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Depression setting in badly now.

Posted , 7 users are following.

BellaLuna
BellaLuna

I have had anxiety for 17 years but until the end of November last year it was manageable, literally overnight the anxiety worsened massively and became a 24/7 issue.

At first I coped because I had hope that it would get better but now I have no hope of that at all because every techique I use to cope just isn't working anymore.

Since the start of January leaving the house has been incredibly difficult, I used to be able to go out comfortable if my husband was there but now it's utter hell and I've lost all of my freedom.

I cry and cry because I think of all the things we used to do as a family that are all gone, I dread weekends, half term and the warmer weather because I know the kids will be missing out on all of the things we used to do.

My gp increased my diazepam a little 3 weeks ago and i'm worried it's causing me to feel constantly unsteady on my feet and that I will never recover and be able to go out again properly feeling like this, I need to reduce it again really but I'm scared to.

My life is like a circle of despair now, can't sleep properly, wake early, feel scared all the time and often don't know why and I see no hope for the future, it's like the old me is gone and taken my life with it.

My husband is feeling the strain and the kids are in pieces too.

I have a CPN but she has not been very helpful, she was supposed to ring on Thursday to let me know when a consultant can do a home visit but I have heard nothing and just get her voicemail when I call.

I am utterly lost, nothing happened to trigger this at all, it was completely out of nowhere, I feel detached from life, worthless and helpless.

I try so hard to carry on and to do things like go out but it never feels better and I can barely function either, I was a proud person but now I look a mess and go days without showering because I just feel like I can't do it, not because of anxiety anymore either but because I have this feeling I can't even describe, it's as if my mind and body are shutting down and I simply can't function.

Small tasks feel like climbing a mountain and everything feels overwhelming and impossible.

I am having slightly fewer actual panic attacks now but the agoraphobia is not improving and the despair and sadness are getting worse.

I don't know where to turn, even with a supportive husband I feel so alone sad

3 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • Yogadatti
    Yogadatti BellaLuna

    Posted

    You could be describing me..but my children have grown up and left home and I dont have a supportive husband as he thinks I should be able to change myself. I also have lots of health issues. 

    I just want you to know you are not alone, that I feel the same as you do....

    and maybe knowing that will help in some way. Xxxxx

    maybe you should try anti depressants, I can't take them anymore , but when I was able to it certainly helped.   

    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna Yogadatti

      Posted

      Thank you and I am so sorry that you are suffering too with the added pain of having no support at home, it must be so difficult for you.

      It does help to know I am not alone, this has been the most isolating experience I have ever known.

      My gp isn't keen to prescribe anything because I had problems years ago with anti depressants so we are waiting to hear when the consultant can visit me at home but not heard a thing yet, I am scared of new meds but would at least like the opportunity to discuss my options xx

    • Yogadatti
      Yogadatti BellaLuna

      Posted

      Yes well my talking therapies counsellor was supposed to refer me before Xmas....still hasn't....gps are useless too.....I really think it's very difficult unless you live in big town where there are loads of support groups of like minded people....
    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna Yogadatti

      Posted

      I agree with you, before i had my apparent breakdown i told my cpn that i felt things were getting worse and she said she would refer me for psychotherapy on an urgent basis, it never happened though so i know exactly how it feels to have the people that are supposed to help let you down so badly x
  • liana01735
    liana01735 BellaLuna

    Posted

    That sounds awful, I can't imagine dealing with that, you're not alone there are a lot of people in your position. You have coped for so long which shows you're a very strong person. Could your pride have gotten in your way and stopped you getting all the help you needed even when you felt your were coping? I think you should go back to your GP and if they're not helpful try seeing another. I saw like 4 or 5 before I found one that properly listened and really helped me. Maybe you could ask about seeing a therapist? I'm doing something called Mindfulness which is a new therapy which a lot of people have found helpful. There's a lot about it in books and online. There are some great simple meditation techniques for anxiety. I'm sure things will get better for you even if it doesn't seem like it now. Reaching out to people with the same kind of problems as you may help you to feel less alone, maybe there are support groups in your area? Or maybe an online forum which is more specific for sever anxiety and agrophobia. I hope things improve for you soon xx
    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna liana01735

      Posted

      Thank you, I think at first I though it was just a blip and I would get through it just like I have done in the past but of course that didn't happen and thins got worse.

      My GP is good but relies on the mental health team to do their job which they are failing miserably at, I managed to get hold of my cpn today, she once again said that she would see about the consultant paying me a home visit, she said all of this last week and it's as if she says things but they never actually happen.

      I spoke to MIND tonight, the mental health charity, they gave me the number for my local branch which had closed by then but I will call them tomorrow to see what support is available through them, they are generally very good and of course will have experienced people who have agoraphobia needing support before too xx

  • rich98378
    rich98378 BellaLuna

    Posted

    Hi.

    Sorry to hear your still struggling .I Know how you feel. I made it out to the dentist today. So that's a positive. What medication are you know on?.

    I've been keeping a record of how much valium I'm taking and it's getting more frequent. I've tried to stop taking it . This is the 3rd day without but I feel terrible.

    Try not to feel alone . There are other fellow sufferers out here you can reach out to.

    Congratulate yourself on every little step you make. If you have a shower one day then count that as a positive . I must admit I went 3 or 4 days without a shower 😕.

    Hope you get some luck with your CPN soon

    Best wishes Rich

    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna rich98378

      Posted

      Thank you, i am on valium too, have been for 17 years but had the dose increased by 2mg 3 weeks ago, i wasn't even eating at that point and it helped in that respect but i think it aggrivates my feelings of unsteadiness.

      I do try to be kind to myself and feel pleased for the things that i manage to do but as you will know it's hard to feel positive at all at times like this and it's been going on for so long, i try so hard, maybe too hard at times.

      I'll ring my cpn again tomorrow and if i get no luck there i will call my gp and see if she can do anything to push them along a bit, it's like banging your head against a wall with them at times.

       

  • DawnDedee
    DawnDedee BellaLuna

    Posted

    Hi BellaLuna, so sorry for your suffering.  You are describing me also to a great degree.  I keep valium on hand to take when I need it most, for it is my antidepressant that helps me the most with anxiety, depression.  I do not like how it makes me feel.

    I go through spells when I simply hide from the world, not even wanting to answer my phone.  I hope you receive the help you need.  Sometimes that old saying is true, "The squeeky wheel gets the oil."  Push those who are supposed to help you until they give you what you need!  Squeek loudly!  Earlier in my life I was too polite and would miss out on help that I needed and allowed those who were not doing their jobs, to get by with it.  Stand your ground.  Politely, but firmly.

    You are not alone,

    Take care,

    Dawn, USA

    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna DawnDedee

      Posted

      Hi Dawn, thank you and I'm sorry to hear you suffer like this too, as I said above I did manage to pin down my cpn today but she wasn't helpful at all, I have written a letter to my gp, sometimes the gp will get involved and request more help from the mental health team, I do need to put my foot down a bit and insist that something is done because I can't go on like this xx
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