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Flare up after family bereavement

Posted , 6 users are following.

petra0263
petra0263

Hello, I am a 53 year old female and have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 4 years ago. I've been managing quite well recently, working full time etc. However, my father suddenly passed away 12 days ago. He lived by himself in Germany so I had to rush over etc. I'm now back in the UK but need to go back to Germany shortly for the funeral. I can't believe the difference in me since then.... I ache all over, can't lift anything heavy with my right arm and have zilch energy. My head is in a right old muddle and I'm so low. Had to be signed off work for now. What can I do to get myself back to how I was before this happened? I was managing my symptoms then, as they weren't that severe. But now I'm just an emotional and physical mess. I would appreciate any advice. I currently take Escitalopram and Pregabalin for the Fibromyalgia. Kind Regards Petra xx

1 like, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • kaz_40
    kaz_40 petra0263

    Posted

    Hi Petra0263 Sincere condolences for the loss of your father. The loss of your father would of been a huge shock to you. Fibro feeds on our emotions when we are stressed worried and upset fibro plays up we can have a flare upand our symptoms become alot worse.This is what is happening to you because of your sudden loss, and having to rush over to germany its taken things out of you and you are having a flare up, it will pass its difficult because of whats happening in your life at present. I dont take anything pain wise for fibro as Im allergic to opoids. You could try Ibuprophen hot water bottles and hot baths to help with pain. take care
    • petra0263
      petra0263 kaz_40

      Posted

      Thank you Kaz for your reply and kind words. It's just incredible, the difference in me within less than 2 weeks. I'm grieving, I know but wasn't prepared for the aching all over and sheer emotional & physical exhaustion. I've had colleagues at work who's parent passed away. They just needed a few days off and then came back. I honestly would not be able to work right now and will probably be signed off for a few weeks yet. I hate this feeling, but tried pushing myself - which just make me feel even more exhausted. I guess I have to start pacing again and read up on everything I learned at the rheumatology hospital following my diagnosis. I've been feeling quite lucky so far, but this has really brought me to my knees, literally. Thanks again Kaz. Will try hot baths with Epsom salts and Ibuprofen too. xx
  • susan556
    susan556 petra0263

    Posted

    Hi Petra  so sorry for your loss. as Kaz says its a terrible shock and only very recent too. I have a form of the fybro as in M.E. ive recently had  dreadfull flare ups due to anxiety and family issues which greatly upset me, results was with me attacks of vertigo and stomach cramp with  nausea. My kenesiologist lady whom i saw yesterday said stress can have a great impact on our bodys, with me it had literaly put my intestines into a knot and my food wasnt able to move properly. Stress will attack   our weak spots.

    Allow your self time to get over the shock and to grieve and dont compare your selfe with others that have lost their parents and just needed a few days off, they didn't have your illness to start with.

     Thinking of you at this sad time 

    Sue x

    • petra0263
      petra0263 susan556

      Posted

      Hi Sue. Thank you so much for your comments. It's good to hear how other people cope with this illness. You are so right about that I should not compare myself with others. I will stop that right now 😀

      I'm sorry to hear how awful things have been for you too, recently. I hope that you are beginning to feel better soon, too.

      Love Petra x

    • susan556
      susan556 petra0263

      Posted

      Hi petra well was diagnosed with M.E. like 19 yrs. ago now but not as bad as some are.. My kenesiologist managed to undo the knots in my stomach, i could feel them to when she pressed her fingers on that area, so painful but woke up for first time in weeks not feeling sick. A good tip when your under stress is try and avoid sugar as our immune system is already struggling and to much sugar isnt good as it wipes out our immune system for a while.

      Sue x

  • Bee70
    Bee70 petra0263

    Posted

    Hi Petra

    Sorry of your loss and condolences to you and your family.  Although I have been suffering with pains over 20yrs but only diagnosed with Fibro Aug 2014, I too went through breavement in Nov 2014, which had taken a toll on my body and pains had worsened during this time.  Luckily for me, once I was diagnosed my GP recommended I try CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) and I was referred.  The appointment came a month after the loss of my brother inlaw.  These sessions were amazing it helped me deal with my emotions and my day to day life with fibro and dealing with negative people around me.  If it wasn't for these weekly sessions only once a week for six weeks with a one to one therapist, I don't think I would be as positive as I am today.

    It made me seek help of herbal remedies which have changed my life, but making a few changes in my diet and leading a positive attitude to life i can honestly say 2015 has seen my health improve slowly but surely.  I am 95% pain free and still dealing with tiredness and sleep, but hoping to report back soon with my progress.

    Sending you gentle hugs from ME to YOU.....take care wink xx

  • Oopsy_day
    Oopsy_day petra0263

    Posted

    Dear Petra,

    I am honoured that you sought to share your stuation with 'me'.

    What I am hearing is that apart from the sudden loss of your dad, you are also flumoxed by the flare you are experiencing. It sounds like you have been living quite fully before this and you want to get back to it as quickly as possible...and who wouldn't.

    So what I can see is apart from the emotional impact, there has also been a big calling on your physical and mental reserves in order to get on to planes, be at airports at the appropriate times, carry luggage, standing in queues, making difficult and perhaps sad discussions with your family members, and organise tickets and leave at short notice, close up your home and expect to do it all over again for the funeral.

    My thoughts are to set boundaries with others regarding what you can and cannot do during this time. Your physical and emotional nerves are on high alert, call it another level of hyper vigilence.

