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Do I have gender dysphoria? How can I help myself

Posted , 3 users are following.

kealthas
kealthas

Hi. I always kinda knew i wanted to be a girl. But I hide that. Until i learned that there's such a thing as transgenders. I got happy. I made the worst mistake of my life to let myself think about it. But as I found out. I'm never gonna be a real women. I'm also a big boned 6 foot male! It wasn't what I thought

And the thing is. Before knowing about hrt. All I ever did was to get mad about being a man for a day each month. Then let myself live. I didn't care about my look or gender at all. After hearing about hrt. Everyday I'm about to scream when I look in the mirror. The problem is I'm not in love with make-up. Dressing, pink, all the girly stuff.(I might end up liking them like most stuff i do after i try thrm however) I do behave kind of girly(without trying to. I try really hard to not sound girly). But I don't necessarily like everything. And no I'm not even slightly gender fluid. I feel like a child who wants a toy. I have no logical reason to be a women. It's even harder to live as one.. But for me I don't care all I want is to be a woman. I have no hrt option. What can I do? Life is unbearable like this. And no therapy options. I'm likr an unreasonable child. I tell myself that i have a good looking man's body. But my brain won't listen

1 like, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • BJ64
    BJ64 kealthas

    Posted

    Hi kealthas,

    I do not like pink or mackup or dress's and I am a woman. It is not about all the outward stuff it is what you fill inside that makes you who you are. Why are there no therapy options for you?

    • kealthas
      kealthas BJ64

      Posted

      Wellm the only excuse I have is embarrassment. I live in middle East. They're not nice about these things.

      I thought if I ever succeed my finals (Not likely. I'm doing bad specially with depression) i can get enough GPA to grt out of here and study else where and maybe then go to a therapy. If I don't however. I'm currently planning to kill myslrfm. Bur I hope it won't reach there

    • BJ64
      BJ64 kealthas

      Posted

      Look I know being one thing and filling like something else is hard and I do not know what it is like over there but I do know you can not be open about the way you are.

      I know it is so much easyer here in London to be open but not always to get help unless you have money which most of us don't.

      You are young and can get out so keep trying.

  • pistal666
    pistal666 kealthas

    Posted

    Hi Kealthas, Not being perverse, but is it a sensual want to be female? In which I mean the softer more delecate way of life, With things being more sexual in general? Or is it you hate being in a mans body in general? I can't count the times I've heard from other guys "What do you reckon sex would be like as a woman?" and at least a couple have said they imagine they are the female when they watch porn. It's usual for boys to wantto be girls at some point of their life, I think its usually around 7-8 and likewise for girls to be boys (think its a little younger). And it is true that alot of guys have trouble showing this softer side but would love to. Thats why you have quite a few companies that cater for blokes to get made over in a professional manner, and they can do this without the fear of labeling themselves one way or another. Not trying to psyco-analyse you from your paragraph, but you say you are to stocky to be a female, which leads me to believe that if you where a girl, you picture (ultimatly want to be) what you would decide to be "attractive", with a nice curvy body and clear skin etc, something you deem yourself not to be, or could achieve to be. Perhaps you have had to make a few tough descissions in your life, again I'm not sure, but this could lead to feeling like this. You don't mention anything about any homosexual feelings, which again points to you not ever finding the gay thing as part of this, infact I should imagine that a m2m thing has never troubled your mind for long at all. You obviously find this plays on your mind alot as you don't see it as something that could ever be possible. An easier question could be, if you were to wake up tomorrow, 70years old, and you could choose, what sex would you be? Maybe they issue is not as deep as you think.  

    • kealthas
      kealthas pistal666

      Posted

      Thank for your answer. And thanks for not just saying (you are for sure out of nowhere). To be honest. I'm not that interested in sex! I know. I am a teenager(17) I'm supposed to think a lot. But I really don't. Not that I won't enjoy it. But i would do it only with if I truly Love someone! It'd more mental for me then physical!

      I might change my mind later however

      And I actually would love to look attractive. But the makeup itself? No!

      My favorite color is also purple( I never if understood it's boyish or girly)

      To be honest my whole life I've been made fun of as a kid for being girly. So now for me many things are "Am I supposed to like it?" Then really liking. Specially with my.depression

      I would still choose a women! A sweet old grandma smile but the problem is. Things are not easier. I would never find a women to marry and spend thr rest of my life with. And many other problems. So I rather accept the truth or just be a man instead of anything else! But I can't! i don't know why

    • kealthas
      kealthas

      Posted

      I'm sorry for the typos!!!

      I actually also found some dresses cute. But as I said, some! I've been feeling this way for so long that even just thinking about it drives me insane. That's why I came here

      And I would love a beatiful skin and body! Althought that's not being a women is about. But I'm pretty sure even men would love a beatiful hair and skin. I think I should just talk to a normal theraphist first (as I'm afraid a gender theraphist would rush me into transition or thinking I'm really a women)

      But overall, the only way I can explain what I mean is to day that i want to be part of the women's culture! I know it's weird. I'm even ashamed of typing. Because on the real world I am a tough 6 foot man. I'm afraid I've just made a fool of myself by thinking I'm trans when I'm not. Or been kind of made to think I am one by the many stuff I see daily

    • pistal666
      pistal666 kealthas

      Posted

      You have plenty of time to descover what you want, don't let others push you down into being someone you don't want to be. I can only imagine how hard this is on you with the added problem of the cutrure you are in at the moment. Take time to talk to people and listen to yourself. It's early days. Most of all, have fun in finding yourself, it dosen't always have to be a tricky road. Best of luck.

    • kealthas
      kealthas pistal666

      Posted

      Thanks smile and sorry for asking this but i realized unless I talk to someone in person it won't help.

    • BJ64
      BJ64 kealthas

      Posted

      There are therapist that you can talk to on the internet you can do conference calls face to face I know it not ideal but if you do not fill happy to see one over there it may be helpful.
    • kealthas
      kealthas BJ64

      Posted

      I think I'm supposed to pay or something. I don't have any methods available in my country try. And plus... It feels kind of strange too rolleyes

    • BJ64
      BJ64 kealthas

      Posted

      I know what you mean but it is strange when you are sitting in the same room as them, until you get to know them.

      Paying is hard I can only aford it at times, I do ten week blocks then save up for the next lot.

      The other thing is you can see meany therapist until you find one you can fill safe and happy with, I was lucky a friend who is a counseler recommend her mentor and we get along great.

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