Early recovery from ED and possible MS diagnosis
Posted , 2 users are following.
I don't know what to say about how this year has panned out for me so far.
I've always had problems with eating and food. When I was younger I used to be a really bad asthmatic and was constantly on steroids (the little Red Devils I called them) and i would always gain weight and have the chipmunk looking face from bloating out from them. I would be called fat by my brother and sister, then kids on the road, in school and then by all my aunties, nanny and uncles. This played havoc on my self esteem and I never really had friends.
When I was 7, my brother passed away from adult cancer at the age of 12 and things never fully recovered. My mam switched off and everyone became so guarded and no one really smiled.
But things slowly got better.
When I was 15-16, I had a friend who was so skinny and small. So I got fed up being the 'fat friend' and decides to lose weight. I went from size 16 to a size 8 in a few months and would skip meals and I looked so drawn. It might not sound small but I'm 5'8 and medium build it was. This went on for a year or so and then all I remember is me starting to eat my meals again and didn't worry anymore.
Now moving forward to this year, things have been really tough. At the start of the year, I went temporally blind in my right eye and I didn't think much of it as I was on antibiotics and thought it was a side effect as I've never had that brand before. But it turned out I had optic neuritis and was kept in hospital for three days on steroidal drips. I've had a fear of the steroids since I was a child so this was a trigger for me towards my bad eating habits. I gained all the weight back on that I lost with my PT which took me nearly a year to achieve and I started getting really down. I was also being told that the optic neuritis was an indicator that I am being tested for MS and that I will definitely have it when I am older. I am to find out in August if I have it now and what I am suppose to do. I am in complete limbo at the moment. As a result of that, I started getting headaches so bad I couldn't lift my head off the pillow and I am only able to manage two half days in work! Everything was going downhill for me.
Then all of a sudden, my best friend who was battling CF died and I cannot come to terms with it.
My eating habits went from bad to worse after this. I went from being 61kg to 56kg in less than a month and went up to 58kg after the shock of my bestfriend passing and then dropped right down to 51kg in little over a month! I couldn't cope with eating more than 300 calories and had to be under 5g of fat. I would only have a cup of tea for my breakfast and I would flush my porridge down the toliet to make it look that I was eating to my mam and dad. I would have a Diet Coke for lunch and then have a salad for dinner that would only consist of lettuce tomatoes feta cheese and one slice of onion. I never liked red meat but I used to love chicken but I can't manage myself to eat chicken anymore so if I did eat anything with my salad it would be tuna. Even eating my salad would be hard for me to finish. I have to leave something on my plate so that in myself I felt better knowing I didn't finish it all.
I just felt so numb
I finally admitted to my mam after her fighting with me nearly everyday that I was starving myself and that I don't have any interest in life anymore and I went to the doctor. She prescribed me antidepressants and took my weight and bmi which was 18.1 which is underweight for my height but not severely. If it wasn't for my mam, I would of left it and went further.
I'm starting to try finish all my dinner and I am introducing my breakfast which I can only seem to manage an apple and a few strawberries but it's a start.
Anyone who is in recovery, is it normal to feel like a pain in your abdominal region at night like you have a lot of gas? At the moment I'm getting that but at the moment I'm still only eating before 7pm.
Thank you for listening and I hope to hear for people who would understand because no one in my family or friends can relate even though they try to understand they can't.
0 likes, 3 replies
katlouise1989 AliiBabaa
Posted
Hi! I'm sorry to hear about your struggles.
It's good to hear that you are starting to reintroduce food again. I actually started off by re-introducing breakfast as it helps with your mood and also helps to keep your weight low (it gets your metabolism moving).
Everything you are doing, it's a good start, and remember that and how far you've come.
It is likely that as you recover and get back to a healthy weight you will have all sorts of symptoms. I became ill a lot more regularly than when I was poorly. This is all because when you are restricting your body goes into safe mode and so all your systems shut down to conserve energy. When you start recovering, all the effort they have put in to conservation, now catches up, so you will find different things cropping in that you weren't expecting. Remember also that your digestive system will have to tolerate the reintroduction of the food also.
Keep fighting.
AliiBabaa katlouise1989
Posted
Thank you so much katlouise1989 for your reply. It made me feel more assured that I'm on the right track and that I am not the only one that is experiencing discomfort when I eat.
Thank you soooo much ??
katlouise1989 AliiBabaa
Posted
No worries. i'm happy to help.
You might want to head along to a support group. Beat the eating disorder charity run facilitated support groups across the country. I've found them really helpful.