I want to kill myself.
Posted , 14 users are following.
I have burned myself in the past on purpose. I tried to drown myself multiple times. They took away my psychologist before I could tell her about this. I am a lesbian and my family doesn't know; if they did they would disown me. I used to talk to my "friends" about the burning, but they just thought I was making it all up. I have to ride the bus to and from school, and everyone there makes fun of me. I only eat one meal a day because the Pearson closest to me said I was way too fat. Iplan to end it all soon. Help if you can.
1 like, 31 replies
elise666
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paul30710 elise666
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elise666 paul30710
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Angel91 elise666
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paul30710 elise666
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elise666 paul30710
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paul30710 elise666
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Angel91 elise666
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Is there anyone you can talk to? If you are feeling really close to the edge, maybe ring Samaritans and talk to them? And I am not sure how old you are but if you are under 18 I think it is you can call Childline for free. There will be people there you can talk to whenever you want.
Also, are you under the Mental Health Team (or CAMHS)? If so I would speak to your mental health nurse or support worker and let them know how you are feeling. I don't know how old you are but are you on any antidepressants? If you are over 16 it might be worth getting on some (and if you are already on them it might be time for a dose increase or a change of medication). If you are younger, speak to your MH team about maybe going on St Johns Wort.
You have to understand that your friends probably don't understand the way you feel, so they aren't really the best people to talk to about these things.
As for your weight, kids say horrible things just to be horrible. I highly doubt you are overweight at all. HOWEVER believe me or not (and you should believe me) eating that little will actually make you fatter. Your body will go into starvation mode and turn everything you eat into fat. To get thinner your best bet is to eat healthy, balanced meals regularly (either three normal size meals a day or up to 6 small meals a day), and do some exercise. It is very important that you keep at a healthy weight though, getting underweight can cause all sorts of health issues.
As for being a lesbian, are you positive your family wouldn't understand? What makes you feel that way? Is there not anyone you can talk to about it?
If you are anything like me, you may find writing helpful. It might be worth writing a journal just to get everything out, it helps you sort through it in your head. You can throw away the pages afterwards you don't need to keep them, but just physically writing them out can be helpful.
Being bullied sucks, and I am sorry you are having to go through it. I know it doesn't help right now but I promise you one thing.. .being bullied makes you strong. But if you are really struggling to cope why not come up with some funny come-backs to what they say. Try to make the other kids laugh at them rather than you? Just be careful that it doesn't make things turn physical.
elise666 Angel91
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I'm under 16 and have never been prescribed any form of antidepressant.
I am positive about my parents not understanding because when I was younger they used to say how terrible homosexuals are on a weekly basis.
I used to keep a journal but my sisters found the pages in the trash and made fun of me about what I wrote.
Angel91 elise666
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As for your parents not understanding, I am sorry to hear that. But people are wrong when they say you can't choose your family. You can. So focus on making good friends that can become your family, who you can talk to etc. Also you always have us here to talk to, so don't feel alone. There are loads of support groups around that you can talk too as well.
Please just keep yourself healthy, it will help your mental health. And if you aren't having any form of counselling or therapy maybe you could ask for some? If you are not under the mental health team speak to your GP who can refer you. xxx
VauxhallGirl elise666
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As for being a lesbian, interestingly, a good deal of lesbians have either been emotionally or sexually abused by a male member of the family as a child...so, not suprising that they turn to other women for affection. This is a difficult time of your life - from all areas - but there are sites on the net that you can join up to, (annonymously if you wish) to talk to other lesbians, and get support from them, as you are clearly not going to get any from your own family. Sadly, the homosexual bit in the bible is used way too much....but the parts about slavery, having tatoos and eating pork...or is it shellfish?...are conveniently brushed aside.
Keep talking to us, and anyone else online who can help, and be assured that as you get a little older, things DO get easier. xx
claudia90123 VauxhallGirl
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hypercat claudia90123
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VauxhallGirl claudia90123
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We are supposed to be helping Elise, not getting on your soap box.
VauxhallGirl hypercat
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claudia90123 VauxhallGirl
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Of course people realise they are gay late in life. I have nowhere made any crticism of any route people take in their lives. Life is extremely complicated.
However, you did in fact suggest that homosexuality is a choice when you said that some women turn to other women for affection after abuse. You cannot BECOME gay as a result of abuse. There are lesbians who have been abused by men, but there are many more straight women who have been abused by men; there is no causal link.
I was trying to help Elise by pointing this out, because it is not helpful to link homosexuality to trauma. Being gay can be a very positive thing, and it is important that it is not seen as a 'broken' sexuality.
VauxhallGirl claudia90123
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hypercat claudia90123
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