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How many pills can hurt you but not enough for you to die?

Posted , 7 users are following.

lylacskies
lylacskies

A few years ago I developed an eating disorder. I didn't realize it until now, but I obsessed about my weight to the point I barely ate so I didn't even have the energy to exercise. I used laxatives to try to lose weight but only had sleepless but pinaful nights with cramps and bad trips to the bathroom. 

Soon i started self harm, then had a big move, and i guess i 'm just so tired. i just want an excuse to sleep and just avoid having to work to the future that everyone pressures me about. but i love my parents and they love me and i don't want to die, but i just really want a break. please understand this and don't give me crap about things will get better and i've said it too much to my friend who wants to die.

4 likes, 21 replies

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  • pistal666
    pistal666 lylacskies

    Posted

    Hello Lylacskies, I'm going to try and not give you any crap, just wanted to ask what pills? Any amount can harm your body, but it's not like it is in the Movies. Depending on what they are, instead of some one finding you and you waking up in Hospital, your more likely to vomit, get Liver and Kidney damage that is very painful, and a really slow way to die. Are you over weight? As you don't eat and are using Laxatives, your body will start to break down the protien in your muscles, essentially you will be digesting your own Body. Your cramps will become more severe and painful. Self harm may feel good as is releases endorphines that relax you, if cutting think how those scars will look in the future, will you feel comfortable with everyone who sees them judging you (and they will)? Try keeping a strong elastic band on your wrist and pinging it against yourself as hard as you can when you feel stressed, leaves less of a mark. You are going round and round in a circle of self destruction, so "No", things will not get better. But you have to think, Is this what you really want? It's only you that can answer that, and get off this ride, try another one. I hope you find what you want. 
    • lylacskies
      lylacskies pistal666

      Posted

      There was one time I had 5 pills at once. i took 2 advils, 2 laxatives, and 2 excedrine. i was in extremem stomach pain and i wasn't sure why i even took them. I wasn't sick. i'm not overweight, i think, but my weight yo-yo's easily. i was 115lb at once and my highest was 131. i'm a little shorter than 5'4. i took only 20 a month until i ran out. I'm a minor so I couldn't just go to a cvs and get more. Using the elastic band was what got me into self harm. Long after scratching, I switched to the band, then to a blade.
  • DavidR71
    DavidR71 lylacskies

    Posted

    Hey lylackskies, 

    My name is David and I'm currently in a hospital for people with mental illnesses. I'm sorry for what's happening in your life right now. It's tough. I won't judge. If your over 18 years of age, my suggestion would be take yourself to you nearest A&E and tell them your concerns. You need to have a mental health team assess you and go from there. I won't go into detail here, but if your at danger of causing harm to yourself via pills they have a care of duty to listen. Don't let word MENTAL freak you out. You can be admitted informally as a patient. Informally means you are welcome to leave at any time (discharge yourself) But if you have a short stay (normally around 3 weeks) they can help you physically and mentally. You'll get that "Time Out" you need to recouperate and get your life back on track. If you can't face A and E just ring 999 and tell them your considering an overdose. They'll come to you that way. Good luck. Please don't hesitate to ask anything. Either on here or privately via message 🙏🏼

    • lylacskies
      lylacskies DavidR71

      Posted

      I'm a minor so I can't get help confidentially. The only help I've gotten is just from some friends I trusted but whom I don't even speak with anymore. Since I just moved I don't have anyone I can trust 
  • tersia03817
    tersia03817 lylacskies

    Posted

    Hi lylacskies,

    I totally relate to what you are saying. You could be descrining me, almost. Right through my teens I took as much over the counter drugs as I could to numb my emotions, especially slimming pills, cogh mixture and pain killers. They did my body a lot of damage. I starved myself both because I thought I was fat, and also because I wanted to punish myself. I cut my wrists deeply often and burned my wrists with cigarettes. I also stuck pins in my gums and poured boiling wax into the insides of my elbows, on the tender bit.

    PLEASE DON'T DO IT!

    I have horrible scars I wish I didn't have. I look 20 years older than my age. The anorexia (7 years of it)  meant no oils or fats or protiens in my system to feed my skin.

    These days, decades later, I'm on proper meds, and I so with I had been on meds decades ago. I'm so grateful for my GP and my psychiatrist. They keep me mentally stable and happy.

