Found out girlfriend of 5 months has herpes- HSV2

Thank you for your thoughts.  I hope things work out for you, and I'm glad that your bf is being very supportive.  I'm not sure which way I'll go.  I'm trying not to make any decisions for awhile, hopefully until the shock wears off.  Thanks again.

omg walk in doctor was wrong my gyn said I don't have herpes!! I blistered myself applying tea tree oil directly to my vagina. best news ever!! omg so relieved you have no idea.. I did test positive for hpv. but no stds thank God!! I'm the happiest women in the world

Awesome!  I'm glad that worked out for you.  All the best.

Well, HPV is an STD, but congrats on the no herpes. Sounds like you'll need to have the warts burned or frozen off though. Hang in there!

U. Are very lucky i happy for that he will be there for u! I my case i still in shock i dnt know where i am heading i cant stop crying because this person. Who i trust betray me I feel so empty inside that I don't have anything to live for because he has taken your life away but I am happy for you

Yes you are very lucky as long as it doesn't progress into cervical cancer which you don't have to worry about with HSV but the fact is HPV is still an STD just like herpes HPV can be transmitted just like herpes and your boyfriend can contract HPV and transmit HPV to other women which is the same for any sexually transmitted disease.

Wow.  Listen I don't know you, but the tone seems way over the top and uncalled for.  This is new to me, I'm emotional and struggling with it and searching for advice.  Not man enough?  Really?  So having self interest where you don't want to catch something that can impact you the rest of your life make you not a man?  Wow.

Did I say that I'm only concerned about telling future women?  Just because I didn't type out everything I feel doesn't mean it isn't there.

Many relationships fail after 5 months.  I don't think it's ridiculous to try and not get starry eyed and think about it logically and apart from your feelings as much as you can.  There are other long term issues such as having children that are also a factor in us staying together. 

It's a pull and tug between weighing your options.  I was simply looking for how others have approached it.  Their decision making process.  Your judgement, I believe is uncalled for.  I could easily say shame on you--shame on you for being so harsh and judgemental on someone who is just genuninely seeking help.  I didn't mean to offend anyone.  I still don't.  Insulting someone's manhood after one post is ridiculous, in my opinion.  Perhaps I came to the wrong forum.  You don't have to reply, I'm not trying to start a war here. 

What arw the issues w having children? All my friends have had their kids vaginally w no issues and that is a total of 10kids born to a herpes positive person.

By 5 months, a guy knows whether he's in for the long run or not, which is why I made that comment. Again, you didn't address the real points I was making, because you know they're valid points and you can't argue them. You can catch it from the next STD free girl who has no idea she has hsv 1 on her mouth and tests negative for it like I do. That is the risk of being sexual w people. People cheat and you can't stop that. That's how a couple of my gfs got it, from their partner cheating on them. These are things out of our control and while it may be a life long conditon, obviously it is nothing that really has impacted your gfs life. She's obviously asymptomatic like the 85-90% of people who have it. Tell me how horrible it is again, when you've no idea?

You have herpes zoster dormant on your system if you've had chicken pox and that can reactivate.. Are you tainted? Should you not date anyone who has had chicken pox, cause they might spread it to you, cause you've never gotten chicken pox? We all pretty much by the time we are sexually active, have been infected w. HSV 1, EBV aka Mono, VZS aka chicken pox, CMV - also another cause to mono, HHV-6 which is airborne and we all get by the time we are two and HHV7... I left out HSV 2 and HHV8, because they aren't as easily spread and therefore less people have them. HHV8 only AIDs patience get that... The rest we have and go about our daily lives. We may have gotten sick when we were exposed or like the vast majority of people who have a decent immune system, never knew anything the wiser that they have been infected w something else.

My tone is bases on how you sounded. You come to a site, where we arw the very unlucky few who have had obs and talk about dropping a girl who is emotionally traumatized right now and you're just worried about yourself. Your reaction is a part of the stigmatization of this disease and is what makes people like her and the rest of us continue to suffer and it affect our self esteems. So yes, lots of compassion and passion behind my words, cause my heart breaks for your gf and I'm sorry if it came off that way. It's obviously an emotional subject and you indirectly were offensive, due to ignorance about it.

