I'm desperate and alone!
Posted , 4 users are following.
I've been suffering with recurrent depression for 3 years +! I've always had MH problems! Anxiety, panic disorder, confusion and generally not fitting in to society! I have been on so many antidepressants I can't count in these 3 years! Previously I managed it with exercise! But this episode has been more severe! I've put on 5+ stones! I've had suicidal thoughts constantly for about a year, some intentional! Since being honest about this I've not really had the support I expected! As in nothing from the NHS! Recently been diagnosed with bipolar, but not sure this sits right with me! Although I know in some respects I fit the bill and my family have agreed it is so! I'm to start taking olanzapine instead of my mirtazapine asap, then withdraw from venlafaxine! I'm so scared, I'm frightened of the new side effects, I'm frightened it will be another dead end! I'm scared I'll get that overweight I won't be able to reverse it! But is this scarier than the thought I might actually kill myself on impulse as I am so desperately unhappy and confused with life and what my purpose on this world is! Help me please 
1 like, 3 replies
mrs.wife24531 sarah50642
Posted
callianne_65675 sarah50642
Posted
I was also diagnosed BP a few years ago and it didn't 'sit well' me either. I went on meds and felt a lot better for a period. I am told this illness is one we manage rather than recover from. The thing I focus on is that it is a mood disorder, Psychiatrist treat one for mood disorder. Whether it is called BP or something else does not really matter (if that makes sense). They treat it symptom wise.
I also hate meds! and I'm also overweight. At the end of the day though, the most important thing for me, is to feel well and peaceful (if possible) day by day.
Once one feels better they can tackle things like overweight or other issues.
I love walking and have found a new interest in food. The nutritional kind.
I care more about being healthy than what I look like. Exercise can be so hard when you are depressed. I know!
If you are suicidal you need to speak to your Doctor, asap.
I know I can feel that way one day and the next day I feel great! This is the nature of how BP effects me. But, I also have PTSD and borderline. Oh what fun!
Buffplums sarah50642
Posted
oh i am so sorry to hear about your situation. I was suffering with what I now know was GAD general anxiety disorder. My GP put me on pregablin which is really for trauma but for me it was like a miracle drug, my aches ad pains went, so did my lethargy, to a degree biut this relapsed a bit. I eventually swent in to Citranoplan but was moved onto sertraline
One thing though Sarah, please , pleasetry and not think about suicide, i dont know how to help you in this but my friend killed himself on fathers day, why we will never know but I think depression and over work drove him over the edge.
Its difficult to suggest ways to help but maybe a Psychtherapist could help you? Talking about things is often a good step so I believe so if you want to talk please drop me a line.