Feeling very low and weepy, dont think I can get through this. Any advice please

The family must help you kath, it's very early days you should worry about yourself and get well, housework will still be there.  Explain to them you must have help with all this because your recovery MUST come first it's a long road to recovery and unless they help it will take you longer to get well, it's only about three weeks NO WAY can you do these jobs yet.  Not what you want to hear but take pain meds and do exercises and REST then things will improve for you.. You must have waited on them for years it's your turn tell them straight how you feel.  so sorry for you please try and take care and hopefully things will improve.

love Lorna x

 

Hi Kathy, I am only 11 days post -op myself so I can't really offer much advice other than can you sit down properly with your family & explain how you feel? The other thing is, we are all proud of our houses & the way we conduct our household chores but sometimes our expectations are very high. So what if the housework is piling up or the ironing hasn't been done. It's not the end of the world & you've had a major surgery. Do what you can & then rest. If there's something that needs doing your family will have to muck in. The more you try, the more they will expect it. Sending you big hugs xxx

Hello Kath, 

I am so sorry you feel this way .. 

when you mention your "family" do you mean husband/partner and children who live with you in the house? 

I find this whole journey very confrontational ... to feel useless, dependant on others, asking for help - If you haven't had a THR surgery, you just don't know -

you did not break a leg, otherwise you would have a cast,,right - or let's say,  a bad case of the flu - coughing, sneezing, looking miserable - Instead you just had major invasive surgery, where the old joint was forcefully dislocated, prothesis were banged in after cavities were fitted .... surgeon did a good job leaving a neat scar - and you are expected to be up and about ... 

Have you watched the video on youtube?  the live surgery is brutal, so maybe don't watch that one unless you are up to it and MAKE THEM WATCH IT WITH YOU ...(sorry for caps) There is also a great animated video which also gives you a great impression what actually was done, without blood and other gory stuff ...

How are you doing otherwise? are you doing your exercises, walking, are you in pain?  what medication are you taking for the pain?

Healing is taking a lot of energy and you might feel tiredness for a while - 

Take care of Kath first, okay ... don't allow anybody make you feel bad about yourself or, worse, guilty !!!!  

big warm hug, 

renee

 

Hi Kath,

You CAN get through this and you will.  Try if you can to focus on the positives - you will be free of pain and you will have your life back.  I can't stress enough the importance of a positive attitude in recovery.

Your family probably don't feel the same as you do about housework and ironing not getting done and you must try not to let it stress you.  As someone on here once said, unless the queen is coming to visit why bother?  I think it's probably their attitude that is getting to you.  Tell them that unless they help they'll have to pay someone to do it - that might get them moving.  

I pottered around, doing little bits then resting in between.  What didn't get done didn't worry me too much.  I live alone so at least I didn't have to clear up anyone else's mess.

You are through the worst bit and it's all going to improve from now on. 

Good luck, Cels Xx

Morning Kath.

I'm a few wks ahead of you. I had my THR beginning of May. I felt bit helpless too (still do somtimes) I'm finding it hard to sit and rest. As they say it gets better, so once you're more able to do things you will probably be the same. It does frustrate you when you cant do what came so easily before the op (unless you were suffering before op) I think now. If I can't do it, leave it for someone else to do it.

I'm sorry you're so weepy. It happens a lot, going by what I've read on here. I've been ok. Just thinking to myself it HAD to be done (I fell and broke my hip) it is what it is. My life has changed for a while but I hope I'll be back to normal or as best as in a few months.

Feet up and enjoy the rest.

Love

Brenda xx

Hi kath

I have had days were i felt like you. A couple of weeks after surgery a relative said "wow your bedrooms a mess" I was in tears and couldn't believe what she said but didn't offer help. I think that some families are like that. Sometimes when they can't see bandages, pots etc they assume you are okay. It's hard to relax at first knowing housework needs to be done but i don't expect visitors to come round and upset me either. My husband expected me to be back to normal after 3 weeks as well. I realised very quickly i have to look after myself. So i have put myself first and chores to the bottom of the list for a couple of months. I have been doing the basics with my gripper. A really useful tool. I now see my relatives in a different light. I craved understanding and i was and still am grateful to the people on this site. Remember tomorrow you may feel much better.

