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depression and alcoholism

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jojo85
jojo85

This is very hard for me to do and admit so please do not judge. For the past few years ive suffered badly with depression and i started drinking to mask how i was truely feeling. Over the past few months my drinking has spiraled out of control and yesterday i was arrested for being drunk while incharge on my child. my boys have gne to live with there dad so i can get the help that i need. Im clinically depressed and suffering badly with the alcohol. Im drinking straight brandy 1st thing in the morning. I would never put my children in any harm. i drink to forget the bad thinigs that have happened in  my life. im so lost right now with out my children and all i can think about is alcohol, but i have to stay dry to get my boys back home. i have no family around me to support me through this and im struggling already, i can barely hold a cup with out spilling it as my shakes are really bad. As its bank hols i cant get to my doctors till tuesday for help and im so worried il drink before i can recieve any meds. im asking for peoples help to make me strong enough to get through this as im so alone and scared. losing my kids has been one of the hardest things to go through and its all down to this terrible disease. any advice would be appreciated.

0 likes, 38 replies

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  • h1954
    h1954 jojo85

    Posted

    Hi jojo.

    I'm so pleased you have posted on this site, it's good to meet you. No one here will judge you - we've all been there, done that, bought the t shirt as they say.

    I am so sorry for you that things got to the point that your children have been taken away, but also pleased that this has made you want to kick the booze into touch.

    First and very important thing. If you have been drinking very heavily and then suddenly stop it can be very very dangerous. If the shakes or sweats or any other withdrawal symptoms get bad you must have a drink - your body needs it and without it will shut down.

    Then get to your doctor on Tuesday and ask for help.

    Meanwhile there is lots of really good info on this site about detox and medical help. Have a good look at it before you go to your doctor.

    I wish you well

  • lorilin16
    lorilin16 jojo85

    Posted

    Your not alone, that's first off. We are here for you and with you. I myself am on day 9 today and couldn't be more.grateful if I tried. The truth is you (and myself) we're putting our children in harm's way while drinking regardless of our intentions. That's a fact that the sober mind must admit to and it isn't easy. You have a major reason to push thru to sobriety .... to get your kids back and you can do it. I'd your shaking that bad maybe you need medical care or at least just be checked out by a doctor. This disease sucks, it takes everything from you until you have nothing left but quilt and misery. The good thing though is once you make it on this website or others you have come to terms with the fact that you do have a problem. I truly believe that's the only way we can change, we have to want it. I, myself tried all summer, seriously ALL summer to quit only to make it a day or two or occasionally three and be back at it worse then before with the binges lasting longer and longer. I took my last drink on August 19th. First two days were easy, day three wasn't so bad day 4-6 complete hell for me. I was nauseated my stomach hurt I was dizzy and disoriented, weak, couldn't sleep bad thoughts, depressed all that but day 7 was a whole new me and now I.know I can make it and I never want to go thru that withdrawal again.

    Use this site as your outlet because it does help. There are so many of us here who know how you feel and are here to help you and want to help you get thru this.

    You are worth it

    Lori

    • jojo85
      jojo85 lorilin16

      Posted

      thanks you both for taking the time to reply to me. I know i have taken the 1st step by finally admitting to myself and the people around me. I have always been a drinker since from a very young age, But i always had full control  over it, but as the years have gone on, its completly taken control of me. I can drink non stop for days on end, Some days i can drink a litre of spirits through the day. I started hiding bottles around the house and going to a few different shops in a day to buy more. i have wanted to get dry for a while and i would be fine for the first few days but as soon as thursday would come i would be drinking till i slept on the sun. i know my children have been put in jepody by my addiction. i black out have no recolation of what i have said or done. i oushed my partner away because of it so he moved out as he couldnt deal with how i can become. the doc wanted to give me diazapam for the shaking but because i was violently sick they didnt. Ive been online looking for help and advice, which is when i came across this forum which is brilliant. A problem shared is a problem halfed. Im so ashamed of the person ive become due to the alcohol so its very refreshing to be able to speak with people who are in the same boat as me. I want to get dry for mysef so my boys can have their mum back. ive been advised by people not to stop completly to start with and try and reduce the amount and prof of what im drinking, but im so scared that even 1 drink to help with the shakes etc will send me into a major binge, and because i dont have my boys here, i have no reason to not drink..thanks again for listerning and i hope you all the best with your recovery. you sound very strong and should be proud of how far you have already come.. smile

    • lorilin16
      lorilin16 jojo85

      Posted

      The important thing now is your health. I just lost a close friend to this ugly disease . She had no alcohol and no one to get her any and had a seizure and died alone, my goodness I'm not trying to scare you but if it is that bad you just can't quit cold turkey, please do us a favor and keep posting here so we know your whereabouts and your condition. You do NOT have to go thru this alone

  • ADEfree
    ADEfree jojo85

    Posted

    Yes, don't feel bad about putting this off till you can see a doc as withdrawal can be very dangerous, even fatal. Maybe look up tapering off alcohol rather than attempting cold turkey right now. 

    • jojo85
      jojo85 ADEfree

      Posted

      i know how dangerous it is but im so scared of drinking as i know i wont stop..im having quite bad withdrawals at the moment..all the shakes and sweats. i will probably go to a walk in docs apointment tomorrow just for checks and hopefully some meds. i will check out  about tapering off it. thanks
    • RHGB
      RHGB jojo85

      Posted

      Go to the doctors/walk in and if they will give you diazepam, take it, it will help so much. You only need it for a few days. Your spellling and terminology leads me to believe that you are in the UK.