I feel we misunderstood one another.  Yes, you make many, many valid points.  I didn't address them you're right.  They are good though.  You clearly know your stuff on this virus. 

I didn't realize this forum was a focus of those who specifically are having outbreaks.  You are right, my post was ignorant to that.  That's on me.

It may come off as I'm only worried about myself.  But that's not true.  I am worried about her, and us, or else I wouldn't even be here.  I have a phobia of all germs, not just herpes.  I've struggled with it since I was a kid.  I don't mean to add to the stigma.  My concern is if we don't work out, that I would have a very hard time finding someone new, due to that stigma.  Part of my reaction is due to that social programming, you're probably right.

Let me say I have many medical issues myself, one which is very rare, so I am familiar with being part of an unlucky few.  It sucks.  I'm sorry if I offended, but it was entirely unintentional.  I hope you can believe that.

I've had two relationships end that went longer than a year, so I don't think it's fair to say after 5 months you're in it for the long haul.  I think in my case it's fair to say I'm in it to see what happens and potentially look at long term.  But I don't think you really know someone for a couple of years.  That's just my opinion, though.

I had no idea that many people were asymptomatic.  I suppose if you're one of those and you haven't been tested, you just live in ignorant bliss.

Your point that nearly everyone has HSV1 and can pass that to your genitals is relevant.  From what I've read, if you already have HSV1, you probably do if you're an adult, that's very unlikely, though.

Since you know a lot about this, can you explain your thoughts on how to best prevent transmission, as well as associated chances of that happening?  Just curious on your thoughts.

Lastly, I do think the insulting my manhood comment was over the line.  I was ignorant to this forum and it's member, I admit that.  I'm not educated on this, that's what I'm trying to change.  No offense was meant. 

thanks.

You're right, I definitely can be reactive to things and can be quick on the tongue. I get overly protective of the young girls on this site and when they read a story of someone feeling the way you do, my fear is it further drives home to the they are not worthy; hence my coning on very direct and sharp. I apologize for the man up comment, definitely over the top. It just breaks my heart, when I hear these girls on here say the things they do. I like you sound, have OCD tendencies and one of them as strange as it sounds, is researching the h*ll out of something I obsess about. I will exhaust it for months and stay up all night and I won't stop until I feel I found everything I can possibly. This is the reason I know so much. I saw how much false information was out there and remembering how alone I felt when I first got it 6 months ago. When I found this site and decided to post, it was because I promised myself I wanted to somehow prevent false information, stigmatization, pain and loneliness the best I could. I didn't want people to feel like I did. I have a crappy immune system, because I have autoimmune disorders... My body is too busy attacking itself, to address hsv 2. I'd hoped it would address it the way it dies hsv 1 orally, but no such luck. I had an extrwe and unique and excruciating reaction to it. Even the ones who do breakout when they get it, are likely to nwwvr have any more or only a few a yr and them be very mild. One friend gets 1 sore right before her period every month. That's the same as soneone getting a cold sore every month on their lip from going out drinking all night.

I appreciate and respect your concern and I apologize for jumping to conclusions that you weren't, when I read your post.

So that 2% to less number comes from abstaining during symptoms. She may have zero, but there's a possibility that she may have the ever so slightest and had no idea it was related to herpes like most do. She now may need to pay extra attention.. Was there a tingle, an itch, a crawly sensation, back ache, etc? Those are like things that people get and mistake for thursh. So abstain from sex during any symptoms if she Kearns she may have very mike ones that obviously don't result in sores for her, use daily suppressive therapy that cuts your risk of transmission by 50-60% and condoms by another 30% and your chances are about 2% or less a yr. You have a higher chance of dying in a car accident than you do of getting herpes following the above guidelines. A couple of my girls friends have had it for a decade or a little less, had several partners during that time and never spread it.

The people who are the greatest risk of spreading it, are the ones who are asymptomatic AND don't know they have it, because they aren't paying attention to their mild signs and arw not following other cautionary measures. Is it a game of risk you take? Sure... But you don't stop driving, because of that 1.8% chance of dying in a car accident a yr do you?

