Wish i was dead

I hope you feel better soon amanda.

Hey there u also awake in the middle of the night my worst tym xxx hey, how r u? X

You are right amanda, night time is worst. Sometimes I get up and play with the cocker spaniel who doesn't seem to worry what time it is. I can put myself to sleep by taking 600mg of Pregabalin but I wake up really silly in the morning. I have severe diabetic neuropathy down my left side but nothing really stops it except large doses of neuropathic inhibitor. I would talk to you all night when I am awake, in pain and cannot sleep. I don't really care when I sleep, it does not really matter. It is very nice to talk to you Amanda.

Wats that bob? & ive got chronic insomnia due to physical ailments and def worse with anx & or dep xx

Ps my staffie duznt care wat tym it is either bless her. X

My cocker spaniel is only 12 months old and she is great fun. People without dogs will never know how much of a friend they can be to you, especially when you are sick. A dog is unconditional love!

It is lovely to talk to you amanda, I wish we could send each other pictures of our dogs.

Best regards

bobcrachet

xx

Aw i know difficult on here lol. But yes u have to be a dog lover to know how good they can make u feel Xx they know instantly dont they wen u arent well. Xx

They are used in some Hospitals to help patients get better. The owner brings them around the beds of people who would like to pet them. I think it is a very good idea. They certainly do know if you are unwell and they are always pleased to see you. It would be great if you could get the same loyalty from people, life could be marvellous.

A lot of people would feel much better if they just had an understanding non-judgemental

person to talk to. Sorry for the broken reply but this website is a complete mess and leaves a reply button just below where you are writing with no chance of going back.

I hope you can make sense of it.

regards

bobcrachet

x

Yes i did no worries. Ohh how ive learnt animals are easier to trust. Although luckily the world still has many good apples once u throw away the bad... i prefer less pol in my lfe since suffering mental illness as SOME not all is caused by other people xx i spoke to an old lady sat who was testing her dog fir the hospital thing. Apparently he was slighty overfriendly bless his ♡ so failed x x

Pls excuse cpl of spelling mistakes above. Picking up new glasses tomorrow !

Don't worry about spelling amanda. Spelling is daft anyway, I can never see any sense in it anyway. I can understand everything you write.

I have to see my GP again tomorrow, there never seems to be a let up.

I wish we had cures for some of our conditions instead of things that just alleviate the symptoms.

I think the best thing to do is learn to cope with the stress of it all.

Hope you are feeling better amanda

Very best regards

bobcrachet (bob)

x

V true bob. Good luck tomorrow at yr appt & no never a let up. Opticians dental probs & drs on the 2nd ohh so exciting xx ha.

Still, I suppose we don't have anything to putup with còmpared with ýou ladies. You seem to have much more medical stress than we do, it is no wonder you require anti-depressents etc. Life is easier for men I think.

How could life be made easier for you?

Well it would need a full novel to how my life cud b easier bob but at this moment in tym im trying to put myself first & my daughter. I have only just started being able to say no to ppl & i am the main carer for a mentally unwell family member and all other family live far away. My prob was trying to do too much spread myself so thinly to help everybody as no one else bothers, And i have sone this since childhood. So 3 nervous breakdowns later ive slowly depleted so called friends etc and some family and now im just doing what i can on the days i feel well. Im getting there slowly xx i know it will pass xx & i can live my life knowing i have no guilt or regrets leave them to it xx

Done not sone lol. X oops ;0)

Dear amanda,

I feel you are making amazingly good headway. You must give yourself plenty of time and forget about trying to help everyone else. You will find life much easier and you will be able to focus on the things you want to achieve. It is exactly what I would do in your position.

I hope you are well today amanda

best regards x

Thanks for yr kind words bob. Much appreciated. Only now seeing that i have to help myself a little too is a huge step forward to starting to heal. Hope yr day goes well too xx

It takes a long time to realise that you cannot help everone but if you let yourself go down you will not be able to help anyone. At sea they always say keep one hand for the ship. Quite easy to follow really.

My day has been quite good so far. I have been to the GP. Now I am sitting in lovely little cafe in North Wales where I live, it is no good for work but the scenery is fantastic. I hope you are OK amanda. Just take it easy and don't work too hard.

Best wishes

bobcrachet

alias bob

x

Ohh lovely. Xx scenery always makes me feel better. Llandudno, tenby, llanberis, conwy oh the list is endless x always beautiful wen feeling low to look out at the glorious views xx full of cold n a bit of anxiety but taking it easy. Thanks bob x

Dear amanda,

I really love to talk to you. Communication is medicine in it self when you are feeling ill or depressed. The second point, which you have already illustrated in your last communication is the environment you find yourself in. Wales is a very nice place to live in because of the mountains and beaches as well as the countryside. It is not such a good place from a work point of view because there is not enough to go around.

