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Feeling trapped

Posted , 2 users are following.

niki06854
niki06854

I've suffered from depression since my teenage years and I'm now 34. My depression is accompanied by anxiety and OCD. I feel so alone. I rarely interact with people and everything in my life seems to be a struggle. I've been taking Citalopram for ten years now, occasionally upping and lowering the dose but I've been at 40 mg for a while now. Lately I just don't seem to want to go out anywhere. I've lost my parents and grandparent and have siblings but the void that they have left is huge. I don't have any goals or incentive to do anything. I have no drive or self confidence and I feel like I'm constantly worrying about my age and health matters and death. I've had bad experiences with mental health experts and it's put me off of speaking to them again, plus the fact I find it humiliating. I'm so unhappy and I can't see myself ever being happy again when the people that were my world are gone. I feel like I'm always on the outside looking in.

1 like, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • deborah93854
    deborah93854 niki06854

    Posted

    I know how you feel. Although I am 20 years older than you. I don't have much motivation either. No goals and no organisation lost confidence and don't like to go out much. I feel so alone. Its my birthday today and I have been invited for lunch fm a friend, but cant decide whether to go. Decisions are hard for me.my friends care fir me, but they cant make me better. I struggle every day with how to fill my day. I feel v alone. The only time I am remotely happy is at night time at the end of the day. Life is hard for me at the moment, so I can sympathise what you are going through. Try and have a productive day, hard as it may seem. Take care D
    • niki06854
      niki06854 deborah93854

      Posted

      Thank you Deborah and happy birthday. I think sometimes it's easier to give advice than to take our own. It's funny you say you like night better because I totally agree and I've heard others in similar situations say that. I suppose because it's safer and quiter, life seems to slow down.

    • deborah93854
      deborah93854 niki06854

      Posted

      Yes that's why I like night times. Quiter and calming I suppose that is my comfort zone night time in bed or on the sofa.

      Take care

      D

  • michelle87265
    michelle87265 niki06854

    Posted

    Hi Nikki, I am in the same situation with ocd, gad anxiety and like you have had depression for many years.

    As hard as it to say it's very tough, but you have to try and get yourself out there, and just trust you will be fine. Do you have good friends that you can talk to and confide in. Have you considered cbt or counseling to help with how you feel.

    its going to very tough, but you can do it and you will be absolutely fine, the other thing is relaxation music or meditation music try that.

    hope this helps. Best of luck 😄😄😄

    • niki06854
      niki06854 michelle87265

      Posted

      Thanks Michelle. The irony is that certain things might make me feel better but I can't be bothered doing them. Sometimes I don't even want to move from room to room to get something because it requires too much energy. I know doing nothing about it is making me feel worse but it's a viscious circle

    • niki06854
      niki06854 michelle87265

      Posted

      A lot of people think OCD is a need to clean and it's got so many different faces. Mine isn't cleaning but rituals in a certain order. I've gotten rid of a lot of these with exposure therapy but any kind of change really unsettles me and intrusive thoughts cause guilt and then there's the health anxiety aswell

       

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