Feeling suicidal over head injury, and drug induced movement disorder
Posted , 4 users are following.
I had severe anxiety and insomnia last year after a mild traumatic brain injury and I was so sleep deprived for about a month and a half that the GP considered calling the crisis team... After trying a lot of different psychotropic meds to combat cognitive issues, dizziness and severe anxiety/ insomnia, out of desperation my GP put me on first generation anti psychotic meds and said 'Don't look up the side effects' and there was no patient info leaflet in the box either..
Bloody insomnia, post concussion syndrome and terrible powerful anti psychotics have left me a mess, and after getting an official movement disorder diagnosis of Tardive Dyskinesia this month, I am so glad someone has finally taken me seriously and diagnosed what I believed I had for months. It's such a relief but I hate the fact that GPs can prescribe such strong meds, which I believe only a psychiatrist should be licensed to do, and only for the most serious of cases.
I have oralbuccal involuntary movements, including lip smacking, tongue protrusion and moverments, along with cervical dystonia and other random limb movements from time to time too. To say that I feel depressed, self conscious, embarrassed and almost bordering on agoraphobic is an understatement - but I have a wonderful family and daughter who keep me going. At times, if it wasn't for them I would genuinely be thinking of not being here.
It would be great to be free of this horrible condition... But in an imperfect world, this won't ever happen. I hate psychiatry with a passion.
My head injury also left me with lots of cognitive problems, including being slightly dyslexic and as a copywriter, this just compounds my depression.
I know I have to go on and be strong, but every day fighting my stupid brain and body is so tiring and annoying. I feel sad this is my life now, and look back at how I was a year ago, happy healthy and enjoying life. Now all I think of is my limitations and my struggles with my broken mind and brain.
Please don't say 'It will get bettet' because brain injury generally does but there is no cure for TD, it's horrid. I feel such a freak sometimes. 😩😥😞
0 likes, 10 replies
rachna36991 NooNooHead1981
Posted
Down let yourself down, keep strong
NooNooHead1981 rachna36991
Posted
I have days when I feel ok but mostly getting on with life is what keeps me busy and sane... Although the tongue protrusion and lip smacking are bloody irritating, and in an almost Tourette's-type way, I can't fight the urge to do the involuntary movements. Try going outside and in public and having to pretend to cough a lot or cover your mouth so no one sees / hears how weird your mouth looks and sounds... 😞🙄😖
I would literally give anything to be 'normal' again but taking every day as it comes is my only solace at the moment.
It's very lonely having such an odd movement disorder that only mental health professionals and doctors have heard of... Maybe that makes me special 😉😜😝😂
rachna36991 NooNooHead1981
Posted
And do not worry am sure you gona be ok with time. Have faith, will power can change lots of thing my dear
JackDM NooNooHead1981
Posted
This is something your GP really should have been aware of. I can't believe that he wasn't aware of these issues.
I know that suggesting you sue your doctor isn't going to help you. But it is something to consider.
There must be support groups for people with TD, perhaps you may find some help in such a group. Recovering from a head injury is challenging enough without having to deal with this horrible disorder too. You can't do anything now about either of these outcomes. But you can do something about how you react to them. I can imagine that you are anxious and depressed. Perhaps you should see a doctor (not the one who made you ill), who can refer you for therapy that might help with the anxiety.
I hope you are able to find a good doctor that you can build up some trust with.
At least you haven't lost your intellectual capacity or your ability to look after yourself and your child. You have a loving supportive family.
The human spirit can be amazingly resilient, it may take you some time and it may be very difficult but I'm sure in time you will adjust to your new circumstances.
I know that encouraging or kind words can't assuage the anxiety and sadness you must feel, or quell the anger it would be perfectly reasonable for you to feel towards the doctor who has injured you.
That power of love you feel for your daughter is a strength you can bring to bear on any problem you feel. So you must know you are an immensely powerful woman. You can overcome your fear and anxiety, you can succeed for yourself and your daughter.
I wish you all the luck and love in the world, but more than that I wish you the power of your own conviction.
All the very best.
NooNooHead1981 JackDM
Posted
I am more angry than anyone will ever know but life goes on😩
xx
KMRC NooNooHead1981
Posted
NooNooHead1981 KMRC
Posted
I was suffering immensely with the after effects of a head injury and post concussion syndrome too, all exacerbating any anxiety and insomnia I had already. I truly wished I'd been as vigilant with the anti psychotic as I was with the research into the other drugs, but you can't change the past.
My GP was only doing what was in my best interest at the time but it is a little unfair to put the blame on me too. She probably had no idea I would be in such a small minority that would react so adversely to dopamine blocking drugs after such a low dose. 😥😞
KMRC NooNooHead1981
Posted
NooNooHead1981 KMRC
Posted
I am kicking myself for not being so proactive at the time but my mental health was so bad that the GP was going to call the community crisis team to help as I was in no fit state to do anything.
My life had been great before the head injury and all the after effects, but having endured cognitive and memory problems, difficulties reading and processing info, severe insomnia and anxiety and then TD, I often feel like my life has reached pretty much rock bottom. My poor family have endured a lot of the fall out and looked after me as best they can, but they're dealing with more serious health issues of another family member so my 'problems' seem trivial in comparison.
I look for the silver lining but am mostly a glass half empty person a lot of the time so really have to try hard to get through each day. My mind is a million times better than 6 months ago, but the movement disorder is the truly crappy thing I've been left with, not the post concussion symptoms. I often remember my health as it was a year ago and get very down but there's no point in dwelling on things I can't change.
Life goes on... 😞😥
KMRC NooNooHead1981
Posted