Depressed and very anxious please help
Posted , 11 users are following.
Hi guys. Long story short I'm so depressed and anxious I'm considering taking my own life. I'm on 50mg of sertraline and after a week I feel 100x worse. I'm been through this before as I was on them last year and the same happened. I'm 48 years old and still live with my elderly frail parents. I have a decent job but always just go through the motions and have never challenged myself. My symptoms are very physical where I have a constant tight feeling a cross my head.l, ringing in the ears and general tension. I keep looking back on my life with regret and as I'm still in my childhood home I used to look in the mirror and feel very confident as I was told I was good looking. All I see now is a bald head and grey hairs on my face and look very old. I feel guilty about how vain I was. I do hope to get a little reply from someone just to let me know someone is out there to help and take it from there. God bless
2 likes, 28 replies
deryl44443 alan56015
Edited
Hello Alan,
At 48 you are too young to be feeling this present low. It is however one of those ages where we all ask questions of ourselves and our lives and all too often reflect like this and come up with negative answers.It is to a large extent your age. I am 65 on Thursday so I have come through that phase , but that is not to say I don't still feel regret etc. On the practical side, if lonliness is an issue there are a number of ways to meet like minded people. Dating sites, gyms but my personal preference is outdoor exercise. I run and the endorphins from being outside knock spots off anything tablets can do. If you are as vain as you say you are then think of the additional benefits from body image. If this is not practical go for a walk instead, join a salsa dance group and the list goes on. All I can say is that I was on Citalopram for 20 years and when I fractured my hip in January and stopped running my depression came back with a vengeance. Ergo, the Citalopram wasn't controlling the depression my running was. That is MY experience, I am not suggesting it would work for everyone as we are all different. So at 48 you are very young. I started my exercise regime at 56. It works. Good luck
alan56015 deryl44443
Edited
Oh thank you so much for your reply. I'm actiually in tears now. I have suffered from anxiety with depression since about 21 and been on and off of antidepresents since then. I have never felt so low as I do know but I know the sertraline is doing that but also I can tell it's helping me break out by doing things like this message board that I would normally never do. Your an angel for your support. I feel like I am 80 years old as my body feels crippled with anxiety and I also have cervical splondosis which doesn't help and I sit at a computer all day. I have started jogging but haven't really taken it seriously as I am very self conscious also. But I definitely will heed your advice. I have a long backstory that I am dying to let out but maybe need to see a specialist for that. At the mall moment I can't concentrate on anything and the simplest task seems to take an age. Thank you agains for your advice x
katherine_18195 alan56015
Posted
I don't know what to say to help you, I. Sorry. But please don't think of ending your life. Great things can still happen for you. Life will be rough. But it still has its beautiful moments. Please just keep trying ad I'll keep you in my thoughts.
alan56015 katherine_18195
Posted
Rodders72 alan56015
Posted
Hi Alan
I totally agree with Deryl, I think exercise beats medication (it does for me). If you are self conscious running, you could try cycling or brisk walking, no one takes any notice. You could but some cheap weights and a bench and work on your upper body.
I've also recently found that just writing your thoughts down on this site helps too, you will get some real life advice.
Good luck
diane05094 alan56015
Posted
If setters line makes you "suicidal" and 100x worse, you need to taper off the drug. Tell your doctor. Certain people get far more depressed and anxious on SSRIs and they have been liked to many suicides. You may lack the ability to metabolize the drug, which is acting as a toxin. Exercise and a good therapist are better options.
diane05094 alan56015
Posted
connie00312 alan56015
Edited
You should not be taken a medication that makes you feel as you described. Suicidal thoughts are definitely a side effect of some anti depressants, your doctor should listen to you and take you off of that medication. You may have to be weaned off if it, because generally, it is not advisable to quit taking an antidepressant cold turkey.
