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Herpes, pregnant, and my future Hubby doesnt know yet ;(

Posted , 6 users are following.

raquel17765
raquel17765

I was the happiest woman ever at 30 finally found a wonderful man we have been together over 2 years and i recently found out i was pregnant i was super happy still am, its not the babys fault. But i also found out i was positive for Herpes 2.

I want to die!! I know he didnt give it to me because i experinced 3 small sores 3 years ago but never got tested because i tought it happened from rough sex and went away after a week.

no sores in 3 years, did random std checks like normal all fine, but they dont test for herpes.

I feel like hell on earth, finally when im trully happy how do i tell the man that i love i have this thing???

Hes going to leave me, he has trust issues because of padt experiences in relationships and he will think i cheated. I planned not to tell but, the thought of lying to the man i love kills me, so now im willing to tell and let him choose to stay or walk away... i will feel worthless but i have a baby to think about in the other hand im blessed to know my baby will be safe if i take the nessesary precautions and tbat gives me a piece of mind.

1 like, 18 replies

18 Replies

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  • jordan86846
    jordan86846 raquel17765

    Posted

    Has he had any symptoms? My guess is he will have it too seeing as type 2 has more days of viral shedding.. You don't have to have symptoms to pass it.. Is it possible he gave it to you? It's really hard to be 100% sure about when and where it came from in certain situations. I know only because my outbreak came 3 days after exposure from oral sex... And he had a cold sore (nothing major and nothing that made me even think herpes) but I was completely uninformed and unaware of the virus and had absolutely no knowledge on it at all. Now I do... a little too late though. Anyways, those sores in the past could have been an outbreak.. Were they super painful and itchy? Did they ooze? Usually the first outbreak is horrible.. Are you a midst an outbreak right now?
    • raquel17765
      raquel17765 jordan86846

      Posted

      He gets a cold sore in his top lip every once in a while since i meet him and he even tells me ughh i got another fever blister because im stressed at work. But since i didnt think of herpes i didnt really mind it. He tried not to kiss me but some times we still did. I dont recall if he had one while doing oral sex but since it shedds does it need to be present?

      Either way my symptoms happened before i knew him, and his cold sore happens every few months for what i know of him.

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus raquel17765

    Posted

    If this happened before your current partner and is exactly as you describe above (thought it was a simple irritation, nothing since, other STDs clean but HSV not typically included in panel testing, etc.), then sit him down one day soon and tell him just that. You have a very valid explanation, imo.

    Be sure to point out that GH can present in many different ways, both with/without symptoms or recurrences, so you had no reason to expect anything given your one-off mild symptoms.

    Point out the "good" news, too, that at least you now know, so you can protect the baby. Also, there's a chance he may not be infected (he should test), plus you can take measures to reduce transmission if he is negative and concerned.

    • raquel17765
      raquel17765 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Your right im just so sad to think that he might feel like i cheated. He has a huge missed trust problem, and i know he loves me dearly but like i mentioned he might think i betraiyed him. He gets cold sores from time to time every time he stresses and mentions it to me, could he already have it too?
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus raquel17765

      Posted

      If you state what you said above, and emphasise that you never strayed, that this was from before (in hindsight) and you honestly had no idea, and you feel as upset as he probably does, I can't see how he could accuse you of cheating. That would be pretty low of him, if he did!

      Oral cold sores are nearly always caused by HSV-1 (related virus, but not the same), so he may have partial protection against HSV-2, but he could still get it from you, although prior HSV-1 is more likely to cause HSV-2 to be asymptomatic in him, if he gets it.

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      Here's a good read about one woman's experience of informing her partner. Obviously, she's much older and they'd been married for years, but I came across the article and it kinda made me think of you.

      http://m.huffpost.com/ca/entry/7343630

    • raquel17765
      raquel17765 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Thank you!! The story was great, it sucks what happened to her, but she has a great hubby that backed her up. I hope im lucky and he doesnt over react..
    • didin
      didin FelizCastus

      Posted

      What are the measurements to reduce transmission besides condoms?
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus didin

      Posted

      In addition to condoms, avoiding sex during periods of prodrome/outbreak and taking daily antiviral meds for suppressive therapy.
    • didin
      didin FelizCastus

      Posted

      But if I'm not taking daily antiviral meds and I'm not having an outbreak could I still transmitted?
    • KL090192
      KL090192 didin

      Posted

      I'm in the same situation as you. Except I'm not pregnant and I recently told my guy who also has trust issues as well. I'm not sure what he thinks right now but my own fears might be clouding my judgement. Because I feel like he thinks I cheated on him.

      From what I have read you can still transmit the virus even if you don't have an out break because the virus can shed on the upper layers of your skin. But this doesn't mean the virus is constantly shedding, you just won't know when it is shedding on your skin vs having an outbreak and knowing the virus is currently shedding.

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus didin

      Posted

      There is a slim possibility, around 2%. With condoms as well, around 1%. A new infection may increase these odds slightly.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      Oops, misread your question!

      Female to male transmission when prodrome/outbreaks are avoided = 4%

      Above + daily antiviral meds = 2%

      Both of the above + condoms = 1%

      Male to female transmission is a bit higher for all of the above scenarios, and possibly new infections as well (especially within the first 3 months to a year).

    • sweethheart5703
      sweethheart5703 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Felis is the Valtrex considered anti viral for daily use? I only have enough to last me until my appointment Monday. I'm guessing I'll get more of this is what I have. Is that what you use?
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus sweethheart5703

      Posted

      Yes, both valacyclovir (Valtrex) and acyclovir can be used for daily suppressive therapy. I prefer valacyclovir. However, the expert advice for those who are not in a discordant relationship is to stay off the meds for a few months to a year (except for optional episodic therapy for outbreaks) to see how your body copes and how often your outbreaks are, etc., so that's what I intend to do.
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