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How I let anxiety ruin my life

Posted , 4 users are following.

rich98378
rich98378

So I've had anxiety issues for 20 yrs . Tried different medications on and off for the last 14 yrs

with varying degrees of success. However I was never offered any type of counselling and instead used avoiding techniques.

It's only in the last year that I've tried to get help with the route of my actual problems. I'm still waiting for cbt etc. But have been using this time to do lots of research.

So by doing this research I've actually become more anxious and more depressed . If only I had done this 20 yrs ago I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in. Thx to the Internet it's now much easier to do research. I know longer go on holiday if it involves flying. I also have relationship issues among many other things.

So if I can give any advice to anyone don't do what I have done. I know I have to now undo the last 20 yrs of my avoidance technique and it's a scary thought.

I'm currently of from work due to and ongoing back injury and after a visit to hospital yesterday I've been informed that I will have to have surgery.

Being self employed tiler I can no longer do my job and most days Im now stuck at home bored. So I've had plenty of time to do research.

Please peolple seek help and try to get to the route of your anxiety....

Wishing you all the best

Rich

2 likes, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • BellaLuna
    BellaLuna rich98378

    Posted

    Excellent post rich and not disilimar to my own story, years ago doctors (certainly my doctors) did little to encourage therapy or the like and relied on medication alone, sadly I have noticed that trend repeating in recent times.

    No doubt medication can be a life safer for many and has it's place but it should never be viewed as the answer, the right therapy and research should be used with it or even instead of it where appropriate.

    The single most important thing an anxiety sufferer can do is to learn the causes of their feelings, it isn't always possible to know what caused you to become an anxious person but it is certainly possible to learn why your heart races and what causes all of the other thoughts and symptoms, it's the best way because through understanding comes freedom from fear.

    Sadly I lacked this for so long and now fear it's too late and I'm just in a helpless habitual rut but I am engaging in my online CBT and just hoping that something will shift in time.

    • rich98378
      rich98378 BellaLuna

      Posted

      Hi Thx for commenting. I feel a bit hypocritical as I have just cancelled a holiday as I've made myself ill worrying about it for the last month. I know I should just book it and go but anxiety grhh.

      I managed 3 days without diazepam but the trip to the hospital yesterday I ended up taking 2.5mg just at the thought of sitting in the waiting room.😣.

      I wish you well with your online cbt please let us know how you get on

      Best wishes Rich

    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna rich98378

      Posted

      Try not to feel too bad about the holiday, sometimes we do need to accept that small steps are required and that we can't tackle it all at once.

      I am not doing everything I usually would be at the moment because I am suffering so badly with the things I am managing to do but the important thing is that we continue to try some things, it's all a step in the right direction.

      Thank you, I have just had a session, it's early days and not much ground has been covered yet but I remain hopeful.

    • jenny99721
      jenny99721 BellaLuna

      Posted

      hi there - I kind of understand the meaning of small/baby steps but how does it work on a day to day basis. I usually do nothing for a while and then other days wear myself out, which pushed me back into isolation. its like someone mentioned about 'letting go'. i kind of understand what it means but would not really know how to do it in practise. Feel i'm droning on a bit, but thanks for your great posts -useful for me as I gt stuck in my own thinking which is not a good thing.
    • michaelall35712
      michaelall35712 jenny99721

      Posted

      you may want to seek counseling if your not.  We can overlook the good things we do, even if they are small.  Try to gain hope in the little things you do.  Learn Mindfulness it teaches self compassion and not being so judgemental toward ourselves.
    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna jenny99721

      Posted

      For me it means doing something every day but only as much as i can manage, push a little but not too hard and do go out of your comfort zone a bit but not too far.

      Today step 1 was leaving my house, okay I struggle with this but accept I must push it every day, then it's usually go to the shop, that is an awful experience at the moment but some days are more intolerable than others.

      If it's very bad I come home, have a cry, try again the next day, if it's bad but manageable I might go and sit in a coffee shop and drink a decaff.

      Today I did those things, I had to push them but I did them, now I feel like in an ideal world I would like to go out again but I honestly feel worn down now and if I do it will wear me down and exhaust me so that is where it stops today.

