I'm having such a hard time with this!!!!

Thanks for commenting it gives me hopes. One second I'm like I got this and the next second I'm like omg I'm gonna die.

You are very new to all this. It is so difficult at the begining of this. I promise you as you learn more about it and live with it it doesnt stay in this acute phase of torture. Just watch the meds and how you feel ok. Some do cause depression and it can always be switched if needed. You actually cant ignore a panic attack but you will eventually learn to surrender to it. You will even find it annoying and become angry. Most importantly never feed it. It the body reacting to your mind sensing you are danger and triggering off adrenaline and a whole lot of weird stuff hapoens during that. The actual cycle last 10-15 minutes long and will stop the rush but if you feed into it at all woth any thoughts about it or fear it it can recycle. So catch it, surrender to it if its a oanic attack and let it ride out knowing its basically am adrenaline rush and it will pass. The part with the thoughts you have to learn about. Thoughts are suppose to be accepted by you as just Thoughts , not facts, not a big deal when you start running with every thought and negative i out you loose to the anxiety. Each time you feed into it it programs you to be like this. The true answer here would be to surrender to it. Not ignore, not feed into it, surrender to it, you ever get into a water fight with water guns with your friends? You know how there those times when one oerson just goes over board and keeps shooting water at all so much you cant even shoot back so you huddle up or lay there and think its whatever and let the person just keep soaking you over and over till his water gun runs out of water. Its like that. Thats a panic attack and the water is adrenaline and you need to learn to dismantle the thoughts before it triggers or surrender to it it will run out of adrenaline juice. You keep hope, it will calm itself down and you will not wish it away you will getbtherapy and cbt and work it away to a mangeabke oevel. Right now you are adjusting to the meds too so hang in there. You wont die..and in time you will be able to say you got this most of the time. Be there for yourself..you need you. 

Thanks so much I really needed that I appreciate all this advice so much

One of the best repies I have ever read. Everyone with anxiety should get to read this gem. Bravo , Lisa.

Lisa, you did such a great job explaining this with such structure and compassion. I'm sure that you put this individual on a good path to recovery. This is by far one of the best responses Ive ever read. You should be a counselor if not one already. You're an angel in disguise and a pro at helping others. I thank you for helping others. Two thumbs up- Kudos to you! 

Omg HOW do I surrender to it?????? It makes me crazy!!! I know it's a panic attack I know it's adrenaline I know I'm not crazy I tell myself it won't last....but sometimes I can't shake it all day....one of my fears is taking medication so I don't want to take any or I should say I'm afraid to take any...ugh!!!!!! I want to get over this !!!!! Sorry I'm so done with the ridiculous way I live because of panic!!!

Thank you very much.

How do you surrender to it? Just accept that as least for now, it is a part of you and your life. That which we resist gains strength, That which we accept can be dealt with, can be changed. This is not a beast in your closet, it is more like a previously unknown relative moving in...we make adjustments.This relative may be with you for a short while, or for the long haul...either way...accept that this is now in your life. This acceptance will give you a new control over your life and decisions. You won't feel like a victim anymore. You will realize you have choices, and to make those choices more wisely.

Instead of raging against it, accept it....now you begin to take your life back, darling Kangel.

It just dawned in me..do you know what to surrender means? I bet you just said yea i do it means to give up. NOOO. Thats a victims answer. It means to LET GO ..let go of any and all emotional and physical attactchment to what is happening, to the panic attack.  Knowledge is vital you must understand the science behind it..utube can show you that. Then if you havent learnt to catch it before it triggers and that takes a ton if awareness and therapy and cbt and practice and sometimes prayer haha..and it get that swarm of terror rip thru you. Right at that moment apply midnfullness breathing go on utube and learn it takes thirty minutes to learn. This tool enables you to surrender to it. You will be be doing breathing slow, rythmic belly breating with NO attachment to the adrenaline rush. Its not in your control anyway. You will have no attactchment at all to it..none. Let go of any thiughts about it. Let go of any "feelings" involved. Accept what it is. Your not dying. Not ignoring it you are doing breathing. No emotional attatchment either no feeling in your feelings or what you feel. That all feeds it. Thats how you sureender to it..no attactchment emotional or physically.  It will save you a lot of sanity and soul discomfort.  You are not to ever define yourself based on an emotional of what you feel okay. Thats foolish. We all know this sucks to live with but there are ways to manage it most of the time. I hooe i have heloed you and gave you some pointers. Get the cbt workbook on line its always a good tool to have and use.

It went to moderation. Ugh..I think i didnt realize you might not know the definition of surrender. It means to LET GO of any and all attatchment..emotionally and physically to the actual panic attack happening. Learn mindful breathing off of utube. Uses your belly. Fantastic tool to escape whilst you are surrendering.

Thank you...it's been the long haul...35 years now....I'm tired of the fight...I have tried surrendering reasoning ignoring breathing etc etc it just never ends I might have one great day out of 20! I long to have two good days in a row I don't give into the panic but it really stresses me out...I have had two heart attacks in 4 1/2 years so it's difficult to decipher what's real and what's anxiety and panic....I guess I just say screw it and live with it and hope no one notices!! ??

