Depression and anxiety..

Aside from the symptoms you should look up forgiveness and figuremout a way that yo can forgive yourself for feeling tricked and believing in him and if possible to forgive him. I believe you will feel so much better in the long run. There are so many books and speakers on how important this is. You noted now husband so i guess you are with him? But feel very betrayed?do not blame yourself for you only Have control over your own actions. If you are with him now he has made his choice and chose you. You canr hold onto all this hurt because its hurting you powerfully. Do some research on forgiveness. So YOU can heal. You will get through this and you will one day realise how freeing and  healing forgiveness feels.mmaybe this is your life lesson that this is what you need to learn on your journey through life. Maybe he will one day become your greatest teacher. Look at this from that angle amd research it and you will see where you need to focus to heal. 

Hi Victoria. It's really brave of you to stay with someone who has betrayed you, and I know exactly what you mean about those thoughts creeping back in. Presumably the way that the situation was resolved was good enough for you to feel at the time that you could take him back? 

Its understandable that you find it hard to trust him now and anyone in your position would be a little wary, but also depression and low-self esteem can make anything seem worse than it is and make you obsess over stuff. That whirlpool of illogical thought is a horrible thing to go through.

I think that now you have married him you have to make a choice. Do you think that, these thoughts aside (and assuming he's a good boy from now on), your relationship has enough good qualities for you to have a happy life together? There's no judgement in that question btw, it's something you should probably be fairly analytical and honest with yourself about. I say this because if the answer is yes, you will need to be able to hold that vision in your head to sustain determination for the next bit. The hard bit is that you will have to commit to trusting him completely and breaking off all the negative thought cycles if you don't want your own brain to poison your relationship and jeopardise your happiness. You'll have to wilfully ignore everything that flags up a warning in your head. He's chosen you now, for life, and for your own happiness you have to give him the chance to be the person you want him to be. 

This is going to require enormous will power to start with and I don't think I could do it alone, so I'd suggest getting some CBT to help you to change your thought patterns and find ways of controlling the suspicion and fretting until it gets easier. In time the trust won't need to be forced.

Its not fair that he cheated and you have to do the work to get over it, but it's your only option if you want a chance with him I'm afraid. I'd put a time limit on it, so that the task doesn't feel so overwhelming. You will know how what feels right to you - say 2 years? 5 years? It seems a long time but it's better than contemplating a lifetime of effort. And then if things haven't improved you can call it quits or at least reassess. At least you'll know that it wasn't down to your lack of effort that the marriage hasn't worked. And if he ever does cheat again after that, god forbid, drop him and don't look back. 

As as for the anxiety, trying to control it makes it worse, and then next time fear of the symptoms ratchets up the anxiety even more. The best thing is to relax and let it blow through you - kind of detaching yourself and watching from the sidelines. Think of the physical symptoms as like a cold or a period pain that comes and goes. After a while you'll stop fearing it and tensing up, and it will go away. 

Good luck, I don't envy you your current position, but if you play this right you could end up with a wonderful happy marriage, and that's something to look forward to.