Why me.

Jeeze it's an organ.

Forgive forget way up see what yer got live now move on.

Been there its around the corner. Just let it be

Mate I can't speak for others but compared to some on this path you are to be applauded. You are nothing short of a perfect human being that I for one would happily share this planet.

I don't know when you wrote this or how your feeling now but I am feeling the thoughts.

There is a simple answer for you to feel what others feel but I personally think you should stay where you are and that is to live for the next breath.

You however seem to know this and some so I'm guessing you feel similar to me. The answer for you is not to concentrate on the whys his and why not but to keep on doing what your doing and compliment yourself for it as your making the world a better place

I feel the exact same way, we are all lead to believe that we are unique. This is the strangest thing I've ever experienced. I do believe we need to chat together. The way you feel is the exact same as I feel in my life right now.

Thank you Steve. You've helped me a little and I need all the hlep I can get.

Join the army. Your overthinking and social anxiety is caused by the fact that there is too much in this world. Too many potential opportunities choices and expectations. In the at you have a very simple job and it sets up a routine and discipline.

Big hug & prayers to you Steve. I know this is years later but I can't help but tear up when you speak of dystonia, because my mum had it and I'm sure it was the toughest time in her life. She did recover though with prayer & Botox injections etc. I wish you strength.

if i need to explain myself this is what i am goign to copy in my note..this is whats happening to me its so horrible miserable helpless... useless piece of annoying s**t

I'm not convinced that anybody really recovers from it. It's a day to day thing I think. People are prescribed medication and, with help from others, they some how learn to cope.

And yes, until the world accepts that some us just really would rather not be here, I think we [will] have to "live this til the end".

Good luck to us all.