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I just want to die

Posted , 11 users are following.

anastasia1998
anastasia1998

I'm 16 and I'm so unhappy, I have ocd, depression and anxiety, I feel that life is way too long and I am sick to death of feeling suicidal, I told myself that if my depression doesn't go in half a year im going to kill myself, I don't see the point anymore, my life is just going downhill anyway, no ones helping me, even though they try, I know that I'll be happier on the other side, I can't wait till im old so I'll die soon, what did I do to deserve to feel this way? And I know that depression can be genetic, so I freak out about being older and having kids and my kids feeling the way I do now. My mum is my bestfriend, she thinks that I don't want to die anymore, she doesn't worry about me anymore but I'm so close to committing suicide but I just can't be bothered, I really can't explain how I feel, I feel dead inside, I wish I was dead but I don't know how to kill myself, I've been to hospital many times for taking overdoses and I've tried strangling, drowning and cutting myself, but nothing works?! Or maybe im just not trying hard enough:'( 

1 like, 30 replies

30 Replies

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  • marshall71
    marshall71 anastasia1998

    Posted

    My brother took his own life 7 years ago and I still can't cope or take in it its there every single day 'why' it's ripped my family apart I no longer speak to my other brother as my mother and I was not told that he tried to kill himself 2 times before he did it my brother said 'what's it got to do with you mother ' ? 

    It broke my marriage up trying to cope with it my ex wife had enough and she kick me out I lost my house too.

    I know how you feel I do sometimes feel what's the point anymore ? But hurting other people stopped me every time I live with chronic pain which gets me down I have enough painkillers to do it but I never will. 

    • anastasia1998
      anastasia1998 marshall71

      Posted

       I'm so sorry to hear is, it makes me think about what I would put my family through, and I don't want to hurt them, I'd rather be here and be unhappy and them be happy, I just don't see a light at the tunnel, my mum is such an amazing women, she's so supportive, I go to Cahms but I hate waiting for appointments, but other people need to be seen so i understand why I have to wait so long, I used to take Prozac but it just made things worse, I just want a new medication and therapy, I just want my old life back, but people change and things happen, but if I was happy then I'm sure I can be happy in the future, everything's just so hard right now, it has been for a while, I just want happiness and happy thoughts. Thankyou everyone, it's nice to know that even strangers care! I have a few positive things, I go to college and I am happy there, I study beauty therapy and want to be a makeup artist when I'm older, I have a loving family and great friends!  It's just my thoughts that is the problem! I'm just going to stick it through like everyday x
    • marshall71
      marshall71 anastasia1998

      Posted

      We found out he was taking prozac from the police when they called it was such a mess I was numb I thought it was all a dream and I would wake up from it.

      I'm glad you have talked on here said what you want to do with your life if I can help one person I feel so much better with myself I'm been down before maybe all my life as depression is in the family my mother has it and I watched her suffering as a young child.

      Your young your whole life is in front of you I say to myself it won't beat me I won't let it 

      It not easy nothing is in this world we are all here for a short time.

      It's coming up to Christmas and I really don't like it any more my father died 13 years ago I also watched him suffering in the hospital then he died at home.

      Stay strong x 

    • anastasia1998
      anastasia1998 marshall71

      Posted

      I am deeply sorry,  mental health and body illnesses are really evil, I'm lucky, I still have my mum and dad, and sisters and brother, I never want to leave them all behind because they'd be crushed, my mum, my sister and my brother all suffer from mental illnesses, but because there much older they know how to control it and deal with it, but I dontrolleyes Thankyou x
    • rick45941
      rick45941 marshall71

      Posted

      Hurting other people is my main concern too. It's so complicated. I just want to be leave this planet. There are so many judgemental people.i feel I will let my loved ones down, but they are the ones most judgemental . I'm a musician and painter but with a lot of social life..ie: girlfriend many v hotrods and , pay all my bills etc. But I vhate myself. Ive tried to many pills to help..they just b make me a zombie.

    • oli57267
      oli57267 rick45941

      Posted

      Hey Rick,

      My best advice to you, which isn't like the other advice you'll be given is to set yourself goals. Things that you want to achieve in life, then write these down and look at them everyday. I felt the reason I was depressed was because I wasn't getting anywhere. I feel if you write down your life goals, or even goals in the near future it will help you out a lot. You will have a path and a journey of success you're ready to take. You know what you want, and you have a path leading to it. 

      For example, you might want to go to the gym and bulk up. Anything like this, will help you tremendously in my opinion. Knowing that you're moving forward, and not backwards will be a great help. It gives you something to work towards, and I think having forfillment and achieving something is a good way to remove this barrier that depression creates.

      Also write a list of everything amazing you've achieved in your life. Whether you were clever, good at sport, great at music, incredible at art, or whatever else you're great at write them down and read this over EVERY day (along with your future goals).

