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I'm really struggling with my depression that has been with me since my teens, im now 40

Posted , 10 users are following.

edward26399
edward26399

Hi everyone/anyone?? This is the first time i have ever been on a forum and have read peoples posts and can relate to so much of it. I am now 40 and have been depressed since around about 15, though i didnt realise it then. I suppose i first seeked help in my early 20's and was on various pills but nothing seemed to work as well as cognatitive therapy that i hated as it was a group thing and couldnt open up in front of people. Since then i have fought it everyday with periods of having good days and bad days but for the last few months have been so low that im just so tired of the daily fight and feel suicidal. I dont want to die, im terrified of dying but i cant go on with the daily feelings of being worthless, no self esteem and negative thoughts all the time. I dont have a close family and friends that i have spoken to dont really understand how lonely low i feel and i dont want to keep burdening them as they have there own problems and young families to be concerned about. It also depresses me that i will never have my own family and feel like im going to die alone. Im seeing a counsellor at the moment but its just me spouting my problems and she listens, which helps for a short while but the black cloud quickly comes back. Also sometimes when im there i dont want to talk and repeat the same old sh*t about my thoughts cause it doesnt get me anywhere, so why bother. Im single after being dumped a while back and feel so lonely and miss being in a relationship but feel that no woman would want me as i have nothing to offer, im trying to better my life by doing a college course and improve my prospects but still feel like its all so far away. Has anybody tried hypnotherapy? does it work? i dont have much money and want to find something that helps as the counselling doesnt seem to make a difference. Hope to hear back from someone, thanks for listening, sorry if i've droned on

1 like, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • stephaney28634
    stephaney28634 edward26399

    Posted

    hi Edward, I know what your going through. I suggest you seek advice from your gp. Hope it helps
  • Melancholy
    Melancholy edward26399

    Posted

    I'm sorry to hear you feel like that and nothing's been helping. I'm wondering, though... How extensive was the medical side of the story? You said you tried lots of pills but nothing helped - did they ever increase the dose? I know when I first tried meds I was so low the small amount you start with did absolutely nothing. After tripling the dose I noticed some difference. In meds it's also a case of trial and error, both with the label and doses. Could you consider that in your current situation?

    If having no family is something you dread not having, considered having a dog? I know it's a lame imitation and doesn't cover even half, but for myself I could see that helping if I could afford one. They do become like family members and the good point is - they'll never, ever betray you. Ofc if you're not a pet lover that's bad advice. Just throwing it out there!

    I know how loneliness feels too well. I currently really have no-one in my life (besides random talks with my mother over texts once a month or so, and rarely when I feel able to, taking my son overnight) I wish I could have a relationship as well. Just the idea of someone being close and caring that much is almost overwhelming. But like you, I feel I wouldn't deserve anyone. If I can't love myself, why would someone love me, right. Then again, in the end we're all in this world alone. Even if I secretly wish someone would help me through I know it's something I have to deal with myself. Others can offer support, but I have to do all the heavy lifting.

    I don't have any experience in therapy yet, so I can't say anything about that. But I can say it's great you're trying. Even without meds or therapy, you're still seeking ways to improve yourself - don't you think that's pretty amazing? Imagine what you could do with even more help. 

    I was ready for suicide just two days ago - but I find talking to people on these forums has really helped me. Sometimes it's a tiny push, a matter of being heard that'll keep you fighting. There's a lot of people here that surely would listen and share their thoughts with you. You're not alone in fighting the illness.

    • edward26399
      edward26399 Melancholy

      Posted

      Hi Melancholy, thanks for replying it really does help. Perhaps i should consider going back to the doctor but i just dont like the idea of trying different tablets and being relient on them. As for the dog, i would love one but im not allowed one by the landlady in the flat i rent and it wouldnt be fair to leave it alone when im out all day at work. You sound like a really nice, loving person with a good heart so im sure you will find someone who will love you for you. Thank you again for taking the time to reply

       

    • Melancholy
      Melancholy edward26399

      Posted

      I know how that feels too. I've been battling my hate for meds for years, but I'm starting to feel I have no other way of moving forward than to take that step and hope for the best. 

