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Fear of death

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cjstevenson
cjstevenson

Hi, I posted something similar to this in the depression category, but I thought it'd be best to post it here as my GP told me it involved obsessive thoughts.

My obsessive thoughts center around death, the (in my personal belief) lack of an afterlife and the impending death of my parents. They mess me up so badly, to the point I won't eat, can't sleep - I pretty much spend my time thinking about death and it's inevitability and it's ruining my life. I'm anxious about it. 

My parents are aware and so are one or two friends, and I've been given the spiel about "don't worry about death and enjoy life" or "they've lived a good life" in reference to my parents, but I simply can't accept it. I know I have to, but when I try to I break down - I can't work, I can't do anything. I can't help but feel everything is pointless in the face of inevitable death. Why do anything if I'm just going to die and not remember it? Why can other people go on enjoying their lives when all I can do is imagine everyone I meet rotting in the ground? 

I've been put on 20MG of Citalopram and have been given 2MG of Diazepram (The diazepram was to calm me and help me sleep - which it did not do.) I've only been on the Citalopram a day, and I know it takes a while to take effect, but I literally don't think I can live like this - I don't want to die, honestly, but on the flip side I think to myself "if I won't remember life anyway why not die now?" And to me that reasoning makes sense. At least then i won't have to live through the deaths of those around me, trying to accept that they're just gone and the body I once identified as them is rotting away.

My GP had initially suggested breathing exercises and mindfullness, but after a two weeks we realized they weren't helping, thus the medication. Any help overcoming this would be massively appreciated. The scariest thing is that i don't think anyone can alleviate these fears, because the reality is that death is going to happen around me and to me. And knowing that that's true is really messing me up.

Thanks

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • paul76608
    paul76608 cjstevenson

    Posted

    Sorry to here that all you can do is live life to the full and make the most of i think cbt can help you it is hard to over come it's apart of life you r  born to die it's mad I don't know what awaits when It does happen but all you can do is live life to the max and do the things you dream about good things my first was sky diving that's 1 ticked off my list over 100 to go just try think of the good mate msg me any time 
  • peter_a
    peter_a cjstevenson

    Posted

    morbidity or morbid thoughts are sadly part and parcel of some depression's but for goodness sake do not follow it through all it is is a chemical imbalance in your brain telling you to do things which you really do not want to do.  What you are now feeling is ok for the length of time you have been on the drug sadly those feelings are only feelings and par for the course which will soon ease the longer you keep taking Citalopram just stay with your doctor at a time like this quite often drugs may need tweaking until they reach the theraputic level suitable for you.  Keep me informed of how things are progressing and if those thoughts get nasty see a doctor stat either your own GP dependant on time or through the ER.
  • niccik
    niccik cjstevenson

    Posted

    Sounds like CBT therapy would be perfect for you... It trains you into thinking differently, more positively and helps you manage and control your intrusive thoughts. I had 9 sessions of high intensisty CBT and since i have definitly felt more in control of my 'head'. They work through a book during your sessions called 'Overcoming Low Self Esteem, A Self Help Guide using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques'. Bare in mind though, it doesnt just focus on self esteem. Its great. And therapists ask you to work up to chapter 4 before sessions. Another thing i do to control intrusive thoughts is to put them all into an imaginary box. I tie up the box and even decorate it. It takes the heat out of the fire if you like, gets you thinking and concentrating on packing your thoughts away rather than focusing on the detail of them. You could try this? it doesnt work for me all the time but definitly does a lot. Im also on Citalopram. 40mg for me though and they have changed my life. I didnt notice much of an imporvement from 20 to 40 but ti can definitly tell when i havent taken them. I come crashing down big style.

    I have lots of mosdules and books on self help cbt. I will send you links. They really help. And if you put in the work you will get a lot out of it. 2 weeks is probably not long enough to try mindfullness. It takes will power and strength and even i wasnt able to succeed with this as much as id liked during my 9 weeks of CBT. Stick at it... Need more advise or just a chat let me know smile... My discussion is 'Obsessive Compulsive Thoughts' if your interested. I too have suffered from fear of death. I still do but i think i grew out of a lot of the fear with age. xxx

  • anne49183
    anne49183 cjstevenson

    Posted

    i can complety understand where your comming from cj it a fear i think alot of people have then it takes over your life completly give the meds time to kick in obv your gp wouldnt have gave u them if they didnt think you needed them and also taking meds is a personal choice
  • sinead34887
    sinead34887 cjstevenson

    Posted

    I'm basically identical to this discussion. I'm not on meds though. I haven't been to my CBT in a good while though and didn't feel like I got to fully emerse myself into it. I find it hard to to the excercises alone so I'm hoping to go back next month. It's so frustrating as I bet this fear before. I went to college and lived on my own and loved every minute of my independence. And I think the key thing is,is that I just didn't THINK of my parents dying. Now I'm obsessed with my death,my parents, basically everyone's.I see old people and it freaks me out. Which I hate as I've known to have acceptance of getting old before. I've just fear of basically EVERYTHING. I'm not in work at the moment as I couldn't handle it with all these thoughts going around. I so badly want to go work and go have fun and travel. But I just have if in my head that if I don't work then I'll somehow freeze my parents aging. Which I know makes ZERO sense. I know this is all down to belief system and I'm trying desperately to alter it. Somehow. Or ACCEPT that we are going to the same place and to not obsess and waste the precious time I have with them. I'm saying this all now but can't find the strength to act on it.
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