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At what point do you admit defeat?

Posted , 4 users are following.

dondons
dondons

I am so tired of life, of living! I'm tired of feeling alone, tired of waking each morning (when I sleep) with the same feeling of dread, I'm tired of being tired!

I've tried for a long time to get better, to feel better but it just doesn't happen, why? Well I'm know I'm not a good person and I often convince myself that I deserve this and maybe I do but I can't cope with it anymore! I've tried (albeit feeble) suicide attempts, turns out it's not as easy as I'd thought!

I've been on so many different meds, been to counselling, have had help from mental health team, psychiatrist, psychologist but nothing has actually helped.

Way back when my depression first started it was easier, you know? It wasn't pleasant but I coped, I managed day to day tasks, managed to smile once in a while, but it only got harder. I've lost all trace of a "normal" life, My 3 babies are now living with family, my eldest chose to leave ( who could blame her ) and my son who's with me now, well I'm sure it won't be long before he chooses to leave too! I brought this on myself, I should have tried more, done more! I know that and I don't want pity, God knows I've got more than enough for myself! I just want it to be over but scared it will never be.

Guess I've just answered my own question!

2 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 dondons

    Posted

    This is sad and i hope you find the strength to realize now you see life is how it will be. I understand its depression though and its hard to see anything positive. Be lovely if you could find a really caring health care team to help you get on the correct working doses or mix of meds that could help you. Maybe an in house  kind of situation would be a good idea as the doctors can work a bit closer with you. I do not think you even want to die,  i think you want to be free of this dark loomy cloud that you are dealing with. Wishing you the very best and dont be afraid to see if you can check yourself into a hospital to get the proper attention to regulate this.
  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 dondons

    Posted

    Hi Dondons

    it sounds like you have tried very hard to get better and I'm so sorry to hear your circumstances. I know you mentioned trying many medications but clearly you haven't found the right combination. I would start demanding help from your gp it's no good taking medication if it's not helping you. I don't think you should blame yourself for your circumstances. .its your illness. What are you currently taking and is it helping at all?

    I know your tired from battling every day but you will get better in time and its essential that you have the right combination of meds.

    Always keep that spark of hope going. Keep determined that you will keep demanding help from the medical profession.

    I too think I could try harder to get better but this is us feeling guilty whereas we are not to blame...its our illness.

    God bless you

    wishing you success in finding the right combination in getting you well again xx

  • dondons
    dondons

    Posted

    Xxx
    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 dondons

      Posted

      Don't give in Dondons.  Nothing ever stays the same, just stay around to see what happens.  Miracles happen....sometimes.

      Sending you a hug.

      Pat.xxxxx

    • ellen82139
      ellen82139 dondons

      Posted

      Just stay awake,listen to what we,your friends on here have said.and see your go in the morning.
    • ellen82139
      ellen82139 dondons

      Posted

      You may say you are okay.

      please see your go or if not in uk

      where r u

      see your healthcare provider

    • dondons
      dondons ellen82139

      Posted

      I see my GP all the time, he's lovely been my gp since I was young but even he doesn't understand not really xx
    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 dondons

      Posted

      Dondons, you are resisting everything that we say.  It's very hard to support anyone who is so negative.  Please, please give us some sign of how we could help you.  Do you know how much we care, how much it matters to us?  Do you know how much we want to help you?

      You say that nobody understands....even your GP.....you aren't that unique Dondons......I would imagine almost everyone who uses this site understands, or they wouldn't have visited here.

      We care, don't write us off as being useless people who don't understand.  That would be an insult to all who have suffered from depression.

      I would do anything to help you, but I cannot fight your negativity.

      Bless you, I hope you can get through this.

      Patxxxx

    • dondons
      dondons patricia44773

      Posted

      Was just being truthful, i didn't say I was unique nor that anyone was useless, I know how kind everyone is on here and i know everyone suffers, know I'm not the only one, I didn't say I was, but you're right...Negativity is all I've got.

      I'm sorry X

    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 dondons

      Posted

      You have nothing to be sorry for....you are letting nobody down but yourself. 

       

    • ellen82139
      ellen82139 patricia44773

      Posted

      I so agree with pat if not see your gp

      please get a second opinion

      you are being too hard on yourself

    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 dondons

      Posted

      How are you doing, Dondons?  When I saw you had posted I was hoping for some good news.  An update would be nice.

      Thinking of you,

      Pat xxx

    • dondons
      dondons patricia44773

      Posted

      I'm sorry I have no good news things Are just getting worse.

      I'm sorry for my comment the other day if I came across as rude xx

    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 dondons

      Posted

      No, no....you didn't come across as rude at all.  You just sounded desperate and I felt so helpless.

      Keep trying, Dondons, don't give in.

      Pat xxx

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