I've been depressed for a while and need to talk to someone.

Thanks, I guess it'sbest to start from the beginning. When I was born I was born with cerebral palsy, which is basically a birth defect that makes the body not function right. I was born with it in my legs so I always fall, walk with a bad limp, and can't make my legs straight.  I was usually made fun of because of it and given bad names too. Next, my parents never got along and divorced when I was 4 and I still remember that day. My dad was in his office and my mom tried to attack him with a knife and I heard her scream due to him pinning her down and I crawled there to see an image of blood coming off my dad and her screaming, which is my first memory. They separated and she won most custody. Till the age of 10 my mom lied to me and told me my dad was evil and I believed her till then. She began to drink a lot and used the child support money ($2,000 a month) on vodka and was unemployed. She even tried to get me to drink some at 12. At age 14 on Christmas, I finally had enough and cried to God to help me and asked my dad to save me. So I moved out and lived with my dad. The following fall I changed schools and basically lost all my friends because God wanted me to which ended up being good for me. My mom also died that fall from alcohol intoxication, but I didn't bother me much because she wasn't the person I knew and I knew she was going to anyways. I went to Mainland for 2 more years until junoir year where I left because my parents wanted me to dual enroll full time and left my friends again. The worst part is that the girl that I really like I left and have not talked to her much. I want to see her again and make things right, but I don't think that there is much of a chance that she'll like me back at all after that. With my friends I always felt like the 3rd wheel and alone even though I think of them as brothers and sisters and would do anything for them. Even with the dual enrollment and working full time it's not enough even though I have straight A's and am working really hard for my dad. Also, ever since I was little I had a feeling that I 'm meant to do something great, but I feel like a loser. I'm sorry about this rant I just feel so broken and lost. Thank-you so much for listening.

Wow with all you have said you are definitely not a loser. I think you have already done great.  You definitely have determination and courage.  Your dad must be proud.

Contact your friend, say hi, what's the worse that can happen?  You've already imagined the worst so...

And give yourself a break ...you don't need to be an imagined version of perfect.  You clearly work harder than most.  I don't think you're dad would want you to do as much as you do.  Do you talk to him about it?  Maybe you need his support right now

 

Sage107

You have had a great deal of trauma in your 17 years, much more than most other people would experience in a lifetime.

You say you are broken and lost and you have every reason to have those feelings.

The fact you can open up takes a lot of courage, and that shows you have an inner strength.

You don't know that the girl you like wouldn't want anything to dowith you, could you contact her and explain? Maybe you could write to her.

You sound really bright, why would you let what has happened inyour life destroy your hopes and dreams.

To get straight A's means you have to work hard and study. What makes you say it is not enough? Who is it not enough for?

You need to use the resolve you called upon to get your straight A's to make a success of your life. You can, your life is just beginning. You can do anything you want to, if you have belief in yourself you will make a success of your life.

Don't spend your time on people who don't have time for you. Spend time with people you really like, and you know really like you.They are true friends who you can rely on. Find those people.

You are certainly not a looser, loads of people would love the straight A's you have.

My battery is just about to die...I am here if you need to talk again

Believe in yourself....

Thanks it really means a lot that you say this. It's just that I always beat myself up about this and worry. I'll try contacting her and explain what happened.

Thanks, I really appreciate it. I just worry too much about trying to make everyone happy and end up putting too much stress on myself. I'll try to explain everything to her and fix things.

Thanks for listening.

I feel more depressed and sad rather than going through depression. Well, through my life God has helped guide me. When I have followed Him it has been the right choice.