Posted , 8 users are following.
Everything’s so hard right now. I cant focus or function properly. My mind is filled with negatitivity and that makes me really confused and unhappy. I dont see the beauty in things anymore. Everything is darkness and I feel so alone. I cant even confide in the people I'm closest too. I feel like everyone is slipping away and im trapped. Trapped in this melancholy and nobody understands. Nobody understands me. I feel so hopless. I often find myself thinking ‘what’s the point of it all?’ I just don't understand it because everything is going for me. I go to a good school, I have mostly good relationships, I'm talented at the things I love and I'm most likely capable at achieving goals I set. So why do I feel this way? Distracting myself helps a bit: watching tv, reading a book, being with friends. But as soon as it's over im back to misery. Lonliness. Perpetual crying. I cant distract myself forever and i dont know what to do. And the worst is nobody knows. I put on a happy facade and no one suspects anything. If only they knew what lay underneath it all. I'm nearly 18. Is there anyone that can help me?
1 like, 14 replies
killerkid700 emma50611
Posted
I know exactly how you feel
I'm here for you if you need me :3
lorraine52317 emma50611
Posted
You sound like you are really suffering with depression. Have you been to your doctor? Please make an appointment ASAP. You are only young and should get the help you need so you can get on and enjoy your life and studies. Make that your priority goal xx
We are all here for you and I would love an update.
Hugs and blessings to you xxx
hypercat emma50611
Posted
lorraine52317 hypercat
Posted
Where are you on our common journey? Hope things are improving for you?
I didn't realise how many of us in this world suffer from this awful illness.
Blessings to you
Lorraine x
hypercat lorraine52317
Posted
I wasn't concerned with my depression when I was in my 20's in the sense of trying to cure it, but was just worrying about finding a way to carry on and do the things I had to do, like work. Otherwise I would have had to end it. I did sort of find a way by accepting it and realising I had to limit my life somewhat so I made sure I had a good work/life balance. I couldn't follow any dreams because my mind was always blank and I knew they were out of reach anyway so I made sure I had a job I could do and was ok with it, then concentrated on building up my social life. I took up a couple of hobbies I am passionate about and only worked so I could enjoy my time off.
I have had to forget any ideas of marriage and children as the stress would have killed me and I couldn't have dealt with that. I never really wanted that anyway and there was no way I was ever going to rely on anyone except myself. I have only ever had me to rely on and have become very protective of myself as a result. Not one of my family ever cared enough to help or even to understand, while friends have a bit.
I did have a couple of spells of counselling which helped quite a lot but the rest of it I did all by myself. I always got bad flare ups from time to time but then my depression would return to it's normal manageable level. I have had quite a lot of problems in work and relationships over my life but overcame them enough to have friends and keep most of my jobs.
I am 61 now and retired. My attitude is I have made it so far and I am proud of myself as I never thought I would live past 30 ish. I am comfortable with myself now and can face myself in the mirror. I still have quite a few suicidal thoughts but probably won't act on them now as I am on the home run. Part of me is pleased that I will be entering my twilight years soon and the other part is very sad that I missed out on so much in life and opportunities. But at least I have had a life of sorts and this is much more than I could ever have imagined.
I don't know if anyone else can relate to this? Maybe the older people can?
How about you Lorraine? Where are you now? x
lorraine52317 hypercat
Posted
What amazing strength and perseverance you have. Just reading through your post made my heart ache for you. I cannot imagine continually having this illness it's so crippling. It sounds like you never really got any support and had to battle this illness mainly on your own. This makes me feel so sad for you as
I only really now understand what depression can do to our bodies and souls.
I'm 55 and until five months ago I thought depression was something that people mentioned when they felt a bit down in mood. Now I have had the full force of depression I know how horrific it is. I've been 4 months of antidepressants and have started to feel better but know I'm not quite there yet. Mornings are the worst!
I really hope god will shine on you and give you some relief. You truly deserve it.
How amazing you are to go through a lifetime of this and still help others
God bless you
I'm here anytime for you and I really mean that xxx
hypercat lorraine52317
Posted
I think you are a lovely person and have just seen yet another of your caring emphathic replies to someone trying to help them. Bless you back love lol. I hope your depression ends very soon and you get back to your normal self. Take care. Hugs Bev xx
lorraine52317 hypercat
Posted
I seem to be going through a few fairly good days followed by a few not so good days! Hoping this is how the recovery process goes!
You are a very wise (and witty) and definitely brighten up the day. How do you manage to cope is beyond me as one bout of depression has knocked me off my feet for months!
I do believe some people are heaven sent. .... you are certainly one of them.
Love to you
Lorraine xx
hypercat lorraine52317
Posted
That is the beauty of a site like this, we are all different and can bring our individual experiences to try and help others. You bring your empathy and caring and you do that a lot. I have often seen and greatly admired your replies and wish I could have said that the way you did. We are very lucky to have you here as well. And I am not just saying that I really mean it.
Take care Lorraine love and I hope you are feeling better very soon. Lots of warm cuddly hugs Bev xxx
stevo1975 emma50611
Posted
Thames emma50611
Posted
Best wishes
sara1993 emma50611
Posted
Putting a happy facade in my experience makes things worst because you no longer differenciate emotions and feelings, ending up in the vicious cycle. What I try to do now is show more my real or "natural" emotion or feeling in the moment but make sure to explain why I'm behaving that way so no one thinks it's about them. Some understand, others judge. You choose yourself and if that helps you keep it up until you feel more comfortable.
Hope you find your way and truly start enjoying things because no one deserves to feel that way about things they love doing.
emma50611
Posted
I want to thank you all for your kind messages (they really do mean a lot), for sharing your own personal stories, and for offering your advice. I now don't feel so alone about everything.
I also want to say sorry for the delay in the reply (its been like a month now!) but I haven't exactly been in the right frame of mind lately to post anything, you know how it is.
Anyway, things are looking up. After having another emotional break down, about a week or so ago (this time at a halloween party), my friend came and calmed me down. We sat outside away from everyone and had a really long chat about everything. It felt so good to finally let it all out to someone who wouldn't judge me and someone who knew exactly how I was feeling. He told me about his own struggles with depression and how he got through it about a year ago. It was this chat that gave me the confidence to do one of the hardest things I've probably ever had to do. Then next morning I told my mum. I told her how hopless I was feeling and how I cry all the time and how unhappy I am at school etc. I could tell it was very hard for her to hear - her strong, capable, confident daughter is actually feeling pretty broken inside - but I'm glad I did tell her, because at the end of the day she is my mum and she will support me. Which is exactly what she did and is doing. We chatted for a while and decided that the best option would be to see my GP. I went the following week (last week) and it was semi-successful. After talking through my problems (somewhat briefly - which was annoying) the doctor said that she could perscribe medication to improve my mood but would like to take a blood test first (to rule out any other possible causes) and to try talking therapies. I've got the blood test tomorrow (eek...needle phobia) and am in the process of trying to find an appropriate talking therapy - hopefully something will be sorted soon. My school have also been informed which is good I guess - the teachers will sort of understand why my grades have been a bit wobbly lately and why I have missed a few lessons and such.
So there... that is where I'm at now and I already feel a bit better about everything. Obviously things are still tough and I am still definitely not the smiley fun person I used to be; but the fact I now know I've got a whole bunch of people out there who care is a massive positive and also the fact that I know things can and will get better eventually.
Thank you so much again all of you - I'll give another update sometime soonish x
stevo1975 emma50611
Posted
Join this discussion or start a new one?
New discussion Reply