Posted , 3 users are following.
Hey guys! This is my first post and i apoligize in advance if its lenghty. But i really need some help here. Here it goes: I just want to start by saying that I identify myself as Heterosexual i.e. I love/crave/enjoy having sex with females (Im male and age 24). And also do enjoy intimacy (hand-holding, cuddling, kissing, etc.... Thats definitely a given. In addition, ive had tons of crushes on women (or squishes) growing up all throughout highschool and even as far back as the 1st grade. Heres the confusing part, every girl ive ever tried to get close with, once i felt things would start to get serious in terms of them liking me back, i withdraw ane gets immense amounts of anxiety. Note: ive never really been in a serious relationship. However, i love the idea of one. I love affection (cuddling, kissing, making out, touching, hand holding etc.) but not sure if i want all that in an actual relationship because i feel that the anxiety makes me question every aspect of the situation i put myself in. Heres the major one:
5 years ago, i kicked myself into approaching/talking to a cute girl. I got her number and everything was fine. She seemed interested. I didnt contact her, instead, i waited for her to contact me. She did. And i got so excited. Well, we ended up hanging out a few times over the course of 6 or 7 months. I noticed things started getting serious, so the anxiety kicked in and i wanted nothing to do with her...long story short, i asked her if she liked me and she said "a little" a part of me got slightly offended but a part of me was at relief knowing she didnt have strong feelings for me...another scenerio that arose was when i saw she was talking to some other guy. Despite my anxiety, i got super jealous and told her off completely even though we werent even together. Why would this happen if throughout the entire time we spoke, i questioned EVERYTHING. "Do i really like her" "do i really want a relationship" "what qualifies as an actual relationship" "why do i have this anxiety if i ACTUALLY liked her" . I kept thinking my feelings for her was forced or false the entire time, yet i wanted her for myself?
This had happened to another girl a couple years later as well but nowhere near this intense...i approached her. Got her number. We spoke for a bit, felt things were getting serious, then i made the excuse to not talk to her because she lived a couple states away...i feel so horrible because i feel like im hurting people without intentially doing so.
Lastly, i initiated a conversation with a girl online simply because i thought she was really cute and we had a common interest in music. We spoke for many months in a heavily flirtatious manner. It got to the point that she wanted to see me and i wanted to see her. (She lived really far btw) (No anxiety yet). One of her family members ended up passing and i conforted her the entire way through. We lost touch for 6 months because i saw she ended uo having a boyfriend. So 6 months pass, and i kicked myself to checking in on her to see how she was feeling. She told me that she never really needed space but she was dissapointed because i couldnt physically be there for her. Mind you she still has a boyfriend and we picked up right where we left off 6 months prior. We heavily flirted, i called her cute names, you know all the sweet, cute lingo...slowly but surely i could tell she was VERY into me. Annnnnddd here comes the anxiety. I started to question how i really felt about her. (Even though we never even met!) in the beginning of talking to every one of these girls, i would get so excited when they responded back to a text and whatnot...however once the anxiety kicked in it made me start to question every aspect of what we had going on. "Am i really interested in her" "how come i dont always think about her if i REALLY liked her"
Why would i initiate something with a girl, if the end result is ALWAYS this?? Even knowing that i dont even know if im built or even want a romantic relationship! I just dont get why i put so much time and effort only to question how i really feel about this person? I tell them how much i care about them, how much i actually want to see them and whatnot PRIOR to the anxiety.then i feel like i want nothing to do with them as soon as things start getting slightly serious...apart of me feels at comfort just being friends with them, but why would i be so damn flirty and interested in the begininng if at the end of it all ill be more at ease remaining friends but still maybe cuddle, hold hands, kiss (show affection) ect. My brain has been struggling with this issue for so many years now. This seems to happen every few years. Am i forcing feelings that i cant possess? Then why does flirting with them in a non-sexual way seem so natural at first, but forced and a big lie once my anxiety kicks in? If u made it this far, thank you. I apologize for the long post. I just need some help figuring out some things as to why i feel so much anxiety and just want to drop everything...thank you.
Also, once the anxiety lifts, i usually feel more at ease to continue with talking to them once again...but as soon as it gets serious again, the anxiety comes back and i start to question everything once again. Apart of me doesnt want to lose what we have between us because i feel deel down i actually care about them but my anxiety makes me go against all feelings i felt were genuine. I feel like a different person completely.....
0 likes, 2 replies
gill21655 TheOne9
Posted
Get to a place where you are happy with not being with a girl...
When the time is right it will all fall into place.
The fear is spoiling the fun of life and just being.
So just go with the flow and dont overthink the situations.
I am sure if you were really into the girl ... If she was the one.. You wouldnt get anxiety ..
Love and all the trimmings is not something that you can pre Order... When it happens you will be happy relaxed and content. And you will just know.
Good Luck
borderriever TheOne9
Posted
New relationships are not Marathons, and a fear you will be unable to perform. The best relationships are when people get to know eachother. before anything moves to a serious loving relationship.
Anxiety is nearly always part of a relationship in the early stages, we can ask if the person will regect us and not have any close feelings toward us. We are all different.
Part of finding someone is looking for someone with the same interests and who will be there and wish to be with you. Sometimes the other Partner will have different ideas than you and this can on many occasions break down before the relationship gets started
Enjoy getting used to someone treat them as an individual, never take relationships to serious. Enjoy getting used to people and just take it easy
BOB
Join this discussion or start a new one?
New discussion Reply