1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

12 wks ongoing

Posted , 7 users are following.

sonia49458
sonia49458

hi my boyfriend left me begining september 12 wks ago, after 12yrs i cant move on i am in bits every single day, i had to leave work early today as i broke down hysterically.... luckily i was in the office and not on shop floor, he has moved on and dating as if nothing is wrong.

1 like, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • RHGB
    RHGB sonia49458

    Posted

    You have to move on, he has, like it or not, it is probably finished.

    The only real healer is time.

    In the mean time, got busy get back on the social circuit, I don't necessarily mean dating, I mean going out, keeping yourself busy and not having time to brood and think about it.

  • patricia44773
    patricia44773 sonia49458

    Posted

    Oh you poor girl!!  I am so, so sorry.  You should treat this as a grieving process, Sonia, you will go through all the same stages and eventually, even though you don't believe it, you will come out at the other end.  I know it's a much used saying....but it's true....."Time does heal all".  Don't bottle things up, talk to anyone who will listen and cry as often as you want to.  Just don't fool yourself into thinking that he will be back, I think he has proven that he won't.  The sooner you accept that, the quicker the healing process will begin.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and send you a big hug.

    Pat.xxxxx

    • sonia49458
      sonia49458 patricia44773

      Posted

      hi Patricia thankyou for your response i do cry and cry and cry everyday as he did lie to me by not telling me how he felt in the last 2 yrs he said its a midlife crisis and he thought it was a fase so in the end he decided to leave as he did not want to make me miserable. but i am going to take your advice and focus on me.see GP tuesday. x

       

  • ursulauc62
    ursulauc62 sonia49458

    Posted

    You've been with him a long time. Lots of marriages dont last as long. I met my husband when we were both 18, and 12 years later we were still together and had bought and sold 2 houses together, and bought our third. We were essentially a married couple, and did eventually tie the knot when we wanted kids.

    So of course its going to be terrible for you. Is there any reason you know why he left you. Did he explain why? Have you contacted him to ask him?  I do really understand that it must be awful for you. Maybe you should go to your'e GP to talk about it. Maybe you need some time of work to get over it.

    Sending Hugs....

    • sonia49458
      sonia49458 ursulauc62

      Posted

      hi and thankyou for your responce, yes the reason was he was depressed and fell out of love. but he phones me everyday and also he has been round a few times a wk as he wants me to support him as he says he is not happy one day and the next day he is on a high with the progress he has made.

      Since splitting up he has made a complete lifestyle change , Going from x-box more than 12 hrs a day to no x-box,  he has gave up smoking,goes jogging doing all the dateing game to hireing cars to take his lady friend he calls her on trips at wkends   all this info i have received is from him.

      Also his belongings are still here i have asked him to get it picked up but he keeps saying i will let you know when i am so so down.

    • hypercat
      hypercat sonia49458

      Posted

      Hi well of course you can't move on if you are still in daily contact with  him!   Can you just see him as a friend now?   If not you need to sever all contact with him so you too can move on with your own life and put this behind you. 

      Also why isn't his ladyfriend helping him with his problems?  He wants to have his cake and eat it and you are aiding and abetting him.   His gf has all the fun and you have all the aggro.   It's not fair on you is it?   x

  • joana22230
    joana22230 sonia49458

    Posted

    Hi sonia. Well i have had a boyfriend for 10 years. I totally understand you and know how you feel. I am really not good at giving pieces of advice because my current situation is even worse than yours. I can only say that he was just one thing in your life don't waste time and lose yourself. There are lots of other things that might be lost just because of not being conscious during this period. Try to surpass that and focus on yourself. Otherwise you ll end up like me. Alone, anxious- real disaster. \Really wish you all good
    • sonia49458
      sonia49458 joana22230

      Posted

      hi Joana thank you for your response  i already am alone and anxiouse i will and have made an appoint ment to see my GP on tuesday coming.

      i wish you good too x

  • gwen1953
    gwen1953 sonia49458

    Posted

    Hi Sonia, This is a difficult situation. He probably had this planned for sometime but didn't have the guts to tell you. I'm afraid he's a bit of a coward. Sadly you have to find the courage to move on too. I know it's hard but sadly you are going to have to find it in you to fight.  You must start going out with friends or meeting people on facebook. How old are you? Don't think that all is lost because it isn't. Mr. Right is out there somewhere. It will be difficult at first because your confidence has taken an almightly knock but you will get there eventually. Just take it one day at a time and tell yourself you are better off without him.
    • sonia49458
      sonia49458 gwen1953

      Posted

      Hi Gwen thankyou i am 47 so i should really know better than to be lovestruck by a man who has left me i need to grow up, the problem is im not good with going out as i dont have many friends i and him kept ourselves to ourselves if that makes sense. and yes my confidence is rock bottom right now i have a face book account but i feel that there is a lot of too much gossip on there so i just go on now and again.
  • Leah55
    Leah55 sonia49458

    Posted

    What helped me when I had a horrible breakup was learning not to get my identity from a man.  I'm sure you have talents and personality traits that a nice guy would like.  Just some advice:  Take a long walk every day.  Walk until you are so tired that you can't walk any more.  Start journaling about your life.  Write down goals and dreams that you have for your future.  I hope this helped a little.
Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.