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How do I support someone who feels guilty over a close family member's death?

Posted , 5 users are following.

oli57267
oli57267

Hello,

The question is:

How do I support someone who feels guilty over a close family member's death?

Today my uncle commited suicide, my Mum was trying to help him feel better after a divorce, although he got to this stage. My Mum tried to help and feels she didn't do enough. I want to know how I can make sure this doesn't become a permanent guilt problem, as I know a life long guilt issue can be devestating and could ruin our family.

Not sure if anyone has advice, thanks for replies in advance.

Oli

2 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • charllee05390
    charllee05390 oli57267

    Posted

    Hello. Im sorry for your loss. The only thing you can do is be there for your mother. Make sure she knows that she did everything she could and it was not her fault. Its hard, but thats the only thing you can do
    • oli57267
      oli57267 charllee05390

      Posted

      hmm, I will try - thank you. She seems to be already better so hopefully it was temporary
    • charllee05390
      charllee05390 oli57267

      Posted

      So do I. I hope that everything works out for your family and you get over this. I have lost family before so i know that you dont truly get over it. God Bless.
  • sarah56507
    sarah56507 oli57267

    Posted

    Sorry for your loss, very sad.

    id say try to collect as much information about the divorce, how bad things were to show her that he did that over the divorce, not her. Maybe he didn't want to face society after the divorce, or fear of not out finding somebody else. I think if you and other family members show her how bad things were before she talked to him, it's going to show her she has nothing to do about that. Or maybe she should see a grieving counseler. I wish you and your family the best.

    • oli57267
      oli57267 sarah56507

      Posted

      Yeah, well the close family got together and supposedly she's already feeling better. Hopefully they'll remove the guilt that they "didn't do enough" from each-other. Thank you for your kind words.

  • betty47942
    betty47942 oli57267

    Posted

    Hi Oli

    What she is going through is 'natural'... and her feelings of guilt because she 'didn't do enough' will come and go from time to time...they won't completely go away...(been through this myself and know of others that have) ...but it gets to the point where its all handable and manageable... That is a promise... If she should continue to worry, you might suggest that she talk with a therapist, short term...(as opposed to a religious figure because then you might have another whole ball game to contend with)... You are a good person, Oli, to show this loving concern. Truly, all will be well... just reassure her that her feelings her 'natural' and will subside...Bless you all.

    • oli57267
      oli57267 betty47942

      Posted

      Thank you for the kind words, I hope the guilt does fade away, but its only a natural thought and I even struggle to sleep at night even though I didn't know about any of the depression he had. I can't imagine what it's like for her rolleyes

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 oli57267

    Posted

    Hi Oli - so sorry to read of your uncles suicide. Something that should be made clear is that if someone really wants to take their own life, there is nothing anyone can do  to stop them. Your Mum did what she could, and she is not responsible for the decision your uncle made. Counselling would be a good idea if Mum does not ease back into her old self again. Take care of yourselves, suicide is a challenging reality in this life.
    • oli57267
      oli57267 wayne1962

      Posted

      I agree, but I can't say that to my Mum. That will probably make it worse, I'll have to just hope she realises that she tried and that is better than nothing.

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