Hello kath, you are not alone. As a wife and mother, we feel it is our duty and our duty alone to take care of everything, and up until this point, we have prided ourselves on being able to manage this. The biggest pressure comes not from family or friends, but from ourselves. We have all put ourselves under great pressure to be superwoman, and been proud of the fact that we can run households, whilst holding down full time jobs, and looking after everybodies needs. What a shock to the system, when all of a sudden, over night, we find ourselves completely helpless, and reliant on others. Our bodies have taken a bashing, and so too has our pride in being able to cope. We are in pain mentally as well as physically. What you are feeling is the norm, not the exception chick. Delegation is almost a swear word to most women. It is a true indication of your strength and commitment to your family and home, that these things are still more important than your own needs, even after the traumatic surgery you have endured. We can all get through this, with the help and understanding of our friends on this forum. Our superwoman Cape is washed and ironed, just waiting for us to put it back on. I do hope that you can give yourself a little love and understanding at this time, you've got the rest of your life to give it to others. I'm sending you my love, and understanding, just to get you started. Take care chick, and remember you matter, and you are important, and your pain is real. Lots of love Julia. Xx

Oh Kath, I am sorry dear. I had a post just like this. It's soooo hard that only a fellow hippie can understand. It is frustrating and hard to feel helpless and sometimes abandoned while you really can't do anything for yourself quite yet.

This too shall pass it is just a phase of this recovery but a tough one.

Maybe try and do just a few little things at a time, whatever you can, and it will make you feel better.

I wish I had the answer but mine just went away.....I started feeling better emotionally and got through it.

Big hug

Erika

I felt the same way as you did . I had my left hip replaced on may 6th ..It feels like my house is crumbing around me . The grass in the yard is as tall as my 6 yr old .it needed to be cut weeks ago .in the house i have been teaching my 8 and 6 yr daughter how to sweep the floor and fold clothes ..I well have major cleaning to do when I am able. I just take things one day at a time .I well get to it when I can ....as long as my kids are clean and fed im doimg good .....good luck and take it one day at a time thats all we can do bc in the long run it would all be worth it

As Erika says, only another hippie can possibly understand.  We have all been through this roller coaster of physical and emotional recovery.

Focus on positives, make a note of what you can do today that you could not do yesterday - that's why I started by recovery blogs - it lets you look back and remember just where you were and see how far you have come in your recovery.

Don't get despondant that you cannot do something that someone else can do - we all recover differently, in fact my two recoveries from hip surgery on the same leg, just 10 weeks apart, were quite different.

Potter around, and rest - recovery takes it out of you, and your body needs a lot of rest at the start.  At 8 months now, my body still lets me know when it's had enough and needs to rest.  I have been out gardening, staking up plants, but am sitting down now on here to give myself a rest.

Luvinlex summed it up for me ... "[color=#000000]Remember you don't need to be cleaning anything unless the Queen is stopping by for tea. People will understand if things are not in perfect order."[/color]

 =16pxBest wishes

[color=#000000]Graham - 🚀💃[/color]  

Dear kath,

You have only one concern right now, and that is getting stronger every day. Please do your physical therapy exercises religiously at least two times a day. Also walk lots of laps around your home with your walker. The more you exercise, the sooner you will feel your hip area loosening up. I sure did. Every day I felt better and better. I quit taking pain killers very quickly because I wasn't really in pain. I just felt an intense sitffness in my hip. Also the pain killer drug caused me to have great constipation which I hated more than the hip operation. Try as much as you can to ignore the housework while you heal. It's not important now. I lost a lot of weight after my surgery although I was eating. I ate lots of Greek yougurt because the PT told me that it would aid my healing process. Be patient with yourself because it takes a full year to completely heal. Good luck!