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girl friend depressed, problem in relationship

Posted , 3 users are following.

sunthoshe
sunthoshe

I  found out my girlfriend has depression, she didn't tell me on purpose because I was in stress with my work. It came out during a yelling match between me and her. She refused to tell me anything and I felt it was wrong to pursue the matter as both our tensions were high at the time. Before I found out I was convinced in my mind she was possibly cheating on me or at the least wanted out of the relationship. This was due to her verbal attacks on me daily, about very little things. It all started in odd time when everything was in place just right(I was actually spending more time with her to keep her comfortable). Anything really I do she can find fault in. I would react to this with anger and defending myself. Not knowing she was depressed. Its a daily battle for over 2 months now (been together 5 years) everyday she verbally attacks me for not even my fault. I was convince she was cheating due to this, and I broke one of my own rules I looked on her phone. I found nothing to suggest she was doing anything wrong. She caught me doing this and dumped me and maybe rightfully so. She dumps me lieing or by just not answer the right way she usually does. I felt I had 2 options when I decided to "spy", leave her, which I didn't and don't want to do. I do love her and care for her a lot. But due to the intimacy we grew over the last few years,. I'm 26 shes 24 When before we had a "healthy" happy life. Between the no response and the verbal attacks I was convinced she was cheating. Im not insecure or nothing like that. I maybe should have just left. I dont know. Anyways Im a little upset she didn't share the fact she is depressed and wont talk about it with me. I would have not risen to the insults I would have given her more space. I wouldn't have cared about the intimate life. I'm just gutted about the whole thing really. I love her, I care for her,I do most of her work to make sure she will be stress free when I'm needed by her. I'm basically a door mat. I turned into one over the last few months because I thought it would improve the relationship. It seems to have back fired because I think she lost respect for me for not standing up to her maybe. She wont tell me she loves me, she wont show me affection, if i ask her she doesnt react back. she wont say what she really wants. Is it the depression or im I just an easy mark. And yes I am accountable for the fact I checked her personal things. It was wrong I know. I was desperate and still am. And I am totally accountable for it. It was wrong. Also shes not acepting the fact she need coynselling and doesn't go to tharpy . I do know she is been taking pressure because of our relationship at home.(their parents are against it). And she has bad past in her child hood(molestation).she says i yell at her and she is scared(am accountable because of my work pressure).i have suffered depression as well.. Thanks for any help. I cant suggest she do anything because she just verbally blasts me and starts name calling. I have stopped rising to it now, well for the most part its hard being put down day after day and getting no affection, respect or love. Its like she hates me but doesn't.. Heck I don't know. What do I do? How do I support her? She says she would be happier without me, she says she hates me, and to be fair she did tell me a year ago she was finding it hard to love me. She said how can I love you if I cant love myself.. I thought she was just having a bad day. She says its my choice to stay. And it is. But I cant deal with this I don't think. BUT I cant just leave her, just like I wouldn't leave my dad or sister to it. I would try to help them and thats why im here. I wouldn't leave her if she had cancer or was crippled, and I view the depression as kinda like that. I mean she didn't choose it. Im afraid to suggest any kind of help because she will just cut me up verbally like really nasty stuff.. So is this just my life now? i would love to take take care of her to the entire life and be happy with her. please help me with it .... i want her back....TIA

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • archemedes
    archemedes sunthoshe

    Posted

    Mental health issues are the most difficult things for sufferers to accept and discuss because they feel guilty that they cannot cope, they feel gulity that nothing goes right around them, the are convinced that the world has a down on them, they can be constantly tired and worried about other manifestations of their condition probably connected with a health issue, they become paranoid that their partners may be cheating on them and the worst one of the lot, they cannot quite put their fingers on the problem and mostly do not want to seek medical help for it.

    For any partner this behaviour can be totally frustrating because we all assume that they are just having a bad day, or something similar.

    The only advice I can give any partner of a person with a mental health issue is to have as much PATIENCE, TIME & ENCOURAGEMENT as you feel it is your nature to give, and then some.

    If you have difficulty in doing this, then whilst it is difficult to picture this, just imagine if you can that the shoe was on the other foot, and you were the sick one. How do you feel you would want to be treated?

    • sunthoshe
      sunthoshe archemedes

      Posted

      Hi

      Thanks for the quick reply am so glad u took time to help me solve the issue, the situation now is the girl is not ready to listen to me and calls it my fault, as thier parents are continuosly yelling at her.(because we are in a relationship). she is not ready to talk to me about this. and she blames me for the situation. i can totally understand her situation. but i want to help her with this situation and give her my complete support to achieve positive result.

      she feels am trying to get her back but the fact being am trying to help her with her situation. wat can i do to help her. 

      right now we are staying away from each other as she feels my presence gives her hyper tension and anxiety. i want to give her space and see her healthy before i talk about her issues.

      wat woould u suggest me on this. 

      thanks in advance.

    • archemedes
      archemedes sunthoshe

      Posted

      Yes it is a difficult situation.

      If you can text or email her I would be tempted to say that you have sought medical advice and you are now just beginning to understand what she has been going through.

      If you add that you didn't realise how difficult things must be for her, but now you understand you will support her in any way that you can. 

      Also that all you want is for her to get well and through this difficult time.

      I would mention that you love her very much and you promise not to argue with her, but you do feel it would be a very good thing if she could bring herself to see her doctor in order to get some professional help.

      I think this is all you can do for the moment.

    • sunthoshe
      sunthoshe archemedes

      Posted

      thanks for ur valuable suggestion

      I should try this.

      infact i myself wanted to seek some medical advice regarding this and was about to see one.

      but am scared she might take it in a negative way. and keep me more further away.

      anyway i should see the doc and try talk to her as well...

    • archemedes
      archemedes sunthoshe

      Posted

      The secret with the type of condition that your partner is suffering from is not to press any idea too hard, otherwise it can be counter-productive.

      It is a great idea for you to at least talk it over with your own doctor, as this must be having quite a profound effect on you too, and the last thing that is needed is for you to also fall into a black hole of depression.

      When to contact her if I were you I would not press the idea of her going to see her doctor, but merely mention it gently.

      If you tell her that you have done the very same thing it might just encourage her to do the same.

      My best wishes

  • tedd58047
    tedd58047 sunthoshe

    Posted

    i stumbled across this old thread on the internetand well it .sounds really similar to a   sistuation i was in ,im windering if things went in your favor??? 
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