You say, and rightly so, that you are tired of the fight. So, stop fighting!! Re read what I wrote before.  I was dead serious. After all these years, you see that it is not going anywhere, so, "fix up the guest room." It may sound silly, but I have dealt with people with many problems over the years that I was a counselor, some of them terminal. All had one thing in common....There is a point when the body and the mind and the emotions and even the spirit want one thing....peace. So put your dukes down. This is not your enemy, it is a condition.

Right now I am in stage four cirrhossis. Could be fatal, new meds could help. I just accept that it is there, and have decided to have a life. This and now anxiety. Some people might say poor Cia, but not I !!!!!I refuse to say poor Cia. I have no problem looking around me and seeing others in much worse circumstances.

Kangel, what i want you to do is this...take that indomitable spirit out and share it...here... with others who are new to anxiety, children who are terrified and who's parents don't understand what anxiety is, the mother of two children who's husband tells her to cut the crap and get dinner on the table, the retired Marine who thinks he is weak and his life as such is over.

Somebody needs you Kangel, and those somebodies are right here!!! They need your experience, your compassion, your understanding and assurance that they are not going crazy or going to die, or be outcasts forever. They need you...we need you.

Coming here saved me. I learned and am still learning. More importantly, I now reply, boost, encourage and love these people. I really hope you hear me, Honey. It will give you purpose and more important....peace. 

Sending a huge, sloppy kiss on the cheek. Remember to find things to laugh about.

It's interesting that you say, How do I surrender to it? It makes me crazy! I know it's panic. I know it's adrenalin. I know I'm not crazy. I know it won't last.

All those statements tell me you're adding panic to panic. Fear heaped upon fear. Yor mind desperately trying to reassure yourself. Hoping to "escape" your thoughts and feelings.

Do you see that? Do you see you're going about it the wrong way through fighting?

Don't feel hopeless. Don't feel helpless. We\all have to go through the "learning" experience. There comes a time when the lightbulb goes on in your head and you "get " it and are able to cope and move forward.

There's been some awesome advice here. read it over and over. Let it sink in and reassure you

You'll get there.

Thank you from the whole being that I am....I don't have a guest room so I guess we are sleeping together as it's been for so many years! Prayers for your health and all of the world! I can see that this is a place of understanding for those around me do not get it. It's so hard to explain to all around me why I don't want to do this or that or why I can't go on a trip etc...I do push myself to do things most of the time for fear of aggoraphobia setting in..I think the only thing I do have left is my sense of humor and maybe that's why people don't understand this condition....I can disguise it pretty well except for the going out and being social thing . So I will continue on I do find that staying very busy with chores helps me forget my aches and pains and weird head dog, so that's what I do every day....gotta a really clean house!!! Thanks again for your support??

Thank you for your reply...I guess I'm not sure what I should do then..can't stop the thoughts from happening then the physical ailments follow....it's why I don't drive anymore..I can't concentrate on the driving and afraid I will hurt someone so I just don't go anywhere outside a one mile radius..No one understands it ..my friends don't bother with me anymore because I blow off pretty much any event that's not within 15 minutes of my home or anything that involves me driving! So I keep asking..how do I surrender? I thought that I have done and said it a million times but I don't seem to be putting this beast to rest....I'm sorry I'm all over the board here...another issue I have lol??????

Oh thank you!! I do deep belly breathing it does help...but I will YouTube it and give it a go!! One of my biggest issues is driving lol...so maybe I can do this before I start the car. Or just pull over if it happens while I'm driving ...kind of difficult to explain to my passengers though lol..just feel like a prisoner to this condition and I get angry at it when I know I shouldn't..it's tough to go from a strong outgoing individual to such a well for lack of a better word...woosey girl!! Lol gotta laugh right? Thank s again!??

 How do you surrender? Do nothing! Don't fight it. Don't avoid it. Don't try to avoid it.

None of that works anyway. It just reinforces it. It makes us desperate to escape.

Acceptance is surrendering. It's not fighting but making an effort. I feel like crap but I'm going to.....then doing something, anything, quietly, calmly as you can. Using correct breathing techniques ( do you know them?)  Letting your shoulders drop cos they're probably hovering near your ears, right?

Wanting to be near the "safety " of home is the first step towards agoraphobia. Never give in to the desire to run home. Always assure yourself, always remember that you carry your symptoms inside of you. It's nothing to do with where you are. It's just easier to deal with in the privacy of your own home. But that is the trap of agoraphobia and agoraphobia is hell to overcome

Friends. That's another issue. They don't understand nor do they have the patience to try. Never mind. At this moment in time you have to be selfish. This is all about you and what is best for you.

Never feel lonely

Never feel helpless

Never feel the door to recovery is slammed shut

We understand. We know what it feels like. We are all there for you.

 

Most people love and get a kick out of eccentrics, people who aren't afraid to live or show their uniqueness. . You are in your new normal. Don't try to be like others, or need their approval. My family is loaded with eccentrics, and I do mean loaded.

