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So here's the deal

Posted , 12 users are following.

elizabeth53956
elizabeth53956

I'm mad at my doctor. REALLY mad. REALLY REALLY mad. Is that enogh REALLYS? She and I talked in her office for an hour or more. She was wonderful, let me vent. let me say it all. Gave me the secret code if I need to talk. But I'm still mad.  I'm a nice person, but I'm holding onto this anger. I realized yesterday that I'm actually counting up grievances against here. It's like the worst disagreement with your husband, and you have to look at him across the table over the corn flakes in the morning. So yesterday I started comparing this to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's paridigm in her book Death and Dying, and the stages. There is denial, depression, bargaining, anger, resolution and acceptance. I think with her, my doc,  I got stuck in the Anger stage. So I have to either give up my anger at her (but I want to hold onto it) LOL, and allow her to be my doctor as she was pre PMR or find another doctor. You gals who said I'm nice don't realize that I can also be controlling and stubborn. Someone said something yesterday on here that got me thinking about this. I have such an edge even if I have to call the office. This is not helping me at all. It was so helpful yesterday because it made me think about my attitude toward her.  My hubster and I talked about it today when we were in the car, and I was really acting like a spoiled brat about her. Time to grow up Elizabeth. But even being able to act it out with him made me realize that it's decision time. Grow up and move on, or change doctors. I think that I'll actually be a grown up, and get over it.  LOL.  I have a friend and when she's acting like a contrite child she'll call and say that she was actually a grown up today. And she'll tell me what she did. Then we laugh about it. So it's time for me to act like a grown up.  If I don't then I have to let her off of the hook, and find a doctor who can help me. I think not calling about the med decrease was part of my acting out. I don't know 'cause I'm just trying all of this out, but it seems like I do need to talk with her. So I called yesterday, and she won't be back until Monday.  Drat, and I go to 5 mg. tomorrow. Way too low.   So I have to call and talk to the covering physician, and I want her. I want my Mommy. Grow up Elizabeth, or reduce your pred and suffer.   Then I can blame her. LOL. Thanks for letting me vent.

0 likes, 35 replies

35 Replies

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  • faye______00403
    faye______00403 elizabeth53956

    Posted

    Sometimes just being able to blow off steam helps a lot.

    I love to vent when it has built up and either let it go or explode.

    Can't you just stay at current dose until your doc gets back on

    Monday? 

  • lodgerUK_NE
    lodgerUK_NE elizabeth53956

    Posted

    It is entirely your decision whether to suffer or not.   I know which I would choose.

     

  • sheila28713
    sheila28713 elizabeth53956

    Posted

    Hi Elizabeth,

    We've all been there at one time or another. When I have been holding onto anger toward someone, it has really helped me to remember this quote:

    'Hangng on to to anger and resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.'

    I really hope you take the advice from so many on this forum and do the 'dead slow nearly stop' prednisone reduction, now that you are at 10mg. It has been my experience that the doctors just don't know the importance of a very slow reduction with PMR. In fact, most know very little about PMR. I learned almost 3 years ago that I Needed to be my own advocate with my GP and Rheumy. Please listen to the wisdom of this group.

    Sheila

    • elizabeth53956
      elizabeth53956 sheila28713

      Posted

      I've always loved that expression. Naturally I'm half poking fun at myself, with a lot of truth mixed in. I did call my doc's office, and waiting for a call back.  the mornings are just hard, and to reduce right now makes no sense at all. Being a newbie and noy really fully understanding the meds, and how they work doesn't help. it can just be tough at times.  But being angry doesn't help me at all. 
  • julian.
    julian. elizabeth53956

    Posted

    I suspect that any doctor willing to spend an hour with you is worth their weight in gold. I sometimes feel we expect too much of them when they are really human, just like us. And just as fallible. Health is fairly complicated and helping someone through chronic conditions is never black and white.

    We tend to write blandly that the cause of pmr is unknown and there's no cure, just treatment for symptoms. But its fairly significant as we try to muddle our way around it as best we can. No amount of getting angry at the doctor, ourselves, or anyone else, is going to change it. It simply has to run its course. Though it is nice to get angry (sometimes).

    The treatment is a balancing act between the evils of pred side effects and the horror of screaming pain. The doctor will tend towards reducing the pred. The patient may tend towards relief of symptoms.

    I find it quite hard to reduce. I know I should, I think I can, but is that another twinge I feel and what happens if it all flares up again. I'm at 3mg/day. Its taken many months. I've gone for weeks saying "tomorrow" but it never comes. That step to 2.5mg seems awful big. Two days of 2.5 this week. Slowly slowly catchee monkee.

    My doc is very good. She treads that fine line between encouraging me to reduce while accepting that its both difficult and may be too early. Always advice and encouragement, never an instruction or a demand.

    I guess the bottom line is that its not in your doctor's interest to see you suffer. She's doing her best. At the end of the day a reasonable doctor will accept that the step to 5mg now is too fast for you.

