I can't break this depression

I have treatment resitant severe depression/anxiety, ptsd and insomnia/night terrors.  I am have a laundry list of physical ailments and my med. case looks like a pharmacy.  I am soooo depressed and hopeless..it seems like every other week it's another illness/med to add...I am a prisoner in my own home most of the time, because of all the above things.  The thing that made me reach out is I am raising three grandchildren with my husband (who truly does not understand the mental side of it, but tries to).  They are five, seven and eleven...I can barely get out of bed, I do manage to give them all the care they need physically but don't feel I match up mentally, though we are all in family cousneling, the counselor does not know the severity of my problems.  Just like today..there is so many things I need to be doing, but all I want to do is stare at the wall, I can't stand it anymore, I really can't....the only reason I haven't killed myself is my second husband committed suicide and I know the fallout of that on the spouse and the children, and also there is nobody including my husband and he will admit it to you, to raise and nurture these three children, and they didn't get a choice of parent, and now they got me, I've raised the eleven yr old for nine years and her brother and sister their whole lives.  I feel like a burden and liability on the family between my numerous dr appts and almost five hundred dollars in copay on meds each month.  I have been fighting my disability for almost five years although every one of my psych. and med drs say I can't work, so we are five living on one income.  We can't even get food stamps to help because they only count medication cost per month if you are on disability...what??.  My ailments are none that I could have prevented or contributed to....so I'm like what ???  I am truly lost.

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