      Try and ask them nicely and then forcefully to give you diazepam, you won't believe how much better it makes you feel and you won't need to have a drink.

      There are other long term medications that will help you stop thinking about a drink all the time. But right now, see if you can get the diazepam, to help you, because your driving force is getting your kids back.

  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 jojo85

    Posted

    Yikes...you are in a BAD way.  

    There is nothing you can do about what has happened.

    There is only going forward.  So, if you can't see the Dr. till Tuesday?  

    I don't know how much you have been drinking (years, months, weeks, days)?

    If you have been drinking for over 2 weeks and heavily...I don't think that you can just STOP without medication (at least I would not try and do that).  I would drink until I could see Dr...what the H*LL...?  You have lost your most precious gems already...what else could happen?

    Do you have someone to drive you to the Dr?  

    Think about this..it is better off for you and the kids for a little break.

    Can you talk to them on the phone? 

    You are NOT a bad person...you are struggling with a BAD condition that is very powerful.

    You WILL get help...you WILL get better...don't give up on yourself...because if YOU give up...than who is there?

    I am glad you found this site...keep posting jojo.

  • tess33005
    tess33005 jojo85

    Posted

    Jojo, Nobody here judges anyone else. We support one another - whatever you've done, we've done too. Or worse.

    Read the others' posts. You will gain courage and determinaion. And when you relapse, we'll be here for you - not to judge, but to help.

    Love Tess x

    • jojo85
      jojo85 tess33005

      Posted

      thanks everyone is great to know people care. im in the uk so people know. ive woke up this morning soaking wet from the sweats. my shakes are not as bad as last night but im having awful cramps. ive been drinking heavily for weeks. ive had a traumatic time lately and ive just been drinking to forget. im scared to drink, as i cant lose my kids for ever they are the only thing that i live for. im concerned that the social will urine test me before they let me see my kids and if i have alcohol present they might not let me. my family live 4 hours away and i dont drive, my life was my kids and i dont have many friends now (mainly because of how i get when i drink). i feel so lost and alone. im so ashamed of what ive become. i used to be so happy then when i got depression the alcohol soon follwed and now im lost. it has full control over me and my life. i just cant get through to myself whats happening everything feels so surreal, i just want my life back
    • h1954
      h1954 jojo85

      Posted

      Your aim, rightly, is to get your kids back. This might be more a marathon than a sprint. Please don't put your health further at risk. A drink to stop the DTs is better than the chance of a fatal seizure, until you can get medical help. Are you eating? And drinking lots of water? You can do it. Keep us up to date with how things go.

    • lorilin16
      lorilin16 jojo85

      Posted

      This is your chance love . You can do this, once you make it past the 72hours they say that's the dangerous part. Like I said for me days 4,5 and 6 I had terrible symptoms. My stomach was terrible. Like hurt so bad. I was also nauseated and I felt like disconnected from my own head, I swear it passes. As quickly as it comes in, I am now 10 days sober, I wake up daily smiling and being so thankful,. My advice to you, keep writing. Keep posting. It gives you strength and honestly helps so much. I'm in the United states so I'm sure we have a major time difference even though I admit I have no idea what it is (will look it up today) but I'm here for you as much as I can be. Hope to hear from you soon xx

    • jojo85
      jojo85 lorilin16

      Posted

      Thnk you very much for the support..I havent had a drink and i feel 10 times better then this morning. ive been allowed to see my kids as long as a 3rd party is always present. So ive managed to have a few hours with them today which has given me strength. my shakes have relaxed. ive stuffed my face with rubbish most the day. But i guess a few pound has to be better then the drink. its only been 48 hours and my toughest days are usually thursday through to tuesday so im going to stay positive. im off to the doctors for some meds..if my depression is helped i know i wont want the drink..im looking forward to waking up with a smile again and if you feel so good after 10 days i know it is possible for all of us..im not sure time difference but its 9pm here in uk
    • lorilin16
      lorilin16 jojo85

      Posted

      It's 4:30 in the afternoon here. I'm so happy for you. You may have some tough days ahead but it's so worth it. I wake up everyday and smile because I think boy I didn't drink I'm doing good. First few days I ate everything in site lol but now I'm able to control my diet as well, also quit smoking as of last Tuesday so coming on a week of that also. I'm so happy you got to see you angels, that's what this crazy life is all about smile keep me posted smile

    • h1954
      h1954 jojo85

      Posted

      Good for you - keep going!
    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 jojo85

      Posted

      Hi, you have plenty of support here.  I have been tapering off for a couple of weeks now and am down to a small red wine nightcap (though no sleep so am a walking zombie).  I am reluctant to knock off the nightcap in case of final withdrawals.  My doc has given me diazepam in case I start shaking.  As yet I am ok. 

      I have wanted to get this far for years (have been drinking for 40 years) but has got far too heavy of late and knew I had to do something.  Coming on this forum has done it for me - got my head in gear as they are all such sound guys and made me realise that I am not alone.

      I am sure that with the right meds you can do it.  The meds I am holding off at the mo as doing ok - but I will go for it if I fail doing it "my way".

      Don't despair, these guys are awsome.

      Hug coming  your way.

      G.

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