      Shame you can't have a dog. Pets can be therapeutic, though I had to give my cat up - just wasn't in the shape to look after it. 

      Thanks for the kind words, though that's a pretty tall order there! Maybe one day, but definitely not anywhere in the near future. Don't you lose hope on that part, either! My mother found her true love in her 40's after many dissapointments. It's never too late for anything.

    • jared14067
      jared14067 edward26399

      Posted

      I have a recommendation, in which i have yet to try, or be able to try, to help deal with my depression. I would recommend that since you cant have a dog, maybe you could volenteer for an animal shelter, or the humane society, because then you not only get to be around dogs, you get to be around people that could share a similar interest in dogs. working at a shelter can also potentially help with a feeling of worth if you dont feel very worthful, as you can clearly see the amount in which you are helping other animals. it can open your eyes a bit more to how powerful the smallest actions are and give you a reason to live, a thing to look forwards to. If animals aren't your thing, then maybe you could volenteer at foodshelters, as you can see the greatful faces of people in which you are passing food out to, and feel that you have made people have a better day. i have yet to try this since i am sadly not old enough, i have felt many similar feelings and had occasional suicidal thoughts, and being around my dog and cat has really helped because to me, they have never implied or done anything that was meant to harm me, they were always there, and they have no bias to you. say if you were bullied (i dont know if you were or are or such) then the animals are never going to do that and are what helped me through mine. 

      i hope this helps out somewhat, and if there are any refutes i would love to suggest more things that might help but a few donts with depression (i found out the harder ways) are just sitting around doing nothing (because it builds a feeling of not being needed) avoid wallowing ( as it just makes it worse) and avoidbottleing it up, there is a time and place to say all the feelings, like to a family member or psychiatrist, but you have to be willing to let the feelings out to someone who can help. my family would never hurt me and hopefully yours wouldn't you, but if they do you also have the psychiatrist to talk to. the one thing that i guess i am trying to say (sorry about rambling, i have that problem as well as getting the short end of the gene pool rolleyes) is that you cant not do nothing, if your job is hurting you/ making you feel bad, take an extended break and do something you love, if you dont love something, delve into the endless world of potential hobbys, any sport or mind game like chess and football, or even working out is clinically proven to make you feel better in the long run (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurobiological_effects_of_physical_exercise#Euphoria), all in all just try making yourself have a worth to you, you are already valued in atleast some way, whether you realize it or not, but you personally need to make a thing in which you feel valued and feel valuable, thats what is suggest.

  • elizabeth20203
    elizabeth20203 edward26399

    Posted

    Hello Edward,  Well done for working and doing a college course, you have the right attitude.  I understand being alone and lonely. I haven't tried hypnotherapy myself so cannot comment. I have had counselling and group therapy all helpful. Have you looked up groups in your area that say have depression, people meet for a friendly chat and are very understanding. It's not therapy groups just people suffering that ant to get together for coffee or a drink in neutral places. Have a look in the library for confidence and self esteem builing groups. I belong to a couple of meet up groups. We meet for coffee, walks, meals etc. I have mobility problems and i go for a little walk and meet for coffee afterwards. Working on yourself is great and in time you may meet someone special, concentrate on enjoying your time with others. I have met some lovely people, without the meet ups i would go virtually nowhere. There are groups for all sorts of activities too such as walking, travelling, sports, meals out, learning new languages anything almost.  Look up local meet ups and you get lists within a 25 mile radius. Most cost nothing to join give it a go. i have given up looking for love now but i enjoy meeting new people.

    Best wishes.

    Elizabeth.

     

    • edward26399
      edward26399 elizabeth20203

      Posted

      Thankyou Elizabeth, maybe that is something i should consider, it can be hard trying to find time with work, college etc but i will look in to it. I hope your true love finds you soon, it may come when you least expect it. X
  • mishellian
    mishellian edward26399

    Posted

    My experience: After a while, I felt that the counselling didn't really help me move on with my life.  I did the whole historical thing by unpicking old family memories and had a good cry on more than one occasion but I felt it wasn't really helping me really take my life by the balls.  I constantly felt like a failure, like I hadn't found my place in life and time was moving really fast plus I was in my 6th year of singledom.  I tried a variety of things but I then discovered hypnotherapy and NLP.  I listened to a lot of motivational speakers and got into a more positive mindset.

