Do I really need permission?

Yes you do.  You need it from everyone who cares about you...including people on this site.

Sorry.

Pat xxxx

Dearest Mami,

I understand what Pat has said but your life is your own and so are your decisions. However, we each have just one life and it is very, very precious. There are friends and family who care about you and because we can relate to how you are feeling, there are friends online whom you have never met who really do care as well. Millions of people would swap their lives to have what you have. I don't know what physical, mental & emotional pain you are struggling with at the moment but you don't have to keep it to yourself or carry on alone. The fact that you feel as if you need permission suggests to me that you don't feel in control of your life atm, but would like someone else to help you. Depression and anxiety is horrible because it tries to persuade us that we are not in control and that we are powerless. We get random thoughts and powerful feelings that take away our self-confidence and energy. But they are just thoughts and you don't have to act on anything that you don't want to. I have battled suicidal depression for the past 8 months (a recurrent episode but the longest I have experienced without reprieve from therapy or medication). The hopelessness can be crushing; the fear that the future holds no solutions to the overwhelming problems. I try to deal with the frustration by allowing myself to pause my life. It feels strange because life goes on around you at the same urgent pace, but you don't have to give in to that pressure. You can give yourself permission to take the time and seek the help that you need. You are a precious person with a lot to offer this damaged world. I don't know you personally, but I do know that there must be some things in your life you are grateful for and you can still find something to look forward to. Life still has enjoyment to offer you. I can't promise happiness, as that is often a subjective experience, but I can offer companionship along the journey.

Big hug. Stay strong :-)

Digsby xx

Because you keep asking I surmise that actually you dont really want to. What you want to help tp feel better. Plese try to get it!

I do wish to die.  Just thought I needed permission to, not so sure anymore if I need it or not?  So confused.  Overwhelmed with sadness.  Can't cope with it.  Have started doing DBT with psychologist, it's so hard.  Started self harming again.  Saw my GP today, she threatened to stop my ad's.  She phoned my CPN who is coming to see me first thing tomorrow morning.  Don't feel I want help, I just want to die.

Saw my CPN this morning.  She said I don't need permission - what a relief.