    • lylacskies
      lylacskies tersia03817

      Posted

      I'm so glad to hear about your recovery. But I'm not in the situation to have to get professional help at a hospital.
    • tersia03817
      tersia03817 lylacskies

      Posted

      I'm so sad to hear what you're going through sweetheart. I remember my nightmare years only too well.

      I suggest you try to love yourself. See yourself as someone else, like your mind is incharge of the 'person' your body. This someone (your body) is dependent on you, and needs your love and approval, needs your help and support.

      This kind of therapy really helped me. I saw that she (me) needs me to take really good good of her and look after her and be there for her.

    • lylacskies
      lylacskies tersia03817

      Posted

      I've tried, for almost 4 years now. People judge by what they see and every time I'm in public I suddenly feel insecure since there are so many others that are much thinner
    • tersia03817
      tersia03817 lylacskies

      Posted

      Sounds like Anorexia to me. I know how hard it is with anorexia to accept our bodies. I've restricted my food intake all my life, even now, seeing food as the enemy, and avoiding people who are 'feeders'. 'Feeders' are those people who keep offering you food. I saw them as the enemy, LOL. One very loving good family I visited a few times always had a couple of bowls around on tables filled with chocolates! They kept saying, "Have one, please, feel free, that's what the chocolates are there for. Aren't you going to have one?" Aaaaarrgh! OMG, I stopped going there because it was torture. I felt like they were bullying me, trying to force me to eat chocolates. LOL. I wore loose flowing clothes to hid my body, and even though i lived in a hot climate, I would NEVER put on a swimming costume, so I just sweated while everyone else swam.

      I wish I could go back and reassure that younger me, or force her to get over it or something, LOL. My heart really goes out to you sweetie. I so ssooooo know what you are saying re desperate to get thinner. Even when I weighed only 48kg I STILL thought I was fat and most others were thinner than me. The mind can be our enemy sometimes! How does one convince a silly mind that is totally stuck on some unhelpful and unhealthy idea, that it is not the truth????

      Could you find yourself a fat friend that doesn't care how fat they are and loves themselves regardless? Then, walking around with a friend like that, you could share the confidence and feel skinny next to that person, by comparison? It might help. I'm guessing because that might have helped me back then, I think.

    • lylacskies
      lylacskies tersia03817

      Posted

      Today my parents were upset since I gained so much weight. It's definitely not anorexia. I'm close to overweight, they said I'm fat now, and I need to diet. I've been getting health problems. Today was a horrible day and had some serious suicidal thoughts. I barely ate throughout the day and when I was getting blood drawn the nurse told me I had to eat since it was hard to find a vein. But I hated to have to eat. I couldn't stop thinking about the laxatives I stole from my parents that's in my drawer. I wanted to cut myself so bad but I didn't somehow and just ended up crying nonstop. Instead I had suicidal thoughts, researched everything about it, even wrote a suicide note.

      I just want a break but if I get help or ask for help I do not think my parents will let me take a break since I'll be falling behind in school and I haven't been doing that well already and they'll just say they've been through it too and medications and treatment will make me worse due to side effects.

  • pistal666
    pistal666 lylacskies

    Posted

    Hi Lylacskies, are you in the UK? or do you have to pay for your health care?
    • lylacskies
      lylacskies pistal666

      Posted

      I'm in the US. And I'm a minor so I don't know much but I'm guessing no
    • pistal666
      pistal666 lylacskies

      Posted

      Thats a shame, I'm not to sure what your health care situation is like over there. Your going to find this hard to get through on your own, so I impore you to speak to a Parent or maybe your schools Nurse if that's possible? If you find it hard to speak, then maybe print out what you have written on here and show them. I really hope you can find someone to point you In the right direction.

       

    • lylacskies
      lylacskies pistal666

      Posted

      My school staff is horrible and doesn't care about their students at all. the nurse doesn't even come to school most of the time. My parents are definitely not someone I'd talk to this about. Same with my brother, I can't make anything awkward with him. I've tried to tell him some things but it was really awkward and it felt uncomfortable in a way that made me feel worse. My friends are drifting away since I just moved and my new friends aren't the kind to be supportive.
  • pistal666
    pistal666 lylacskies

    Posted

    Do you not have a Local Mental Health Team that you can get hold of? I wish I knew more about your Health Care System. I'm sorry that I'm not more help. You just need to remember that there is a way of getting better, and we will find it.

     

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