      I think doing this will really help. Feeling you have grinded to a halt, at least in my opinion, is what can cause depression in people (such as what I've had in the past). Hope this can help you, it isn't mainstream advice but certainly works when you feel your life isn't going anywhere.

    • rick45941
      rick45941 oli57267

      Posted

      Thank you. I made it through a very rough night. I do appreciate your advice and this site and a bunch of strangers with non judgemental kindness helped me see another day. I actually am an artist and musician, but my goals I achieve always seem unimportant too me. But my problems are not anyone elses. Im just very thankful that you all were there for a stranger that was, is distraught.
    • oli57267
      oli57267 rick45941

      Posted

      Alright, well if current goals seem unimportant then find something that you will find important. Something that you can work towards, and that will keep you going KNOWING that you are moving forward in life. I can't tell you what this is, as it depends what you enjoy, and what your passions are. Although, I think if you can find something to work towards in your life, whether its a fitness goal, improvement at a hobby, or something similar I think you'll see the bright light in the end of the tunnel. If you write your goal that you find out down, and write your previous successes and keep re-reading them sub-conciously you will begin to feel happier - knowing you are moving forward and improving as well as you've been a real success already.

      Hope that helps.

  • celtics
    celtics anastasia1998

    Posted

    Anasatasia  please get some help your to young to die depression,anxiety and ocd are hard i know ive been there the suicidal thoughts are the worst bit about it ! I would beg you to please go to your doctor  make the first step theyre there to help you  have you.tried the samaritans they will not judge you and can point you in the right direction ! You would leave behind friends and family  who would always wonder why ! I was told to look at those around me especially my partner amd think they.would feel ! As ive said before please get help. Please let me know.how you are take care ! 
    • simon84964
      simon84964 celtics

      Posted

      Anastasia ....it is one thing to appeal to strangers who will love you for who you are and it is another to be who you are and be something that for once in your life you must be.......there will be a pint where you decide what it is you want and then it is your chance to live it.....but for yourself.........no one can help you break out of the prison you live in but you......but there is a life for you here with us....with our world....you just have to find it....sorry I can't give you anything more concrete smile x
  • jennifee72369
    jennifee72369 anastasia1998

    Posted

    If your attempts have not worked its not meant to be I know it's hard as I am struggling while writing this but it's gonna be ok just seek help please 
  • UK-Ven-medicate
    UK-Ven-medicate anastasia1998

    Posted

    Hi Anastasia,

    I am sorry to hear about your challenges with OCD, Depression and anxiety. Just for one moment  think about these things as separate things to work and overcome or control. The trick is to try to take small stable steps and at 16 you have so much more to give.

    Your at 16 shouldn't be worrying about having children, and looking at what it is you want to do that makes you happy. when we are severely depressed this is hard as i an many of the people on here know how it feels, and we also know that you can as Dave Gorman says try to make like "a little more goodish", perhaps not perfect but then perfection has its own problems.

    At 16 you need to confide in your boyfriend or some one that you really trust. rememeber as well when you feel low there are other on here you can talk to , there is your GP, there is even A & E if need be. I feel so osrry for you as you are obviously worried about your Mum and her feeling about, how you feeling.

    Depression for me has meant I got divorced, I miss my kids, I lost my job ( i am now self employed ) as well as having a disability. I treat all four issue in what I call 4 boxes, and I literally have boxes or files that just deal with that issue, no 2 issue cross paths, one at a time always.

    Try syphoning your challenges off and only dealing with them separately rather than trying to sort everything on one go , which will mean more stress which in turn will make all your challenges harder.

    • anastasia1998
      anastasia1998 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      Thankyou Jimmy, I'm sorry to hear about your familyrolleyes I don't have a boyfriend but I have an ex boyfriend who I am good friends with and he helps me out a lot, things have just got too much to deal with but I just get on with it because I know that this feeling will not last forever, and the way I feel will not get any worse, I can only get better from now on x
    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate anastasia1998

      Posted

      Your ex boyfriend is a perfect person maybe as he knows things about you. You may feel you have lots on but with some organisation and dealing with things one at a time it does get better.

      I do know sometime thou it can be hard and this week been one of those weeks where I have had 4 different challenges to deall with and I have felt at times like I'm in melt down and while sorting one problem another seems to be getting worse.

       

    • anastasia1998
      anastasia1998 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      Yeah, everyday is really hard, but I got some good news today, I'm student of the month at college which made me very happy and I got my braces off so today's been a great day:-) 
    • marshall71
      marshall71 anastasia1998

      Posted

      There you go well done you that's some great news hope you feel really proud of yourself

      Really happy for you 

    • UK-Ven-medicate
      UK-Ven-medicate anastasia1998

      Posted

      See there are good things in life. You must be really great to have acheived the accolade. I bet with braces off too you feel so much happier. Look out world her comes Anastasia.

      xxx

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