If I want to die, why cant I?
Posted , 8 users are following.
I recently turned 50. I just don't want live anymore. I've done all the stupid things I could do and I don't want to do them anymore. I was not able to fulfill my destiny because of bad habits. I've had a sex addiction since I was teen-ager. When I was six years old, an older boy tried to rape me but I believe that rape attempt awakened in me sexual desires that I didn't know how to handle so 44 years later, Ive had all the sex I wanted. I've even started experimenting with homosexuality. I don't want to continue this. I just want to die. Everybody in my life will be taken care of. There's no need for me to be here. My son's mother told me yesterday in anger that I should just kill myself. What she dont know is that I have been contemplating that for weeks now. It's my life and I should be able to ended if I want!!!
2 likes, 16 replies
jmcg2014 greydawg1977
Posted
Well you can of course, you don't need anyone's permission. But as you know, it solves nothing and it certainly isn't a decision that those who take it do lightly. Those poor souls have lost all sense of what is right, and lost all hope. If you don't want to be like them, then get some help - theres loads out there you just need to take the step and ask for it. Sadly noone can do it for you, see a Dr, ask for some therapy and start turning things around. You have to want to, but people telling you you shouldn't won't make any difference, it's got to be down to you. You've nothing to lose by trying
greydawg1977 jmcg2014
Posted
mike09523 greydawg1977
Posted
Hi,
You were not able to fulfil your destiny. How do you know what your destiny is.
We all like to think we can take control of our lives, that's why it is such a letdown when we fail.
I was raped by my male cousin when I was 9 years old. I was brought up a strict Catholic, choir boy, alter boy.
My mother wanted me to go into the priesthood. I had been to mass that day, and while I was being buggered for the first time I remember well looking into the corner of the bedroom, there was a luminous statue of Mary and Jess, watching me, watching what was happening, watching for the next five nights that it happened. Somehow I stupidly thought they would help me, they would tell God.
I held a different view of religion from then until this day.
This is a good world in which to live, for some. It is an evil and dirty world in which to live for others. Almost a parity for Heaven and Hell, with Pergotory somewhere in the middle.
We don't control our destiny in how we live, but you could control your ultimate destiny, how and when you die. Or can you?
What if your purpose lies further in your future. What if your destiny is to be there to help another's destiny. Do not judge lest you be judged seems more like common sense than a biblical parable. You live for a reason, we all do, we are all important to one another, if you are to be of use in the future you have to carry on, get a new life, start over. Perhaps 50 is your rebirth.
Mike.
greydawg1977 mike09523
Posted
Thanks. I know it was my destiny. It was my destiny since I was child. I can't fulfil that destiny now because I'm so damaged. That's it.
borderriever greydawg1977
Posted
I tried to nd my life a while ago and believe me it is not worth the grief. You know where your problem originated so if not already talk to your GP and explain your concerns and what you want to do
There seems a great deal of these past assaults and you need help. and given the chance to put that past to sleep and enjoy
greydawg1977 borderriever
Posted
borderriever greydawg1977
Posted
Sorry my post went awhol
Get some treatment,
If need be call NHS DIRECT on 111 and explain what you want to do they will Triage and dcide how to help.
Samaratins can also help you and just listen, although your GP will arrang help for you.
Get help, we are also here to help
BOB
greydawg1977 borderriever
Posted
phyllis11904 greydawg1977
Posted
I can't pretend to understand what you are going through, but suicide is a permanent solution to what may be a temporary problem. You did say your son's mother was angry. A lot of words are spoken in anger that people often wish they had never said. Your son might be one very good reason you shouldn't kill yourself. He might need, and want, his father I his life.
Have you ever talked to a professional about your experiences and negative thoughts? You didn't mention any meds you are taking. You have already reached out here. Please take the next syep and get some help before you do something that will be irreversible.
I have one more request, please reply to my message.
Phyllis
greydawg1977 phyllis11904
Posted
Thank you. My son's mother has been a thorn in my side from the first day we meet. I can't get away from her. She tells me to kill myself all the time. I'm not thinking these thoughts because of her. I'm thinking these thoughts because I don't believe I have anything else to offer.
You must know that there are people who can parent a child better than the actual parents. Some parents mentally harm their children by tying to do parental things that they were never equipped to do.
I'm still here. I'm just incredibly sad at my present circumstances.
I fought against doing gay stuff all my life because those feelings were there from an early age but now at age 50, it's like I lost my mind. I've always struggled to have meaningful relationships but the need for the sex was out of control. I used women for sex and I am astonished how easy it is to use gay men. The gay world is more reckless than the heterosexual world.
Sorry for the gay rant but I hate myself more and more everytime I indulge in this sex addiction. I'm tired and just want it to end
phyllis11904 greydawg1977
Posted
Hi Greydawg,
Your son's mother obviously has problems of her own, but that is her problem, not yours. How is your relationship with your son. That is the only one that matters. You said you don't have anything to offer and you also said you were unable to fulfill your destiny. May I ask what you thought your destiny should be? I literally started my life over at 50. There' s no expiry date on your destiny. Have you ever sought help or really talked about your feelings.
You don't have to fight your gay feelings. It doesn't matter if you are straight, gay, or bisexual. Those taboos are a thing of the past. Some gays have normal, living relationships. A lot of your feelings may be a result of fighting your instincts. It is alright to be gay and you have a right to be happy.
Please let me know how you're doing.
Phyllis
gary78460 greydawg1977
Posted
mike09523 greydawg1977
Posted
Your problem/problems need to be dealt with one at a time and your battle with sexual it seems to be your number one priority.
You could go to your GP, explain, or show these posts, to them and perhaps temporarily they can give you medication to quell your sex drive.
I am not saying permanently, but this may give you some space to concentrate your mind to your whole life, not just one part of it.
Anything, at this stage is surely worth a go.
abstractvibe greydawg1977
Posted
Most people wont agree with you but I do. Unfortuneatly we dont really have any legal right to end our own life, which I feel is wrong. However, if you are going to leave behind a family or animals that you take care of, then it isn't really fair on them and it would be a purely selfish act. I have never loved life but I do have animals that rely on me ( I am a great animal lover) and a family who I know would be distraught if I ended my life. Do you believe in the Afterlife? or do you think this is all there is? PLZ google "A Lawyers Evidence for the Afterlife" I have had two incidence that have convinced me, without doubt, that life goes on, it is only our physical body that dies. Take and look on the internet "Victor Zammit" it may change the way you think about life.
mike09523 greydawg1977
Posted