No one is surpised anymore when I just go home during a family event, with no explanation or when my niece decides to shout out a four letter word during a family dinner, and just keeps on eating, as do we all. or a nephew who builds a skateboard ramp from his second floor balcony down into the living room. Trust me, I could go on and on and on. We just all accept each other's eccentricities, and too bad if we don't...we are the losers. Oh, that's just Aunt Cia, Oh, that's just Heather, Oh that's just John John.

We can't keep creeping through life hoping no one notices that we are different. Think of the great people, the geat comedians, the great actors, etc. We love them because they are different and joyful in it.

One of my sisters has been dealing with anxiety her whole life. About ten years ago we spent two weeks together and I bagan to tell her about eccentricities and the ones I and others loved about her. She had never looked at herself as anything being positive. After that time and a few month of talking on the phone about this....she got it, and began to play to her oddities. I've never seen her so free, and people just love her.I love to talk to her, if it's a day she decides to answer the phone.

We are all unique beings, as unique as snowflakes..no two alike. We are brought up to fit in, do what's expected, fulfill other's dreams for us. So...we have no idea who we really are. In a term of the 60's Let It All Hang Out!!! You are you, now you get to experience yourself, probably for the first time in your life. Report cards in school used to have listed with math, geography, etc.   conformity, which means behaving in a manner like everyone else. How disgustingly  boring is that????? I don't think I remember ever getting a good mark there.

I think it is possible that some of our anxiety issues come from trying to be what we aren't....for years and years and years. I no longer care one whit what anyone thinks of me or my behavior. Took awhile, but I got here. I compare myself to no one, not even the prson I was yesterday. None of this means I don't have tough days...we all do, but they are nowhere the cliffhangers they used to be before an AHA moment.

This may be a new way of thinging about yourself....worth pondering??

Oh my gosh cia laughing I'm cracking up here actuly having a pretty good day keeping busy reading this forum what got me smiling was thinking about how well I did in school EXCEPT teachers comments on EVERY report card ALL 4 TERMS EVERY YEAR! Karen is a wonderful l student. If she could just curb her talking !!! Lol apparently in ever the shut up!!! Thanks for the laugh...loves!!

Well done Cia! Remarkable post and very enlightening.

I went to a private school so there was no escaping the eagle eye  of any teacher. No chance of getting "lost" in the crowd when there's only  9 in a classroom at any given time, lol I would stare out of the windows and stare out at the countryside, allowing my imagination run free...to this day I cean hear the ringing tones of the teacher as she sternly cried, loudly, "Helen! Pay attentiion! You wilful child!"

I never did pay attention

I was forever wilful.

"You will never amount to anything Helen! Do you hear me? "

No, I didn't hear her.

I became a successful short story writer, I don't call that not amounting to anything.

I was always different. Never one of the sheep. Curled up with a book as a child.Always shy.

But...the biggest lesson I learned in life was to stop trying to be like others, to please myself instead of trying to please others. Just be myself. That's the path to true contentment

 

Curb your talking? The very notion! Talking, next to shopping, is what we do best!

I think part of my reply to Helen was meant for you....the part about what I would have done with you  and your loving to talk. I'm surprised I don't make more of these goofs...oh well, we are all here together, and all benefit from every communication.

Good for you, Helen. I find it very interesting how many eccentric types were tossed our or quit school and went on to change the world.

If you had been a student of mine and words kept pouring out of you, I would have steered you to writing or some sort of public speaking career. i was, and still am a talker. I loved being on radio and conducting seminars. Mom loved words and as first child Igot the attention she would not have that time for as the next ones came along. She taught me to read by five. What a blessing...words, words, words.

Where do you publish? What kind of stories? I am not a good story writer, but was very good at newspaper columns.

My Dad taught me to read when I was about 4. He was an avid reader and instilled in me a love of words.and an outrageous sense of humour and I thank him for both and I miss him enormously

I write "life " stories, albeit fiction, and the odd serial. I don't do soppy love stories as such, not my thing. I like to write about "real" people even though they are figments of my imagination, in situations that people can relate to. The intent is to make people cry one minute and laugh the next and always, always "see" themselves in the story.

All my life I have people watched and draw much material from them.

I admire the fact that you are good at newspaper columns. I don't have that kind of discipline required. Much of my time is spent editing my work into a manageable tome, lol, before forwarding it to my publisher

I do have a tendency to write 7.000 words for a slot that requires 5.000 max

I can see why you spend so much time editing. I always read over my replies here, not so much about what's written, but because of my typing. The one I enjoyed the most, was writing....resluts. Once i got through having a laughing fit, I corrected it...only to find I had written it again. I am now leary of the work results....or resluts in my vernacular.

Re-sluts? Re...sluts?  Is that concerning sluts? Now that's a another story LOL

Aw Cia, you always, always make me roar with laughter, bless you

not that I know anything about sluts, I hasten to add!

Just trying to do my bit, dontcha know?