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I have no idea anymore. (or ever)

Posted , 3 users are following.

sydneyh
sydneyh

I do not even know where to begin. I am seventeen years old, and a senior in higschool. For quite sometime I have been struggling with just being. I am very confused and empty inside. I feel crazy almost. Maybe I am just going through a "teen" thing, and it is normal to feel confused and uncertain about life at my age. But this just does not feel right. I am just going day by day, hoping something within me will change, or maybe I will stop feeling so unporposeful. I cannot describe how I am feeling, as I myself do not know. I am in a state of being alive, without feeling alive. I do not want to die necessarily, but I do not know how much longer I can feel this way. Inside my head I am screaming with frusteration to try and understand anything, while on the outside I remain still, and feel numb. I just do not feel like doing anything, anymore. I continue to go to school, and work to prepare for life after highschool- incase I do end up feeling better, but it feels like a lost cause. I wish i could describe what I am feeling, but as I said I do not know. There is nothing that I care about, which concerns me. I just am nothing, I am here, but I am nothing. There are just too many uncertaintities in my life. I do not feel right. I am just tired of it all, I feel nothing, but I feel too much. I do not know what to do with myself, so I just keep going, and waiting for something to happen to me.

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • justbeingme2
    justbeingme2 sydneyh

    Posted

    Sydney, I am sorry that you feel this way and I feel the exact same way! I just exist. I am a functioning nothing. I go to school in case one day I wake up and feel alive! I go through the motions every day. Although I won't hurt myself, I sometimes am disappointed I wake up the next morning. I am empty, feel alone while surrounded by people and lost as to what is going on with me and will I ever be alive again. I feel numb constantly but smile on the outside while feeling trapped on the inside. You are young and I hope this is just a temporary thing for you. Have you spoken to your parents about how you feel? I recommend seeing your gp and telling them exactly what you are going through. I have done that and going through trial and error on medication to find the right one along with therapy. However, you are not alone. I just want a healthy, happy me back! Until then, I will continue to work with my doctor and therapist and continue to go through the motions. Yes, I know how you feel...I am living the same way but we just can't give up on trying to find our happiness back! I wish you the best!
  • carole28488
    carole28488 sydneyh

    Posted

    Sydneyh:  Sweetie, I'm not a teenager...I am 67 yrs. old, however, I have spent a lot of years feeling just like you, and that does include my teenage years.  It sounds like you have clinical depression, which is a lot easier to treat than back in my day....Please, I urge you to go to a very understand psychiatrist or physician who specializes in this very thing.  You are so young...please don't waste a beautiful life.  You probably need to get on some mild antidepressants to boost your serotonin levels...I finally got my life straightened out, with just a few bouts of depression and low self esteen from time to time, but I wasted so many good years, and possibly a great career.  Tell your doctor, or just make a copy of your post and let them read it.  It was very well stated, and they will understand that the problem most likely is coming from your chemical imbalance...Good luck, and keep the faith for a complete healing.....HUGS...xxxx
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