Thank you for your time and the information.  I'm bummed to hear about your issues.  I know it's worth nothing, but I hope you can find some relief.  I have rare neurological condition for which there is no treatment.  It can lead to disability as time goes on.  Lots of pain.  I'm sharing because you did, and I want you to know I appreciate your struggle.

The information you have provided is incredibly helpful.  This is exactly the type of stuff I was looking for.  Also, the comparison to dying in a car accident is very thought provoking.  From what I gather the odds of dying in a car wreck are lifetime risk of 1-500 or so.  But I get your point.

Again, thank you for the information.  I appreciate your comments and wish you the best.  I certainly have a lot to think about.

I'm really sorry to hear that you have a neurological problem and I can see why and how that would weigh in on your decision much more to possibly risk getting a life time disease.  I now feel even more like an @sshole for pounding on you, when I shouldn't have.  Yup... won the award for biggest d*ck head today! 

I think that is some serious soul searching you are going to need to do.  I think abstaining from sex and just seeing where things go with you two, may be helpful.Have you gotten tested as well?  I don't want to push you to brush it off, being that you have some other medical conditions to think about.  I can say as I've stated previously, us on here for the most part; are the exception and not the rule with having obs.  Outbreaks are also significantly more painful for women, than for men.  You'll notice if you search this site, men don't really post here and if they do, they don't use descriptions such as: This is the worst pain of my life, like the women do.  Not sure if that's any consolation.. lol.. 1 out of 8 men have it.  it really is much harder to pass to men then it is for women to pass to men.  You all just don't have as much mucous membrane skin as we do down below, which makes us more suspetible to infection and the fact that the vast majoirty of us shave bald down there increases the likely hood of being infected as well.  You all have been having sex this long and not got anything.. That's pretty good. 

I hope and pray that you find peace in whatever decision you make and I'll always answer your posts if you have any other questions.. So just know, that myself and others are always here.  Good luck! 

Thanks for the kind words.  Yeah, I would be lying if I said having other diseases didn't weigh into my thinking of taking on another.  Honestly, the ones I currently have can get to the point where you ask "how much more can I take" at times.  It definitely enters your thinking. 

I haven't been tested yet.  My thought was wait a few weeks after abstaining from sex, the whole windows period thing.  Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself, just based on odds I feel pretty good that I won't have it--but then again I've already hit the lottery backwards a couple of times with health so you never know!

Question--what about fingering and handjobs?  I'm trying to come up with some stuff we could in the interim where we aren't having sex, that would still be satisfying to both.  Hand job sounds no issue so long as she hasn't just touched her vaginal area.  Fingering I guess is the real question.  I've read that you're pretty much alright to do this, as the fingers aren't a mucous membrane.  I also know you can get it on your finger, if you have an open wound or something.  But assuming the skin is intact, that should be a safe option, or no?

Also, don't beat yourself up.  I was ignorant at first.  I've been panicking a bit and probably still am, and in looking for answers I didn't think of how I would come across.  So part of that is certainly on me.  You've more than made up for it with your kindness since.  Thank you.

Nope, I get it... I've been handed a crap hand w health as well and I was in the process of getting diagnosed w my other aliments, when I got this and I just felt like is enough is enough already.

In regards to your fingers, that's hsv 1 you gotta worry about. That's called herpes whitlow. Hsv 1 is much note versatile in where it'll spread vs hsv 2. Hsv 2 really just doesn't like anything outside of the genital area. It's nearly impossible yo get hsv 2 orally as well.

No.. I should have thought about being in your position, because ten yrs ago I was, only it was HPV w the person I loved. I shouldn't have taken it out on you, so I do feel really bad.

So how is she handling everything right now?

Ah ok.  So just to clarify--fingering should be just fine then is what I'm hearing you say, yes?  My thought here is to try and still keep some sort of sex life up while we abstain for a bit.  If it's safe, which sounds like it is, that sounds like a good alternative.  You'd be amazed how many random people on forums and even some doctors said "unlikely but it's possible."  Reading about how it's transmitted I just couldn't figure out how it's a viable concern. 

Also on the oral front, it sounds like that should be pretty safe both ways, yes?  If it's tough for HSV2 to go to my mouth, and she giving oral obviously doesn't provide skin to skin contact with her genitals...what are your thoughts there?

