full of anger one day happy the next
Posted , 4 users are following.
I have been diagnsoed with bipolar over a year ago. Though i have a lot more depressive moods rather than mania. I also have various twitches too. This has gone on for most of my life i am 46yrs old. I have been on various medication was put on lithium over a year ago but i didnt take to it well and it made me more depressed. I am now on 210mgs of lofepramine. For a good six months things were ok but since december i have been very depressed (this tends to happen in december), full of hatred for people and angry. I had to leave my job as a teaching assistant as it was too much. I have been working at tesco four mornings a week on stock control 5am-9am i am a dog walker too. My husband completely backs away from me and doesnt understand i am left feeling very alone. I have said to him i am only here until the dogs (we have 4) die as i cannot die before them as they will be split up and put in separate homes as my husband works long hours i couldnt bear the thought of that. I have tried attempting suicide twice taking tablets. Yesterday i was very manic went for a run walked the dogs for two hours came home and did housework whilst drinking wine then went out at 2 to go to the shop and buy 2 mini bottles of wine some water and sweets. Walked around the area for 4 hours drinking the wine and thinking i was invincible. Came home drank and cried and cant remember anything else!
My husband has not spoke to me since Friday as he quote 'cant deal with me when i am like this'. Today i have spent all day in bed feeling empty and worthless.
Does anyone else have a husband who doesnt understand and ignores you? It makes me feel unloved especially when i am really low. When i am good its great but that isnt very often. My husband never asks how my day has been what i have done he has his tea falls asleep on the computer then in bed by 9 as i am up so early in the mornings. I am proud that i have managed to keep my job but i think it is mainly because i dont speak to people during the time i am in.
I just want a cuddle and to be told i will be ok. I think i am going to have to change medication oh and last week when i was down then great the next day he said to me 'you must have taken your happy pills have you'? which really hurt me.
Does anyone else have a husband like this? And have more depressed days than manic days?
0 likes, 5 replies
borderriever alisonjane44
Posted
My relationships can be very clinical and I can be very cold if someone i the past has been a real uncaring sole.
I tried suicide several years ago and now I am living the result where my medications are taken away from me and my wife makes up my day supply so I am not trying to take myself over to those Golden Gates
Good luck with your by-polar I send a cuddle, you will be ok
Keep a hold
BOB
g.90572 alisonjane44
Posted
It's sad that you're depressed because it sounds like a good life. Maybe too much wine
bubble2008 alisonjane44
Posted
I have bipolar too along with personality disorder and anxiety disorder. I get more hyper mania than mania but like you said I'm more depressed than anything else.
My partner doesn't understand at all his take on it is I should just get on with it it's like he doesn't believe in mental health. He drinks loads to if we have a row he throws my mental health in my face and calls me a sico which is really hurtful. He lies in bed till lunch time and leaves me to deal with the children. If it wasn't for my children I don't know how I would go on they are the only things keeping me going. My mental health team is useless I have no support from family or friends and find it very hard to trust anyone due to being betrayed and let down all my life.
alisonjane44 bubble2008
Posted
ah that sounds awful. Would you not consider leaving with the children? He sounds like a horrid man to be honest and you and the children deserve better. My husband and i are speaking now i can be very cold when i am depressed think i have coped on my own for so long (prior to my husband) i try to sort myself out and he doesn't know what to do. I am new medication now and feel crap at the minute. If you want my email address you can. i may not live near you but i can give you support from text/email.
take care and be in touch
Alison
bubble2008 alisonjane44
Posted
Thank you Alison that's really kind. The thing is he is so good with the kids luckily it's the evenings when they are asleep he drinks so they are none the wiser thank god. I feel I'm letting them down if they don't have their dad as I didn't have a good childhood with mine. I'm afraid to be alone to be honest. I hope the medals start to make u feel better soon it's always horrible when u first start them I'm yet to find one that works I find they just make u so tired ang lethargic.