    So if you're asking if hypnotherapy helps.  It helped me.  It was like the permanent scaffolding was finally off my shoulders as I went about doing series of things that were enjoyable but also were perhaps "out of my comfort zone" - it made me feel I was headed into the right direction and a feeling of accomplishing something.  A chance to feel significant.

    Remember happiness is a doing word.  Do a series of things you like or like the sound of as a start and throw in a couple of things that scare you and watch your life change....(my scary thing was travelling and I managed to do backpack on my own).

    Keep life inspirational.  I'm excited for you.  It's going to unfold for you.

  • Digsby
    Digsby edward26399

    Posted

    Hi Edward,

    How are things going for you now? You had some great supportive replies and I really liked Melancholy's idea about dog therapy. I can't have a dog in my flat either but I have friends with pets and when I'm in need of some dog-therapy, I borrow the dog for a few hours and go walking. It's a great solution - dog without the full-time responsibility and exercise.

    I struggle with self-confidence (lack of) and depression only makes it worse. But I read somewhere that you can fake confidence and if you do it enough, you can actually start to feel better about yourself. It's like borrowing the quality from your future self. Self-esteem is a much deeper thing though and your mind may not let you fake that. I have worked on changing my mindset and attitude towards myself, being more compassionate and less judgemental, more grateful for what I do have and less stressed about what I don't have. You already have a great attitude and are making strides to better yourself. People are attracted to others who can feel positive about themselves and can show confidence (even if they don't feel it). Also doing things that show caring and compassion for others is a helpful way to give life meaning and take the focus off of your perceived failings (which we always overinflate). You are a really great guy and have such a lot to offer the world. Don't hold back and don't give up. Let us know how you are getting on. Good luck :-)

    Digsby x

    • edward26399
      edward26399 Digsby

      Posted

      Hi Digsby, thanks for your message. I am feeling ok at the moment, still the odd bad day and so on but i have been reading a book about self confidence and it has helped abit and made me see things in a different light but its still early days but i do feel more positive than i did. i have pushed myself to do things and get out and about and that helps alot. Hope everything is ok with you

       

  • prose780
    prose780 edward26399

    Posted

    I am only 27 but I feel similar about seeing a counsellor. Of course just venting to someone a couple of times a week makes me feel better, but its not changing anything really. I have never heard of hypnotherapy. I like the sounds of it.. perhaps I will look into it as well.

    I think if you could twist your being single as a good thing you might not feel as lonely? I am depressed and the worst part is I've now attached my husband and son along for my depression ride. I wish I could be alone and work on myself, but I have the day to day things to focus on and it is very draining.

    I can only suggest you do what i would do if I was single and 40... work 60 hours a week and spend my free time playing video games / online / snacking / cleaning / hobbies... just try and enjoy the small things in life for a while and your purpose is bound to reveal itself

  • Meganpooch
    Meganpooch edward26399

    Posted

    Hi Edward

    I found Hypnotherapy to be excellent in the early days of my depression. Had an NHS counsellor too that was hopeless and really didn't understand but then found a wonderful one privately. CBT group therapy was not for me.

    Despite my forum name i am a 53 year old single bloke and have been on Fluoxetine at various doses for over 6 years now - currently 30mg (on liquid).I also would love a dog but have mobility issues which means i couldn't take it for walks - pity.

    I'm glad things are a bit better for you now. I still have the odd day when i really can't concentrate on anything but i know they will pass.It's frustrating but i have learnt to not fight this illness and to go with the flow and put myself first. I hope you keep improving. Best wishes.

    • edward26399
      edward26399 Meganpooch

      Posted

      Thank you, yeah its true its too tiring too fight it so i just try and get through it as best i can, hope things are good for you.

       

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