    Perhaps you may want to consider calmatives such as camomile or include stress aiding vitamins like the Bs. More importantly, as far as the Fibro is concerned, you may want to see your doctor for short term measures to help your increased pain levels.

    I expect at this time the last thing you might like to consider is meditation or mindfulness. These can be done in short spurts and they need only be appreciating the sun, birds, garden, smells, a nice shower. Try putting some of the distress in a pocket of your mind for  a few minutes a day and couple this with deep calm breaths.

    Regarding the emotions you are feeling it's okay. It's okay. The aftermath of a death is like a roller coaster ride. You can cry and you may be angry, you will ask what if. You might even feel calm and wonder why or feel guilty that you do. And that's okay.

    If you have a network of friends and this nourishes you terrific. BUT please don't think you need to 'get over it'.

    If it helps keep us in the loop. I'll look out for you in my emails...gentle hugs

    V

     

    • petra0263
      petra0263 Oopsy_day

      Posted

      Hi V

      I just wanted to say a massive thank you for your kind comments and very useful advice.

      What you wrote really did make a lot of sense to me and I will definitely try some of your tips.

      I usually meditate and try some mindfulness, but have not felt like doing any of it in the last 2 weeks.

      I will get back to it, like you said even a few moments are better than nothing.

      We will be going back to Germany next Thursday, as the funeral is on April the 8th.

      I'm trying to pace myself every day, but it's difficult at the moment. I do feel so tired and depleted right now. But I will get there, in my own time.

      I have been blessed to have my parents for as long as I did. My parents have been divorced for 33 years and my mother is still alive. Although I do worry about losing her now, which is going to happen one day. But I am trying to just live one day at a time, some days are just easier than others.

      I hope you are ok V and that life is treating you kind. You sound such a lovely & caring person and I have re-read your reply several times today, when I was feeling more fragile.

      Thank you so much again.

      Best Wishes

      Petra xx

  • Oopsy_day
    Oopsy_day petra0263

    Posted

    Dear Petra,

    Pffft. I thought my doorways were large enough to get through but now with my big head after your reply, I seem to be bumping into the sides. J

    I was involved in a bereavement group out here in Australia and I learned so much from the members. So I’ll send your thanks to them via the universe.

    You sound a little lighter today…

    Death makes us so much more aware of life, even if it is for a short time and it’s not surprising you will think about your mum.

    The door is always open if you feel like talking.

    Just wondering if you have joined any Fibro support groups? I’m in a couple on Facebook. They can be informative, however sometimes I need to have a break as some members, particularly those who are profoundly affected can make me feel a bit heavy in my soul.

    Valeria xxx

    • petra0263
      petra0263 Oopsy_day

      Posted

      Hello Valeria.

      Aww it was so nice to read your reply.

      I get what you mean about some members making you feel heavy in the soul... hence I don't spend a lot of time at groups.

      I work in social care and sometimes have to set up care packages for patients with fibromyalgia and up until this present flare up have been managing my symptoms well.

      I just saw my GP and had a lovely long chat with him. He also reassured me that things will settle down again eventually, and the grieving etc is causing all of this. He has signed me off until the 22nd of April, and I hope to feel a bit better by then. He has also given me the contact details for 'cruse' our local bereavement counselling service.

      My main symptoms (usually before this flat up) are the brain fog, mild intermittent aches & pains and blurred vision. But I have learned to live with it by making healthier life style choices, meditation and relaxation. I'm booked in for some reflexology this coming Monday, which I'm really looking forward to.

      Today I'm forcing myself to go out and meet my friend for coffee and a chat. The housework can wait till tomorrow 😀

      I have no idea what time it is in Australia right now, it's 10:15 am here at the moment.

      I wish you all the best and hope we can keep in touch. Thank you again so much for your kindness & support.

      Very kind Regards

      Petra xx

    • Oopsy_day
      Oopsy_day petra0263

      Posted

      Dear Petra,

      You're sounding even more hopeful today. Good to know you have a supportive GP and resources to draw from if needed.

      ​I have the fog, the aches and the burning (nerve pain) and memory issues, and I am in a good place symptomwise at the moment.

      ​Interestingly I was in community aged care here for 9 1/2 years and have been studying counselling, only need to finish a placement (if THAT ever happens LOL). My main focus is bereavement, but you know, bereavement or grief attaches itself to so many aspects of our lives. Take fibro for example....there are so many losses around that. But it could be worse. So many friends diagnised with cancers sad

      ​Anyway, hubs and I are spoiling ourselves and going over to Europe and the UK, leaving Thursday smile

      We were in Ireland for our honeymoon back in 2007....love love love it. I love the whole Celtic thing; the mythology. Actually reading Edward Rutherford's Dublin at the mo.

      Look after you

      ​Valeria xx

       

  • lisa11668
    lisa11668 petra0263

    Posted

    thank you for your post, it lets me know that I'm not alone in my struggle.  I lost my dad a week ago after from Alzhiemers and cancer.  I seemed to be doing ok until a couple of days ago when I was overcome with complete exhaustion.  Sleep is bad again and I hurt all over.  My brain seems full of cotton and I can't think. I feel numb emotionally which I haven't decided is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm familiar with the grieving process as I went through it with my mother's death but this is completely different.  I hope it gets better, I have to go back to work next week. 

    I'm new to this sight but I will read the rest of the comments to see if there is anything helpful.

    Thank you and my condolences on "your" loss.

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