      It's what you can manage, it's doing things daily but also setting realistic limits, everything feels hard to me at the moment, so my next step is to get through the rest  of the day, have a shower later and then get my head on that pillow tonight.

      Tomorrow will come soon enough, I am worried about it but can't deal with that until it happens, think of it as if you have had the worst flu ever and you are left exhausted from it, no one would tell you not to get up and try something but they would tell you to take it easy,take your time and not push too hard.

       

    • jenny99721
      jenny99721 BellaLuna

      Posted

      Thanks for the explanation B - very useful . i get pretty bad  depression too but it is that long term chronic sort that feels as if it eroding me bit by bit. hope you have a good evening .jen
  • jenny99721
    jenny99721 rich98378

    Posted

    great text. I am 59 soon and recently wandered where my life has gone. Treated for anxiety and panic attacks when my brother died tragically when i was 17 - I seem to have gone from one prescription to the next, and then from anxiety to depression and have had all the pills available probably. I still wander if I had been able to grieve for my early loss without meds or been able to have counselling whether things would have been different. i remember the GP back in Wales putting a large medicine bottle on themantelpiece for the 'davies family and it was full of valium. It feels that after a time I simply was not able to cope without some form of medication, i do not know how much of that was psychological or not.

    Anyway I can relate to the 'avoidance ; i gave up a lot of oppertunities because of my feelings od anxiety and dread sometimes about doing anything new .i have maintained work throughout - but hhave recently been unwell and am not sure whether i want to return.

    By the way I had back surgery in 89 and in 2014 and it worked really well especially the last one as obviosly the techniques they use have improved.

    Good luck with it all jen 

    • rich98378
      rich98378 jenny99721

      Posted

      Hi Jen

      Thx for your comments. My first panic attack was on a plane 20 yrs ago from London to Australia . I was given valium for the return journey . Since then I have had valium every time I fly. Then after a bad time in my life I was given anti depressants and again valium to combat first 4 weeks until they kicked in.

      My fear of flying has just got worse . I'm still on anti depressants but trying to stop the valium. I'm down to 2..5 every 2 to 3 days but it's so hard 😕x

  • jenny99721
    jenny99721 rich98378

    Posted

    Yes from what i have read the valium is a difficult one to come off. its funny that over a period of time i think we associate valium and lorazepam (mine) as the sure way to stop the pain/anxiety. For me it is the 'magic pill' but it ha.

    s meant that I have never learnt fo think differently or to see that there are other ways to deal with things. I am sure that this has stopped some sort of emotional maturity and a feeling of being in the same place all the time. I would like to think that this can change and want to start looking at alternatives)  . I am sorry that you cancelled your holiday? that is a big decision to make. the last one I went on to italy - i had to take lorazepam for the flight and a couple more whilst i was there as i seem to get anxious when i am around new things and people. It takes the edge of the experience though and there is a missing out on something that is starating to irritate me. 

    • rich98378
      rich98378 jenny99721

      Posted

      Hi Jenny.

      Not proud of cancelling the holiday. The anxiety has got the better of me 😕. To be honest I struggle to leave the house most days I think the holiday is just pushing it a bit to far at the moment . Although really in reality it's just setting me back further.

      I was hoping the anti depressants might have kicked in by now . I was added buspirone 25 mg to the mirtazapine that I'm already taking on the 5th Jan.

      The valium is a magic pill. It gives me a brake from myself . But I cut them down to 2.5mg now and try and have a couple of days of in between. But it's so tempting just to stop the constant panic attacks.

      Wishing you the best Rich

  • michaelall35712
    michaelall35712 rich98378

    Posted

    Just keep giving yourself credit that now you are part of the solution to what ills you.  Ignore "If only I had blah blah 20 years ago" that is negative thinking.  Write down your negatives and replace them with truth statements!  Wish you peace of mind!
    • rich98378
      rich98378 michaelall35712

      Posted

      Hi there

      Thx for your comments they are much appreciated . I'm very good at negative thinking 😕 not so good the other way round.

      But I'm trying

      Kind regards Rich

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