I have a lot of guilt, and I am hopeless.
Posted , 8 users are following.
OK, this is my story. I am so sad as I type this I am crying. I went two years ago too go get help too make me a better person, I went through therapy, and seen a psychiatrist, and be for I seen the psychiatrist, I was seeing a psychiatric nurse, and I said meds are the last resort, well she had prescribed so many meds, but they did not work, and felt that she was at the end of her rope, so I mentioned it to my psychologist, and she had recommend this psychiatrist, so I have been seeing him for a year, and he had prescribed risperidol, and it worked for a while, then stopped, so I got off the med, and three months later the med altered me in a horrible way, I was getting suicidal thoughts, and got too the point were it was letting me sleep one hour a day and I feel it gave me akathesia. I blame myself every day for going too get help, I am so depressed I lost my personality, and smile. I feel I failed myself it even got to the point that I had too admit myself too the hospital for two weeks they found a plan that worked, and three months later it stopped working once again.I can't get off the clanozapam, or the serqual that's the only thing that makes me sleep, if I get off I won't sleep for months. Everything that use too work won't work at all anymore. :'( and I am only 33 I feel like I will be like this permanently.
3 likes, 15 replies
richard89308 heidivr61
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Anyway hopefully if you get yourself on the right track with the meds then things will improve and it sounds like you have an ok balance of what you are taking. I am 51 and have had medication since 17 so it does go on but in some cases you just get better.
rich
heidivr61 richard89308
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heidivr61
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laura08496 heidivr61
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heidivr61 laura08496
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lynne82155 heidivr61
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Go back and see your doctor see if there is another AD he can out you on and continue with the therapy.
I have lived with depression for 16 years some good and lots of bad but even though I sometimes dont want to get out of bed I try to see the positive in things.
Try and talk to your family and friends about stuff.
This forim is excellent for support
jasmine7817 heidivr61
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heidivr61 jasmine7817
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laura11452 heidivr61
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Once I read your post I had to respond.. My heart truly goes out to you as deppression can be very debilitating. I have had it off and on for years and there are times I feel there is no end to it. This has been my longest and its coming up to nearly two years now. I have been happy before and those are the times I hold on to because when I was depressed before I never ever felt I could get better but I did. I have days now that I have the odd day I have laughed or smiled and those are the moments I know the real me is still in there.
The fact the medication stops working for you is not your fault. This is what medication does when its in your system too long. My anti depressant has been changed three times this last year because it is not working.. I know this has nothing to do with me.
I don't feel you have failed yourself going for help. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and deppression has a way of making you feel that your weak..If anything the strongest people get depressed because they are very good at supporting everyone else but themselves. If you where not depressed at the minute you know deep down you wouldnt be thinking so negatively of yourself.
Why at this minute in time do you feel the need to come off clanozapam and seroquel if it is helping you to sleep?
I can remeber saying to my mental health nurse loads of times that I can't beleive I am so depressed and why is it taking so long to get better. Now I try to not be to hard on myself as I have no control over it and Iam doing everything I can like yourself to get better.
Do you have days better than others? Have you laughed or smiled at all since you have been depressed? These are the small things I hang on to even if they are not that often as it lets me know things will get better. Big hug
heidivr61 laura11452
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laura11452 heidivr61
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Sam24259 heidivr61
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Stay strong.
Mutley heidivr61
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I have no answer for you but I have read about the drug your taking, side effects and wonder how bad it was for you that they were prescribed in the first place. I suffer from depression and sometimes suicidal thoughts. I was under the mental health and they prescribed me something similar to this but I only took them for a short time as they elevated my liver, i was on a cocktail of drugs at the time for all sorts of problems. My depression really spirraled out of control whilst taking medication, it was the worst time of my life. I was taking valium, sleeping pills, ant depressants, stuff to slow your heart down, stuff to stop my stomach from ulcerating, I can't remember what else they threw at me but the last drug that i was prescribed from my psychiatrist was the worst, I ended up driving in the middle of the road and pulled over by the police. It was awful, that day I made the decision to stop all drugs, it took me months, and months but each day the clouds of dispair cleared, I am left with taking Zopiclone to help me sleep and ant acids and stuff for gyni problems. I still get days where I get really down and I want to throw a rope over the beam and I can't take any stress. I have no one to talk to about my problems and haven't really wanted to admit to my friends how bad it is for me at times but I cant tell you how much better I feel not on meds, I have more control over my mind and when I have really bad days I can deal with them better. When I was coming off the pills i would have these attacks of severe anxiety like nothing you have experienced before and its really really awful, like intense fear, sheer panick, uncontrollable sobbing and this awful feeling that its not going to stop, sometimes it lasted for days and then other times it was only one day until that level of intense anxiety stopped compleetly. I seem to handle things so much better and am glad I went through it, I did this alone without support and locked myself away. I would say that my anxiety is still highat time but it only comes on when someone or something affects me. The depression is always sitting in the background but its under control. Everyone is different, i dont know what your depression is really like to advise you to do the same. But I do want to get out of bed and I do want to have a life, my problem came from health issues. Maybe a lot different to you. I stayed on Zopiclone to help me sleep, this i still really struggle with sleep but I would say I am better than I was a year ago. I am thinking of opening up my own business, simply becaue I can take time off when I need to for those dark days. 5 years ago I didn't know how to exist.
NooNooHead1981 Mutley
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I was prescribed Valium, Zopiclone, melatonin etc and all didn't work for insomnia... This was after a period of really intense anxiety and insomnia last year after a mild traumatic brain injury / post concussion syndrome - all of which culminated in me being prescribed a first generation anti-psychotic for a week, by my GP out of desperation to help me. It left me with the movement disorder tardive dyskinesia (after just ONE WEEK!)
Nobody should have to go through what we do, and anxiety and depression are dreadful things. The only med that helped my insomnia and anxiety was Citalopram but even now I'm almost off it I don't know what i'll be like in a month's time. Sleep deprivation for nearly 2 months nearly killed me and is dire, but a movement disorder is equally evil. Both are soul destroying and I am depressed at what had happened, but life goes on...
heidivr61 NooNooHead1981
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