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Having a terrible day with extreme anxiety bordering on panic attack. Chest has been tight all day due to copd as I haven't stopped smoking. Voice is hoarse. I think I have lung and/ or throat cancer. I will not go for cancer treatments as I can't handle the idea of going through that. I'm ready to die. I just don't want the horrors right before I pass. I wish I could take my mind off this. I did this to myself. I have never had any good reason to live or stay alive. I've been on all kinds of anti depressanats and tried different meds. I think I'm better off dead but if I kill myself I'll wind up in hell. I wish that wasn't the case. I just don't feel like I can live anymore.
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hypercat jim48507
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You will get the horrors if you are ill and don't seek treatment. You will die in excruciating pain as there will be no pain meds for you will there? You did not do anything to yourself. Ok you smoke but that doesn't mean you are guilty of anything. It only means you smoke. We all do things like smoke, overeat, don't take enough exercise etc. We know they are bad for us but we are all human after all.
You have a choice - seek treatment and either put your mind at rest or have the chance to be helped, or put up with how you are feeling now for the rest of your life.
I am sorry to be so harsh when you are feeling so bad but I am just tryng to get you to face reality.
Why don't you at least get this checked out? You might not have cancer at all? If you do then ok review the evidence and then decide what to do. What have you got to lose? You can still refuse treatment if you want to but at least you will know won't you?
Well done for posting in here. Stay with us and we will help and support you all we can. We care about you. I do as well. Bev xx
jim48507 hypercat
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carole28488 jim48507
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jim48507 carole28488
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carole28488 jim48507
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jim48507 carole28488
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hypercat jim48507
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The things I regret not doing now are taking all my opportunities. I now know that it is better to try and fail then not to try at all.
You have all the rest of your life ahead of you and while I know how daunting that feels just concentrate on day by day living and try to make your life the way you want it. You owe it to yourself to choose what you want in life, what path to take etc. Follow your dreams. Bev x
carole28488 jim48507
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hypercat carole28488
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I have made various suicide attempts through my life but am not going to any more as I am approaching the tail end of it anyway. I might as well see the it through now to the end.
I agree with you - I know I will always be ok and much of the time I am content if not happy, but then I never expected happiness!
Bev x
jim48507 carole28488
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carole28488 jim48507
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carole28488 jim48507
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hypercat carole28488
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Aw bless you Carole. I am in the UK. You were a paramedic? Wow fantastic and I salute you. Bev xx
carole28488 jim48507
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