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anyone had this type of obsession with ocd?

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allison1984
allison1984

Hi my names allison and im 32 ive been diagnosed with ocd and panic disorder at age 15 so been a long battle. My ocd thoughts are normally about germs and harm thoughts and health a few months ago I stated to suffer high anxiety about a ocd thought then this processed to having panic attacks that were so bad they lasted up to 4 hours they panic attacks were hell that I thought I would need to go to a psychiatric hospital my main fear. My problem now is ive been getting alot better but still suffer depersonalization and derealization when I get stressed but what the main issue is since im getting better i on occasion get intrusive memories of when I was really mentally unwell almost a flashback but its not because idont really think im reliving it but half of me gets a strong feeling of being back in that memory after the memory i become Anxious then my ocd comes in and I start to obsess about having the memory and I start to question weather i really believe im reliving it like do i really believe im back in the past cause if I believe iam in the past then this would mean ive lost touch with reality my main fear is becoming phycotic I dont really believe iam back in the past but I keep obsessing If I do.or not the typical ocd doubting has anyone else suffered from this type of ocd or something similar

0 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • jabberwocky
    jabberwocky allison1984

    Posted

    Hon this is highly irregular. It is not normal to think you are living in the past . Everyone thinks and reflects on the past, but they rarely question that they might be reliving it. I think maybe it isnt the past you are stressing on..but you are feeling the same symptoms you have had before and you are recognizing something is wrong like it was before and these strange feelings are familiar....like " it might be actually happening again" kind of thing. How would you describe what depersonalization feels like? How are your sleep patterns and do you dream? If so, do you wake up from your dream only to find yourself waking up from anither dream and being confused if you are really awake or still sleeping? I am very interested in what you have to say. It must be scary sometimes..I know some days are better than others and sanity can come and go in waves and it leaves you alone to ask " what is happening to me?"
    • allison1984
      allison1984 jabberwocky

      Posted

      Hi jabber thanks for your reply, ill clear up that I don't believe im living in the past what I mean is I'll get a flash of a past event that ive experienced usually a bad event and when I get the memory of that event i get anxiety then I start to ocd weather i think im actually living back in that past event i know iam not reliving it but question whether I think iam during these thoughts and feelings I feel werid maybe depersonalization its kinda hard to explain it sort of feels like deja vu but not quite I think my ocd continues the memory im.not sure
    • allison1984
      allison1984 jabberwocky

      Posted

      Hi again jabber sorry I never answered all your questions. My sleep is good its unbroken and I get around 7 to 9 hours sleep a night, I hardly dream maybe twice a year which is a bit strange, one occasion ive woken from a dream and feel that the dream was real but after a few minutes ive realised it wasn't real. When I get depersonalization I feel like im living in a dream and things seem unfamiliar, I feel unconnected to my thoughts and feelings, my vision goes hazy or foggy and I can feel like im floating also sometimes my hands feel like there not mine

      . Thanks for your reply jabber

  • mari34228
    mari34228 allison1984

    Posted

    Hi Allison, it almost sounds like PTSD in which people get upsetting flashbacks to something bad. I think it is all linked to your anxiety, and being mentally ill over such a long period takes it toll on the old brain!

    Are you on any medication? That can sometimes increase anxiety for a time. I know it has for me. And of course, anxiety feeds off of itself anyway. It does (and so does depression) do nasty things to your brain, and can make you feel like you are going clincally insane, even when you aren't!

    I think the flashbacks, although distressing for you, are nothing to particularly worry about in themselves. I would definately tell your doctor though (if you are seeing one) as you may be able to get extra help ,or at least have your mind put to rest that you are not becoming psychotic!

     

    • allison1984
      allison1984 mari34228

      Posted

      Hi mari thanks for your message im waiting to see a therapist i think it may be like ptsd what I went though from November to February was a nightmare I felt so mentally unwell I was nearly put into a mental hospital but somehow pulled myself together my greatest fear is going physcotic so since getting better i do feel very traumatised by what I experienced thanks for your message i feel less crazy
    • play2day
      play2day allison1984

      Posted

      Hi Allison,

      Sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm guessing that you're already on medication, since you talked about being 'diagnosed ' and labeled when you were 15.

      Research indicates that medication often causes the very thing that it was meant to treat. So unless you get to the root of the problem, this will probably be an ongoing problem.

      I know it's the cardinal sin of psychiatry to suggest that medication causes problems, but they do.

      There's really a lot you can do to help repair your mental function, but it takes discipline. You should eliminate all neurotoxins from your environment - caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, white sugar, white flour, gluten, nightshades (i.e. potatoes and tomatoes), drugs, perfumes, and dyes. Then make sure you get enough sleep, B complex vitamins, vitamin c, lots of omega 3 fatty acids, exercise, and sunlight.

      I hope that you are able to get to the problem and fix it. Life is too precious to waste it feeling bad. Good luck dear!

    • allison1984
      allison1984 play2day

      Posted

      Hi play 2day thank you for your detailed reply i will definitely look into what you suggested thanks again
    • mari34228
      mari34228 allison1984

      Posted

      Hi Allison, I definately do not think you are crazy! Anxiety is the worst sad More so than depression I think, and it's so hard to treat. I think CBT is probably better than drugs, but I've actually yet to prove that to myself! I'm waiting to see someone too...

      You are not alone in how you feel (or think!). Try to remember that when you feel like you are going crazy, cause I think that about myself much of the time too rolleyes

    • allison1984
      allison1984 mari34228

      Posted

      Hi mari ive never suffered from depression thank God ocd and anxiety is enough lol 😁 Im not taking any medication at the moment medication side effects is a ocd fear of mine so makes it harder but I think your right about therapy being better than medication. Its werid ive noticed when im under stress my ocd gets worse and I pick up some many new obsessions its like my mind is open to more fears I just wish my mind would be quite like we all do :-)
  • infestissumam
    infestissumam allison1984

    Posted

    Yes, I have the exact same thing happen. I also have OCD and depersonalization/derealization so I'm not sure which it is. It's not always like a PTSD flashback for me because sometimes it's just random memories, not just ones that are from traumatic things. Your reality testing is in check which means it's not psychosis. I also get super anxious when I don't know if something is a dream or not (like when I first wake up and am super sleepy, but don't know if I'm just dreaming about waking up). I had a 3 month long DPDR episode (yes, straight, no breaks) which was incredibly traumatic to me. I normally don't obsess about germs, I'm more worried about safety stuff (like whether something is unlocked, I left the stove on, my cat got out, etc.). I think it's normal for someone with an anxiety disorder to be super anxious about that type of thing. Are you on any medicines? I'm on Effexor. 
    • allison1984
      allison1984 infestissumam

      Posted

      Hi infestissumam yes I also wake up from dreams and question weather i think the dream was real. When I have a memory of a past event doesn't have to be traumatic ill question weather i really believe im reliving it and I sometimes cant really anwser cause my ocd is that bad. Also today ive developed a new ocd obsession about memory i keep asking myself weather i remember important people in my life and it kind of feels like i dont know them but I no i do to me im fearing that if I forgot some one i know it means im losing touch with reality and it confines that I do really believe im living in the past cause if I don't remember a person maybe I believe I haven't met them yet now how messed up is this lol. Im so so sorry you suffer this cruel ocd like me its actually torture, thanks for your reply
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