She actually has HPV issues also.  She is having to get tested for cancer cells, I don't know a whole lot about it.  It's sounds treatable even if it is, but certainly nothing easy or fun to have.

So she's sort of been put through the ringer.  I was also thinking this would be a good time to talk more about the kids situation.  So--she desperately wants kids.  Fair enough.  I've always been open to the idea...until recently.  The neurological disease I have, I've learned there is a solid chance it's genetic.  This would meaning there is a 50/50 chance I could pass it on to kids.  I just can't live with that risk.  I'd be open to adoption, but I'm not sure how she'd feel.  But, perhaps now is a good time to have the convo.  If we are going to ahead and try and work through this, perhaps it's time to put all of the cards on the table and make sure at least on paper we are fully compatible.  Thoughts?

I mean would I have a fresh wound and do that if I were you? No... But I don't think people should do that w or w out herpes if they have a wound. Hsv 1 is the one that people get on wrestling matches and such . anything can be possible right? It's just a super slim chance a s even let's say it did, you'd likely never know it show signs. The couple recorded cases they have of someone w hsv 2 have shown that they don't have obs and shed maybe one every 10yrs or less. You'll be fine.

Well there arw different strains of HPV. There arw the high risk, which cause cancer and then low risk strains cause genital warts and are not cancerous. About 80% of people have some strain of HPV at one point in their life time. Men are the carriers, can't get rested for it and don't show signs of high risk HPV, but spread it.

I think that's a good idea to talk about the kid situation right now and I completely understand your position. I don't want kids myself and some of that has to do w genetic predispositions as well. I just wouldn't want to put an innocent life through what I've been through. I think figuring out all the things you guys want in life right now, is a great idea to see if you guys are on the same page and compatible long term. Do you love her? You can message me privately on herw if you'd like to, so you're not putting this all out here

Thank you for your comments... BummerKC is unbileivable!

Good evening. I am glad I came across this forum as I was searching for my own unusual case. I will preface my comment with the fact that a handful of doctors told me they have never seen or read about an occurrence like mine. It has been 3 years since the time I calculated getting hsv2, and just over 2 years since a doctor diagnosed it. But it occurred on my knee. Nowhere else on my body. I didn't get transmission from sexual activity and I do not have "genital herpes". Check after check I am fine. But a blood test will return positive for hsv2. No one I was in contact with during the time I was unaware and after I tested has been affected.

Although it is an on my knee I suffered from the same emotional pain and rejection from people who were mainly uninformed. My boyfriend at the time completely abandoned me never to be heard from again lol. The stigma was still present. I was devastated and literally felt like who would be with me now. Other than this I am completely healthy. I do not take daily suppression therapy and have not had a disturbance in over 2 years. When I am stressed or sometimes before my cycle I may feel the waves or tingles from time to time. I take vitamins and L-Lysine daily. If I feel my stress level is too high that is the only time I will take a few days of suppression therapy.

All that said, if you've run into any forums with people having hsv2 in odd places and nothing in the genitals I'd love to know! Thanks.

Hello I'm Terrell how did you girlfriends prevent transmission that's my only concern I take daily antivirals and I don't have blisters however my Girlfriend hopefully soon wife has hsv1 i think orally

Cayla I will preface this by saying I am not a doctor, and you should talk to a competent doctor about your problem. HOWEVER I just want to say: 

Not sure why the doctors haven't heard of a case like yours, it's actually pretty common. What you have is called "wrestler's herpes".

Herpes virus doesn't actually infect skin, it infects nerves. Thats why it's so common on genitals and mouth because there are huge bundles of nerve cells there(tail bone/ base of spine for genitals and the top of your spine/base of your brain for mouth). There are nerves all over your body though and there are clusters at the major joints, hip, neck, knee, elbow etc and all of those clusters can become infected with HSV! Typically it is HSV-1 but HSV-2 is pretty common as well for wrestler's herpes.

The good news, and why I hope you see this is that the odds of you transmitting it sexually to your partner are quite low if you simply cover your knee during outbreaks. Even if you didn't, unless his genitals are coming into contact with your knee he probably wouldn't get it there, he'd be more likely to get it on his leg or arm which would probably come into contact with your knee during such an encounter.

