advice please if you can

Hey Sam, I can't advise about the counselling, but I can totally understand the IVF part. You see I had a psychiatrist when I was in my very early twenties, who told me I was pathetic and I should  go away and not bother going back until I was prepared to admit to being anorexic, a diagnosis no matter how hard I tried I couldn't relate to. He then wrote to my gnaecologist and got my treatment stopped. I agreed to a complete hysterectomy at 27, convinced I would be a useless mother. 3 months back, a new psychiatrist agreed with me, I didn't have anorexia, I'd actually had PTSD from when I was 5 years old.I'm now 51. If I had my time again, I would fight for my right to be a mum, a grandmother. I still have that aching gap that you can't seem to satisfy. They have no rights to judge our potential mothering skills. The yearning to be a mum never goes, it gets easier in time, as you block it like every thing else that hurts you. The pain kicked in hard for me again, when I saw friends becoming grannies, but then gets easier again. If you want to be a mum, fight for it. its not their place to say what sort of mum you would be, it is your right and don't let them tell you otherwise, as theres no going back once you hit a certain age or let them bully you into a hysterectomy.People don't realise what a tough fight infertility is, the yearning for a baby is from the heart, its also nature and then we look around and feel bad for not making husbands a dad, parents a grandparent etc etc, The pain is multiple. So you fight for your rights as a woman, to become a mum if thats what you want.... its your body, your choice. A female therapist i saw once told me when I said I would've been a bad mum, that that wasnt the case, very often people who have a story to tell and have been through it make better parents.good luck hunny.xx 

None of us asked to be raped Sam. The system stinks. Attitudes need to change and I don't just mean the general public, doctors the police, none of them have done me any favours really, but the one thing I do know, is,  We are strong Sam, we have a diferent inner strength to other people, I've been fighting alone since I was 5 years old, and its gets tiring. I've had a night of no sleep, I'm tired but I still have get moving and do stuff as there isn't anyone else and the system doesn't give a stuff, but I will manage. So will you. if they threaten to stop your treatment, tell them you will sue them, being a mother is a human right and that right is NOT theres to take. Your ivf doctor is an ivf doctor, he is NOT there to judge your capabilities, nor is he qualified to do so. We are judged, on a daily basis. If some thing happens, they quick to use our mental health to send us packing  Don't ever give up on your dreams or one day you will see that you are my age, totally alone and too tired to fight anymore. Be brave, take one step at a time and don't be afraid to step back from the infertility treatment for a while in order to gain strength and give yourself much needed time to re-charge. Be kind to yourself along the way too.  You desrve this.xx