depression is taking over me
Posted , 4 users are following.
The last few months have been an arwful time for me having lost my work contract and then having my tools stolen. I work as an IT engineer and i havnt had any proper work since september my funds are running out and all i want to do is take a load of tabilets and just end it Ilive with my partner who as had depression but i cant discuss how i feel to her as it will set her off she recently lost her job so we are both out of work and looking every day this is the worst time of year with christmas only around the corner . i have tried to get a grant for more training which is hopless and my hobby writing e-books asnt took off i just feel theres no way out of this mess i think about just endding nearly every night i am 56 and i feel i let myself down getting in this postion where most people my age would be near retiring everything i had as gone into my business and its such a arwful feeling to have when you are stuck in a rot and the only way out is feeling of ending it
1 like, 13 replies
jean62175 iandykes
Posted
"ending it"? Very permanent solution to a temporary problem - some years back I was in what I can only describe as a very big dark hole & everything was being thrown on top of me and I couldn't get out, but the first step on getting out of it, I asked for help, yes, it was hard to admit I was depressed, anxious, etc., but such a relief when I spoke to a support group and might I say I cried buckets, I think when they saw me coming they got in extra tissues! I'm not making light of where you are, but if I could do it so can you. Well done on coming on here, you are stronger than you think, take care of yourself.
lorraine52317 iandykes
Posted
i honestly know how you are feeling. I'm 55 lost my job lost my home and have a family member who has been very unwell. I think at our age we do seem to reflect on our lives and past achievements. We then see where we are now and our hopes for a better future dwindle. I am trying hard to let go of 'what i have been' and trying hard to see what my future could be. This is a tall order when suffering with depression! For the first six hours of waking I feel dreadfully unwell then
Mid afternoon I start feeling a bit better which improves over the course of the evening. This is the time where I try to picture a different path for the future.
I would say to you Ian that you need to speak to a professional about your depression. If you can't share your depressive thoughts and feelings with your partner. Then please seek help from your gp. Have you a close friend that you could confide in too? It's so important that you keep the flame of hope alive. I know this can be hard when life whacks us hard with a kosh but proper treatment from your doctor and maybe counselling may benefit you. You do have a future ...It may change a bit, but it's certainly there for you to live. Who knows what's around the corner for any of us. You will make it...you will get a job..you will get better and most importantly you will feel joy again. Don't be discouraged. Stay strong.
god bless you and I pray both you and your partner get your health back and attain your hopes and dreams.
Lorraine xx
daniel25170 iandykes
Posted
Danny
iandykes
Posted
since writing this post nothings change in fact i have been in bed all week with a bad virus. Mybe when i am over this thing. it wont look too bleak its very hard to stay postive. but i will try
lorraine52317 iandykes
Posted
god bless
stay strong..Make sure you drink plenty of fluids xx
iandykes
Posted
I feel that I am getter better. I was in in hospital with a bad virus which was a really low point but since recovering my work slightly picked up to offer a glimmer of hope
it's very hard to feel excited when you have depression
but I am working on it. this is a great site with great people who care
iandykes
Posted
not sure why i am getting these things
feel like i dont want to see or meet anybody and keep being sad i am a bit worried about the dizzyness and headaches will need to see my doctor
i know its hard when you have depression but fighting it is the only way
Digsby iandykes
Posted
Perhaps you are still fighting the virus. Best to get your doctor to check out these dizzy spells. I know it's a tough time but try not to be hard on yourself - you are doing the best you can and that is enough. depression does feel like a daily battle so anything you can do to motivate yourself or reward yourself for getting through each day (sometimes each hour), don't feel guilty about doing it. It's OK to need a bit of distance from other people for a while, especially when Christmas time can become a bit over-the-top. Pace yourself and just do as much or as little as you want to to get you through each day. You'll find support here whenever you need it buddy. Take care.
Digsby
lorraine52317 iandykes
Posted
depression is a hard journey which seems to be never ending at times. You are doing so well keeping afloat. I know it's incredibly hard for you as you mentioned your partner also suffers with the same Illness. In addition this time of year can make us feel worse. My tip to you would be firstly to see your doctor about your dizziness to put your mind at rest. My guess is the ddizziness could be down to your medication, stress or even low blood pressure.
Secondly you do need to have a venting forum! Talk to a close friend on how you are feeling or things that are of most concern to you. If you haven't got anyone you trust .....talk to us!!
Lastly Ian you will get through this and you will get better. I know you are worried about work but with your expertise I'm certain you will land a new fat contract! Life is about timing and loving. Eg in time you will 100% get better. In the meantime ..love yourself enough to follow through with all the tools available to you to get better.
I know it's a slog but you can do this!
God bless
Lorraine xx
iandykes Digsby
Posted
lorraine52317 iandykes
Posted
iandykes lorraine52317
Posted
i havnt got a close friend who i can talk to about it
i suppose i bottle it inside
i am trying to change things but getting christmas out the way is the key at the moment
there is presure with work and trying to get money in for christmas is a worry but you got to fight on and try and makevthings better.
lorraine52317 iandykes
Posted
i know Christmas is not appealing when feeling this way. I think you are doing absolutely amazing in very difficult circumstances. I am more than happy for you to speak to me anytime about the way you are feeling. I honestly mean that.
i know the road you are on...i have the A to Z road map on depression and anxiety! ! Only just pulled off the road in the last few days and now parked up having a sitdown on the grassy bank!
More than happy to travel with you on your journey xx