alan56015 connie00312
Edited
Hi guys I did make a long reply back but I don't know where it went. Your support is amazing. I have been on two jogs already today Inbetween studying for a job interview. I never knew there was so much kindness in people as most of the stuff I watch or read is horror. The medication is making me feel worse as I seem to be be full of adrenaline and it's getting trapped in my shoulders and neck and making my head hurt and not being able to concentrate. However just came back from a run and can feel the benefit already as its clearing my head to write this. As I type this I'm in tears again but not in sadness but just a release of built up tension and anxiety. Thank you all for your time in replying. Makes me feel how selfish I have been over the years x
connie00312 alan56015
Posted
deryl44443 alan56015
Edited
Let us be absolutely clear. You are NOT SELFISH, you have a very real problem for which there is help in all directions. This forum as you have already discovered., my personal favourite exercise, and of course the right medication. Taking meds is never a weakness, it is just another tool. I say to anyone who comes on this site that we are ALL demonstrating immense strength in our will to get better. Good luck to all x
alan56015 deryl44443
Edited
Thank you all for your help. Trying to burn of adrenaline by running about again Inbetween preparing for this interview. Even spoke to someone I knew years ago and only lives a few doors away for the first time and wouldn't normally do that. I have come to realise your kind words and thoughts have shone a light and I seem to be coping ok today. The concern is that I still have these stigmas buried deep inside me that torment me and I need to face up to them. As I said in my first post I'm 48 years old and living with elderly parents whom my mother has gone into hospital today. Just realised that I would normally worry about that terribly but although I am concerned your help and suggestions have calmed me. Sorry for rambling on but I think I've gotten the bug in opening up to people and I can feel the benefits. Love to all
laura08496 alan56015
Posted
alan! oh my God about the body aging! time and gravity. i was considered a "fox" all my life. in my head i am still a brunette, and a thin one at that! now i pass a mirror and exclaim, What!? now i'm 80 pounds overweight, and i have thinning white hair. i just found out i may need dentures!! i can't take anymore than this. my psychotherapist suggested i appreciate what i've got now, because its only gonna get worse. of couse she was joking. I think.....
much luck to you!
deryl44443 laura08496
Posted
You have painted quite a picture of yourself! Clearly the sense of humour and perspective are still intact. Fantastic, well done you. We have got to have a laugh while fighting our demons. I suggest disposing of ALL mirrors
alan56015 laura08496
Posted
Hi Laura. I scares me terribly about aging. I was considered a Tom cruise look a like back in the day and although that gave me immense confidence deep down I was anxious as hell. And now Wow! The years have caught up. Bald, grey n old. As I type this I'm sitting in the same spot as a child where I used to watch TV. It's weird how I can't relate to it at all as I remember not having a care in the world and a whole life in front of me. I think I have been in denial and been holding on to the past for too long. I feel so alien to the world now.
laura08496 alan56015
Posted
alan, i too have come back to my childhood home. i dont go outside a whole lot because its so painful to be reminded of when i was a happy and hopefull little girl, running around riding my bike or playing with my barbies. i moved back because i was out of work, and had no income. but my family and i work together helping eachother. they were sick and elderly, (mom died a few years ago), and my pop is legally blind and depressed. so i help him out. i dont pay rent, so he helps me out. i never had any idea my life would be so different from what i invisioned as a child. i stay inside as much as i can, but sometimes run into people i knew in high school, and i dont know what to say to them. i never got married, and never had children, and i dont have a career so when you mentioned you felt like an alien, i SO know how you feel. you are not alone. i dont think WE are alone. things could have worked out worse. i try to be happy with what i've got. it still s*cks though. good luck on your interview. i admire you for even trying!!!
good luck at your interview!
laura08496 deryl44443
Posted
thank you for your reply! take care, laura
Nixy alan56015
Posted
Hello Alan. I hope you are feeling a little better knowing that so many of us suffer with the same feelings as yourself. I wanted to ask you if you have ever tried 5 htp instead of SSRIs ? It's a natural plant supplement that actually increases your levels of serotonin instead of circulating existing serotonin like antidepressants. I have been taking it a night before bed but unfortunately it made my insomnia worse, however I've for the last week started taking it in the morning and it's taken away my low mood and that horrible anxious feeling. The only thing is you can't take it with SSRIS because you can have serotonin overload and it can be fatal (serotonin syndrome). Maybe worth a google. It helped me anyway, I hope you find some help, it's such a lonely feeling I know x
alan56015 Nixy
Posted
Thanks for your reply my friend. I have tried 5htp but not sure it worked and I tried St. John s wort which didn't do anything. All this help from kind people like yourself has helped immensely and I'm beginning to get small lights of hope. God bless
alan56015 laura08496
Posted
Hi Laura. We're like two peas in a pod! Thank you for wishing me luck in the interview. I can relate to everything you said and it's amazing how you think you're the only one with certain problems. I do bottle a lot of things up and am very much a people pleaser. Same here, never married, no children and occasionally meet friends who have wives and lovely children with their white picket fenced houses. It is very depressing and doesn' do anything to me self esteem. Thank you so much Laura and I wish you and your family all the love in the world.