I wish you could come up and see it. I could take you out every day for the next three weeks and still have plenty of places left to visit.

Now a lot of people would read this and wonder what it has to do with patient health. Well of course the truth is, it has everything to do with health, particularly yours because if you were living in a nice house in a pleasant environment with a delightful view, someware you could sit with a warm drink so you could just sit back and relax. A lot of your problems would be solved. It would also require a friendly, understanding person to talk to, not to tell you what to do but just to listen and offer suggestions when asked to do so.

We all need a safe and secure environment with a little company from time to time.

What do you think?

I wish the moderators would allow us to exchange email addresses so I could send you pictures of mountains, waterfalls, my dog and pictures of the snow we had in the 2010/2011 but of course this is breaking the rules because it would be open to abuse by others.

We live in a sad world.

I love talking to you amanda and I feel I could solve many of your problems without any medicine at all.

What do you think?

Very best regards. Love and best wishes from sombody who just cares a bit about people like yourself.

bob

Awww bless. I understand why the rules are there ecspec online. Its nice talking to u too. Who knows in the future maybe bob, a cuppa a gab & the sea. Although nowhere near seagulls they r too brave these days!! ;0) im a p/t carer for my ex husband my daughters dad whos mentally ill so cant get tym much for me. Lost my stepdad to cancer in aug & mum in scotland so its hard as shes been an alchoholic 50+ yrs and is having lots of falls xx so my trips tend to only be up n down to ayrshire at the moment.... bless its an illness i understand it now leaving my childhood in the past x shes 70 & frail & trying to stay sober a lot more for that im happy xxx

And yes bob im carind like u. Some say too much so. But hey ho id rather that than being cold...

Caring*

People who live their lives without caring for anyone but themselves live in a world without colour and never experience what it is like to be truly appreciated. They convince themselves they are winning. Nothing could be further from the truth and they never actually see what is happening to them.

Everything balances out in the end but I would love to know how it works.

I know how odd a world that wld be x i sometyms think it would be easier for them mentally but other than tht they wud miss out on on the lovely emotions & meeting the nice ppl in the world who cld make their world brighter xx

I doubt they get depression or anx v much just a personal view x

You never really understand how other people view what is going on.

Our perceptions are all different and feelings vary wildly.

Two people can observe the same event and come out with completely different descriptions. This is why eye witnesses can be so unreliable.

If you then factor in feelings towards some event, all is lost.

Men and womens views on a particularly sensitive matter can be so varied that there is little point in making a comparison we simply don't see things in the same way. There are no rights or wrongs, we just see things in a completely different way.

It is no wonder that your actions towards a family matter are not always met with the same enthusiasm. In short, you think you are doing the right thing but others see you as just interfering.

Please feel free to stop talking to me at any time amanda. Your home must come first and I shall not be offended if you reply another day.

I hope I help a bit by simply talking to you.

regards

bob

Ohh no one thinks its interference just only me who does it all.... no i love talking on here & to u as much as im able its helping me enormously xx ;0)

I sometimes think, all we need is a reasonable person to talk to amanda, not to tell you what to do, just someone to listen and offer a few ideas that might help you with a future decision you may be forced to make. I find it nice to talk to you and just listen to a few of your problems. We are wildly different which is what makes it so interesting. I found it very sad when you first said " I wish I was dead" I have never felt that bad myself but then again I have had an easy life compared to you.

Would you be supprised to hear that I have been a supervisor on three large London companies and I was a course tutor in a London college teaching refrigeration, mathematics and physics but I would not have much idea about how to bring up a young family of children with learning difficulties. Compared to you I have had an easy life. Women don't really get the credit or income they deserve. No wonder you feel stressed.

You should get full credit.

Hi bob we are two different amandas xxx

I replied to amandas i wish i was dead then you during the discussion. X

Well bob 1am stil wide awake eatin porridge in bed with my staffie doin a wonderful impression of oliver twist x!!

It is now 4.17 and I have just woken up. I am prescribed this magical drug called Pregabalin. It is a neuropathic inhibitor and blocks pain but it is also fantastic for making you sleep. If I took it first thing in the morning I would be asleep until midday. I like porridge to. The three carbohydrates I eat are porridge, brown rice and boiled potatoes. They all release their sugar slowly so they keep your glucose reading down.

When do you sleep best amanda?

Hello amanda,

I was really out of it last night. Because I have diabetic neuropathy I have to take Pregabalin and that knocks me out for hours.

I think it is also used as an antidepressant.

It is now 10.10 in the morning.

Aww no worries. Usually like 1am-3 then i wake up or @5 diff really. X they think my three years of dental pain could be neuropathy but i have to have 1 last tooth out thats giving me probs then it will be ruled out or not... im already on gabapentin for trapped nerves in arm coming from bone spurs in the neck and that hasnt helped my teeth. So who knows x