Depression - Relationship breakup
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hi all, really looking for some advice and support. Last September I went off my work with anxiety and depression, for a period of 6 months. I believe the true source of it was that my feelings for my girlfriend had began to change, away from romantic notions back to friendships, the way we had started out.
?we first got to know each other as friends after my mum passed away in 2013, though we did not progress to a couple until July 2014. Things were great, but then I started to feel my feelings for her had changed, and I have hated myself for that since, as she invested so much love and time and effort in me, especially when I was off work with depression. However, and this is hard to write, I feel that my depression deepened as she tried harder to help me, I didn't want to admit to myself that my feelings had changed for her as I was too scared to break her heart. I wanted it to be so thing else causing my distress.
Anyway, eventually I could not take the pressure any more and broke things off, which has broken her heart. She now wants us to try counselling together to try and resurrect things. To complicate things, we work in the same place, and this is what is really hurting me - she says that she can't just be friends with me, if we don't end up back together, she will leave work. I feel unbelievable guilt about this, and just can't seem to cope.
id appreciate any thoughts on how to hop this situation, especially if anyone here has been in a similar positionn.
Thanks.
1 like, 4 replies
deryl44443 jason15970
Posted
It is always sad when a relationship breaks down and in your case you are feeling it more acutely because you have thrown guilt into the mix. It is a harsh reality that relationships end and you cannot resurrect it on the basis of your guilt, it would only peter out again. If you are adamant that counselling would be ineffective then you have already made the right choice by ending it. If however, there is an element of doubt then who knows counselling may work. Personally, I would be a little wary of the emotional blackmail regarding her leaving her job - this is dubious territory. By the way, I ended a 30 year marriage which was a million miles from easy but both of us have moved on to other partners very happily, so we can recover. Stay strong
jason15970 deryl44443
Posted
wayne1962 jason15970
Posted
Hi Jason - sorry to read of the dilemma you face. You sound very kind-hearted and are beating yourself up for dealing with the reality that you have moved on from your feelings for this girl. If that is the truth of it, counselling with her would be a bad move. A "ressurection" of a relationship is a two way street, and it sounds like she might be trying to guilt you into it. Happiness will be elusive. Further, the threat of her leaving work - let her. It will make life easier for you.
Love is a battlefield, and heartbreak is usually part of the equation. You must stick to your guns and not be consumed with guilt, you must not hate yourself. It would be worse if you lead he on, and it will be hell for you if you re-enter the relationship half-hearted. She will get over you in time. Best of luck for your future.
jason15970 wayne1962
Posted