    • elizabeth53956
      elizabeth53956 julian.

      Posted

      Hi Julian.  I laughed out loud at your first line. A little levity is always good. I just heard back from them, and the doc will call me this evening before he leaves for the day. They put me back to 15 mg and I hope to feel bettter quickly.  

      I hope that aside from being frustrated, and angry (at the whole thing, so take it out on the doc) that you could see that it was all processing. That's what is nice about a site like this. I can write it while I process it, and no one, especially the doc who really is working on my side, needs to feel my wrath. It's not at her, but it's situational. Shoot the messenger. With a site like this I was able to work it through, and no one was guilty.

      Thanks for the safe and sane words. I didn't realize that the dosage actually gets down to 3 mg. or 2 1/2.  Hopefully I'll get there some day.

      Yeah I really do think that she is a fine physician, and I like all of the physicians in the practice.  They are very cool and relaxed and are on a first name basis with their patients. I've been with the practice for a while, and really like how they practice. And then this happened.  Now I can go back to being okay with her, and I am glad that I called the office, and had the dosage increased back to 15 mg. Thanks for your response.

      Elizabeth

    • julian.
      julian. elizabeth53956

      Posted

      good to hear. Humour is good.

      In a bizarre sort of way I enjoyed part of pred at 15mg. Not the brain fog, or the mood swings. The pred high. I felt I had to warn people I was in "silly mode".

    • linda17563
      linda17563 elizabeth53956

      Posted

      I do think Pred makes us short tempered/edgy/   my family says I`m more direct with people (I love it!)....so go for what you think is right....

      I`m waiting to see my Rhemy....I call her the smiling assassin!....all sweet, till I`m in her room, then it`s don`t speak, listen to me....not any more....not standing for it....after this appointment, will be changing to someone else.....onwards and upwards, but directly!

    • lodgerUK_NE
      lodgerUK_NE linda17563

      Posted

      Linda, the trick to make them listen is take someone with you - prefably a man.   Also prepare a list of questions etc (two copies) one for  you and one for her  - get the person who goes with you to note down answers.

      Then watch the change in attitude.

    • faye______00403
      faye______00403 julian.

      Posted

      I don't think I ever felt a "high"  I did have a friend tell me at

      the beginning of my trip on pred that I would get "roid rage"

      I laughed at her.  I think that happened on the anabolic

      steroids the body builder used but wouldn't happen on the

      cortcosteroids that we get with pred.  I may be a little more

      testy but put that down to age. 

    • EileenH
      EileenH faye______00403

      Posted

      Corticosteroids can cause "roid rage" in some people - but I found PMR on its own managed to create an exceedingly, um, DIRECT Eileen! Never did suffer fools gladly - but PMR really honed my skills...

      Lodger's suggestion of taking a friend really does work - unless they are like my husband...

    • faye______00403
      faye______00403 EileenH

      Posted

      You mean I can be a total jerk and have a good excuse?

      I too, have gotten more "direct" but put that down to becoming

      grumpy old lady......

    • sheila28713
      sheila28713 faye______00403

      Posted

      The only day I felt a 'high' was the first day I took Prednisone, immediately after getting bloodwork done for ESR and CRP (I talked my GP into prescribing Pred after handing her an article on PMR). I filled the prescription IMMEDIATELY and headed to the lab - when they called my name I swallowed 20 mg of Pred. That's how much pain I was in after a month of wondering what the heck hit me so suddenly and so bilaterally. Anyway the high came when hours later, I was dancing in front of my husband - no pain at all.  He could hardly believe it. 

      I went down to 15 within a couple days and was fine on that.

      But oh boy, did I ever have to (try to) refrain from saying exactly what I thought. Truthfully, I never did have much of a filter, but it got seriously worse on Pred. Looking back, I was very unreasonable and intolerant. It was great to be able to blame it on Prednisone.  My family treaded carefully - haha.

      I love the term "roid rage'!  IT is so true.

      Sheila

    • sheila28713
      sheila28713 linda17563

      Posted

      My visits with my rheumatologist are a complete waste of time. She asks what dose of PRed I'm on now, doesn't even check my BP.  writes a prescription for Pred which my family doc can write.  Rheumy ordered CRP and ESR every three months for the past 2 1/2 years and other than the initial test which was elevated, these inflammatory markers have been within normal range. So what's the point?  I am at 3 mg now and there is absolutely no need to see the rheumy. I can manage the DSNS myself.  She probably doesn't even know what it is.  One day I will bring in some info for her about PMR that I have learned from this forum, and from the Bristol paper etc. She needs to learn more about PMR.  
    • faye______00403
      faye______00403 sheila28713

      Posted

      I took a copy of the Bristol papers to my GP and he was

      receptive to reading it.....I'll be interested my next appt to

      see what his thoughts are on the info.

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