Either way, you should keep it covered during outbreaks to prevent transmission, but if future partners are scared away, just tell them it's 'wrestler's herpes' and to research that if they need to ease their mind.

Hi cayla. I recently found out that my girlfriend has a similar situation as you. She found out she has herpes but only get a reaction behind her knee. I was wondering if you have any updates as to if you've transmitted it to anyone since you've post this?

And i would also like to pick your brain a bit if you're still on here. Thanks in advance -Jr

It is a stressful thing to deal with, learning your partner has Herpes and you could have been in contact with the infection itself. But if you truly love this girl of 5 months, or think you might you need to look at your options all in all. Be open with her and tell her how you feel about the situation, she's just as scared as you are I'm sure only more so knowingly having it. I hope the best for you both and I'm here to talk if needed.

You need to relax he just explained and it is normal to freak out. Herpes is not a joke and it is not fun for a partner to find out that her/his partner has it. So it is okay that he is searching for information like he explained. It is something a person need to talk to somebody about no matter what and not be judged. So calm down and leave him alone if you do not have anything good to say or have in mind to help. 

I really appreciate your comment for sticking up for us. I am going through the same situation I am the one that has it and my bf is the one being dry and distant. It hurts so much that I am dealing with this alone and not with him. I am happy I found this thread. I know maybe he is in shock but it sucks that he hasn't even asked not even once how I am feeling, it's hard to cry to yourself and have no one. All he cares about is his health which I understand but I agree in 5 months you should know if it's a long run or not. For me it's been 4 months and he said I love you but now with this I feel like he doesn't because of the way he is treating me and I just want some advice if a man is dry with you because of this... is it just best to just leave him or to wait it out?

Amazing amazing post.

I just wanted to say thank you for being so supportive to the women with HSV2.  I'm 60 now, but I founded out that I had HSV2 about 8 years ago,  I was devastated when I founded out, I thought my life was over. After talking with my doctor she told me that so many of the women was testing positive that the actual stopped doing the test unless the patient requested it.  Unfortunately you can have the virus and not know it.  I just wished that people would understand that your still a person even if you have the virus. A lot of people won't take on the responsibility of doing the right thing by telling the new person in their life because they don't want them to not want to be with them sexual and therefore they just keep passing it on to others. It's hard but I have taken the responsibility of what I have and would never be with someone without them knowing.  Thanks again for your support.  

I agree with you BummerKC. It is your right as a human being to consider your options as well as your future. 5 months is not long enough to throw your life away.  REMEMBER... Herpes is forever and if you can go unscathed, then do so.  My one advice to you is trying requesting STI tests prior to sex. Don’t rush... take your time. Mean while. Keep your distance and decide if you want the job or shall I say head ach. 

What feelbroken posted may sound kind of harsh, but it is true. This convo almost never happens if it is cold sores (a.k.a. herpes on your face). There is a double standard and it is really stupid because if you have herpes on your genitals then you are a social pariah, but if you have it on your face then it is ok because the majority of the population has hsv-1 including children and they don't want to admit that a bunch of kids and everybody else is walking around with STDs on their faces. It's time to be real. HSV-1 is herpes. It can be spread to your genitals from your partner's face even if there is no visible outbreak. It is called asymptomatic viral shedding. According to the CDC up to 80% of adults are HSV-1 positive, so good luck with that. HSV-2 is also herpes and is less common but is spread the exact same way. I don't get why a honey-crusted sore on your lip is totally acceptable but then as soon as it spreads to your downstairs you become a social pariah.

I was in the exact same situation as your girlfriend. I told a guy I had been seeing and whom I cared very deeply for that I tested positive for HSV-2. He freaked out and apparently is a germophobe as well. He got tested and, guess what... he had been exposing me to HSV-1 this whole time without telling me! I do not have HSV-1 so should I be freaked out that he is exposing me to his mouth herpes? Most blogs say I should not be worried but then I am an awful person for exposing him to the other kind. It's all BS. I have friends who get big fat nasty cold sores every year that try to share their sodas with me. From my perspective this is as bas as having sex with someone with genital herpes who doesn't tell you.