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For those shy to post

Posted , 7 users are following.

dawnrainbow
dawnrainbow

How about introducing yourselves here.. like an ice breaker ?

1 like, 35 replies

35 Replies

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  • olivo
    olivo dawnrainbow

    Posted

    I am the wife (47 yrs) of an alcoholic, he as been for the last 20yrs...I come on here , to read the posts and try and understand why he does this-he knows it kills me- but he doesn't want to stop-that's the difference. Says he will never let me "control him" !!  He doesnt get that its the alcohol, not me!!!!
    • dawnrainbow
      dawnrainbow olivo

      Posted

      Hi Olivo. You sound like you have supported him for the past 20 years, and can only presume this is because you love him. Alcolism or alcohol dependency are addictions.. and terribly hard to contemplate trying to stop or cure themselves. All need lots of support. but often out side the family home., because family members are too close to understand or help with underlining issues. problem is .. there are very few places to turn to, look around this group for turnpikes.. and well done to you for staying with him !
  • olivo
    olivo dawnrainbow

    Posted

    Yes that's all correct!!  But I have really bad health now (12 stents in arteries) and mobilitly problems, otherwise I would now leave him- we have moved house 7 times in the last 5 years, "for a fresh start" !! And it's always the same old stuff, hidden bottles, all over the house, garden, garage etc- drunk  at 10am-  etc. He has also lashed out at me over the last 4 years, (1 trip to hospital for a broken wrist) but he of course says "you pushed me into it ,you made me do it"-apparently I have ruined his life!  If it weren't for me , he'd be  dead or on the streets. (even his own sisters agree) Our own kids have told me to leave him, but he twists that round to "you have turned them against me"! 
    • angela26170
      angela26170 olivo

      Posted

      Hi Olivo I live on my own,and drink half bottle vodka a night,it doesn't affect anyone,but will damage my liver,it would be a struggle to stop drinking and I,d never sleep,but if I ever lashed out at anyone,or was in a relationship I ruined my partners life,I would stop right now.He is being selfish,GET OUT NOW-  -   - 
    • olivo
      olivo angela26170

      Posted

      To old  Angela, and unfortunately I need help with walking and  have heart issues, diabetic etc. I should have done it when I was in my 40's- now at 66 its too hard. I read a lot, and when he's drunk, go to MY bedroom, and read, watch TV etc (he hasnt been able to have sex since I was 47, 19 years ago, )he has ruined his life., but blames me for ruining his. BUT he has no interest in stopping. Sad, he used to be such a kind loveing man, now he is a nasty cruel bully. The mental abuse is far worse, the names he calls me are unforgivable. 
    • dawnrainbow
      dawnrainbow olivo

      Posted

      Morning OLivo, you still sound like a very supportive wife. Saying that you need to think more about yourself, and how you can be happy
    • laura17559
      laura17559 olivo

      Posted

      Wow Olivio..

      Your husband sounds just like my ex-boyfriend. I stupidly got together with an alcoholic in shaky recovery, which was my situation as well. I only had a few months sober. I'd only ever drank on my own until I got together with him. Well we started back on a terror pretty quick.

      First thing in the morning till passing out at night drinking was all we did. But he was much further progressed in alcoholism than I. He was completely impotent, he would fly into unbelievably violent verbal rages that could go on for hours. He would never remember them (or so he said).

      He liked to drink in public ( not my thing) so he would drink on the bus since his license was taken away for DUI. He would get picked up by the police or paramedics a few times a week, it was insane. The paramedics and police, even our landlady kept telling me to leave him. This went on for two years.

      I cut down my drinking enough to get my head together and left 4 months ago. I'm so glad I did

    • olivo
      olivo laura17559

      Posted

      The most important word in your post above is   EX.   You have got rid of the problem.NOW you can get on with your life Laura, and be careful who you get together with in the future. My husband never even drank till he was 25, we worked as musicians and backing singers, always on tour with  stars, and that was his focus.  But alcohol crept in eventually, and he quiclkly became dependant. Your comment about the verbal rages is exactly the same as mine, and no, he never remembers saying the cruel things either, but would still repeat them another time, and his cruel remarks  (always the same things) would start to chip away at my confidence.   I am so pleased you  got out !
    • Guest
      Guest olivo

      Posted

      Oh my god. Thank you for being so honest. I hope you have managed to start your own life and get away from that man. A broken wrist is a reason to kick him out. I know it's not easy. I lived with an abusive man. One day he went to work and I had the locks changed. Not a good way to finish a relationship. I do hope that you are well now?
    • olivo
      olivo Guest

      Posted

      Not only a broken wrist! Bruised face, broken glasses, bleeding from ear etc- but of course , "you pushed me into it" is his favourite phrase!! NEVER took responsibility.  I have had 2 heart attacks, last one in February, I was in hospital 10 days , he only made it to visit twice, too drunk or hungover to do it more.  I am still with him, too old to change now, and am still recuperating from the surgery, but he still screams & rages at me, (ugly & overweight being his favourites) and 'pushes' me away.  Not a lot I can do, but get off to bed, or go out when he's like that.
    • Guest
      Guest olivo

      Posted

      Don't do this to yourself! Do you have children together?????

