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Genital Herpes and New Partners

Posted , 2 users are following.

nataliesheiban
nataliesheiban

Hi,

I have recently found out I have genital herpes from a blood test after showing no symptoms but just deciding to have a full STD and STI check at the doctors. To my dismay I found out I have been positive for HSV-2. I was completely distraught and even cried in the doctor's room. 

I am now trying to think about the future and how I am going to manage this. I have just come out of a very serious relationship and I am not sure if I had it this whole time and it was dormant or if I have only recently contracted it. My relationship ended badly and not only am I dealing with the breakup but the knowledge that I now have this disease. 

Can you tell me how I should best approach new relationships from now on? Do I need to tell casual partners as I am dating that I have this disease even if I ensure to use protection? I am worried about sex with partners that may not be very serious but that I may be dating and naturally decide to have sex with. Will I have to tell them or can I use protection and then once I am serious with this person, tell them that I have herpes? 

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • dent
    dent nataliesheiban

    Posted

    I've had HSV2 for a year and a half - I'm weirdly still in the same confused situation as you. I've had casual sexual partners and boyfriends and have never told them. I have always used condoms and been on medication. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 4 months and I'm only just about to tell him. 

    Now everybody on here is right, you should tell anybody you are intimate with before because it should be their choice. I haven't. I think morally it is wrong not to but I don't think it's fair to abuse people who haven't or don't. I could say that I regret not telling my boyfriend and that I wish I had told him right from the beginning but I'd be lying, I wanted to wait, whilst protecting him as much as possible to ensure we were legit and he wasn't going to leave me straight away and shout it down our university halls out of spite. 

    Looking at the statistics: 1/4 or 5 people (depending on various studies) have herpes, 80% of people with herpes don't know they have it, if you get on medication and use condoms there is a 1% chance they will get it, if you only use one (either medication or condoms) that increases to 2%. 

    The only reason I can honestly say that I wish I had told my boyfriend before is the guilt, the guilt of not saying is far worse than what I imagine the outcome will be. I have decided, from reading many magazines and articles, that if my boyfriend leaves me, he chooses not to take a 1 in 100 chance with me. That indicates that I'm not worth a 1% risk, and although I don't think that makes him a bad person if he decides that, I think we all deserve someone that loves us enough not to see us as an STI. 

    I read somewhere a woman saying that her herpes has meant that it helps her with her narrow down the dating process, when she tells them, if they walk then they aren't open minded enough or like her enough to deserve her - I think that's important to remember.

    Again, the correct answer is yes tell everybody but I personally choose to be careful but not tell casual partners.

    • nataliesheiban
      nataliesheiban dent

      Posted

      This has given me a clearer view. I definitely think that this is going to make the dating decision process a lot stronger. I think it will ensure that I reach the right point with someone before I become intimate with them. I am worried about telling people the first time I am intimate with them as I don't believe that so early on, people build the grounds to be able to accept herpes. I feel as though they may feel..well what if it doesn't work out with this girl, will I have herpes? And I don't blame them, because who knows if you will be with this person when you are only dating. It definitely causes me to think I will never have someone accept me. This is only something new that has been dected and I am 25!

      In terms of the medication, do you take it everyday? I was told to take it only if I had an outbreak. 

    • dent
      dent nataliesheiban

      Posted

      I think you have to play along depending on the person, try and figure out where you stand with them. It is definitely easier said than done telling before but I hope if I don't end up with my current boyfriend that the people I tell in the future will know before I am intimate with them. Theres some articles in cosmo which are very helpful in being more outward about the condition.

      I'm 20, so definitely understand being younger it's harder because some aren't looking for the 'one' just yet.

      I take mine twice everyday. Where are you from? It depends on countries. I am in England and they recommend taking a 3 month break to see if you still get outbreaks. I do but if I didn't I would still claim I did just so I got the medication to protect my partner. The most common here in England is acyclovir but I take valacyclovir.

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