I feel like a failure.

you seem a little confused so maybe you should talk to someone about it.

Hello Elyse, 

I am retired and you are at school but I recognise your symptoms for they were mine too. I was in the queue for therapy but things got steadily worse and worse until it was very dangerous indeed. I then got primary Talking Therapy and Secondary medication therapy simultaneously. The medication kept me safe and after ten Talking Therapy sessions the depression and anxiety were fully controlled.

I understand from your note that you are not receiving any therapy. I would recommend that you are very clear with your GP how you feel and that it is only your responsibility to the people you care about that keeps you persevering through this difficult time. I do hope you will seek professional help without delay. Depression is an illness and not just a mood; the mood is a simptom.

I wish you all the best. The present low mood is a temporary condition; the future can be good and happy. 

Do you see a counselor? I felt that way when I first moved away from home to begin working in the military. It was a huge transition because I was also deploying within months of arriving at my first duty station. I was so anxious and depressed that I no longer had the ability to feel emotion like my mind was moving a million miles an hour or something but my perception of reality was numbed but I was functioning fine on the outside. I could run 10 miles and not feel a thing which is not normal because I usually only ran 6 miles back then and I'd usually be at a good level of fatigue at the end.

I felt so desperate to feel than be numb so I saw a counselor and I also saw a nutritionist. I'm not into medication if I can help it so my nutritionist gave me supplements to help my body out and I saw a counselor who helped me with CBT.

I am curious if you are currently on meds.  You didn't mention that you were.  Have you tried any therapy?  There's tons of self help online.  Do a web search for CBT self help.  The main thing is that you recognize the problem and have a desire to do something about it.  It will take some effort to find the right thing that will work for you, but you just need to keep trying and be willing to do the work.  

Our thinking leads to our distress, but guess what?  We aren't slaves to our thoughts; they do not run us, though it may seem like it.  We can choose what thoughts to have.  When you find yourself starting a negative thought train, stop and notice it.  Take three deep breathes, focusing on the sensation of the fall and rise of the belly.  Feel your presence.  This is Mindfulness, and it is a very powerful yet simple way to interupt and diffuse depressive thoughts.  Guided meditations are very good as well.  Do a web search on all of these and you will find all kinds of helpful sources.  You are in charge :-)