      It's so hard to get out but you can and you need to!!!! What happens the next time he gets drunk and violent? It could go too far. Get out. I don't know if you are in the UK or the US but there is help for domestic violence. Don't let this man do this to you. You are worth more. It's not easy but you can do it. I did. I now have a husband that won't ever hit me, shout at me, call me names. You deserve better. Please, get out! x

       

  • laura17559
    laura17559 dawnrainbow

    Posted

    I'm new here...I'm female, 43 and on day 3 of quitting...

    I've been a daily alcoholic for about 10 years.

    It got progressively worse, I got progrssively worse.

    I've been to detox numerous times, inpatient rehab, outpatient programs...counsellors, psychologists and addictions doctors....but my longest sober stretch was a few months....and a week here and there.

    I'm trying to quit on my own this time....I'm tired of looking for help. I just want this over with.

    I stumbled on this site and have been reading the posts and thought I'd say "hi" wink

    • dawnrainbow
      dawnrainbow laura17559

      Posted

      Hi Laura, I have been on this site a while now, but seldom post. Nice to meet you smile .. Wow day 3 ... WELL DONE YOU ! Take it moment by moment. Looks like you do have support networks, which hopefully will continue to help you battle on. As to being over with, dare say ticking off the hours for now, then the days, is on route to it being over
    • laura17559
      laura17559 dawnrainbow

      Posted

      Thanks dawnrainbow!

      The hours are moving by fairly well..

      I'm learning alot here from you and your friends. Thanks for caring smile

    • Guest
      Guest laura17559

      Posted

      Day three of quitting? Are you doing a home detox or 'cold turkey'? How are you doing now?
    • dawnrainbow
      dawnrainbow laura17559

      Posted

      That's ok hope you are still doing well, and get to reply to jbgf 
    • Guest
      Guest dawnrainbow

      Posted

      thanks dawnrainbow. I am trying to speak to as many people as possible today because I'm feeling really down
    • laura17559
      laura17559 Guest

      Posted

      Hi jbgf

      I'm doing cold turkey. I know it's not the safest route but getting into an inpatient detox takes at least a month. Last year I had tried to quit and ended up having a seizure on the 4th day and ending up in the hospital.

      I started drinking again and in the next 2 months had 8 more seizures, 5 more ambulance rides.... and the last one putting me in critical care when it wouldn't stop.

      I'm not sure if the very first seizure set off a chain of events but now I was having them drunk or sober. But I was drinking an awful lot..approx 20 drinks a day of strong cider. The Neurologist sent me for all the relevent tests...but basically I've damaged my brain and now have a very low seizure threshold. I'm on anti-seizure meds but they're not going to work if I continue drinking.

      I've cut down gradually to 6 drinks a day and I'm on day four...so far so good. I'm staying at home till I get a week or so. I wish I had some Ativan to help me get through but it's so hard to get around here. I have Seroquel and that's helping for relaxing a bit and sleep.

    • ADEfree
      ADEfree laura17559

      Posted

      Laura, you may want to look into medication assisted treatment, especially if you've tried to quit before and ended up drinking as hard or harder. Have a look at this, it's a method I use, it's non-addictive and it's worked quite well. There are other medications as well, something for everybody out there. Safe to say that if you want the alch off your back, you can have it and without the white-knuckling.

      https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

      Stick with us, we'll help you out the best we can!

    • laura17559
      laura17559 ADEfree

      Posted

      Thank You ADEfree!

      I'm going on 11 days now. That's huuuuge for me...when I go to detox I'm usually drinking within a few days of getting out. I'm thinking about drinking alot though. Not so much that I want to do it...but the obsession is still there. It's been such a big part of my life for so many years that it's a little hard to know what to do now.

      All my focus had been on procuring and drinking...getting sick...nonstop drama and chaos. It's odd but I'm not used to things being okay...not feeling guilty every morning.

      As you stated...It would be a good idea to visit my doctor for some medication. I really want to remain abstinent...so I think I'll talk to him about Campral...but if I do end up drinking again I'm definitely going the Naltexone route. I'm so glad it is working for you!

      I'm so glad there are options other than just as you put it "white knuckling" it...

      Thanks so much for caring!!!

      Laura wink

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